CENTURY CITY, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD officer was reportedly fired upon.

The incident began innocently enough when LAPD Sergeant Al Powell, a veteran officer known for his love of Twinkies and community policing, responded to what appeared to be a routine false fire alarm on the building’s 32nd floor. Powell, who had stopped for snacks at a nearby convenience store, approached the high-rise to investigate reports of “suspicious smoke” near the party level.

“I just wanted to make sure everything was okay,” Powell told reporters from behind the police perimeter. “Next thing I know, shots are fired at my cruiser. Merry Christmas to me.”

There was an office holiday party going on near that level and the participants are the only known hostages.

Moments later, an anonymous caller—speaking with a refined German accent and using a restricted police radio frequency—contacted authorities to announce that “terrorists” had taken over the building. The caller claimed to represent a radical group demanding the release of political prisoners worldwide and warned that one hostage, identified as Nakatomi executive Joseph Takagi, had already been executed for non-compliance.

“These demands seem a bit… outdated,” said LAPD Deputy Chief Dwayne Robinson, who arrived on scene to oversee the response. “We’re talking about groups I haven’t heard from since the ’80s. Asian Dawn? I didn’t even know they were still around. I read about them in Time magazine.”

Sources inside the building report that the intruders, dressed in sharp business suits and carrying briefcases, interrupted the festive gathering—complete with eggnog, cocaine-fueled monologues from junior executives, and awkward small talk about quarterly profits—by storming the 30th floor. Hostages, many still clutching plastic cups of champagne, were herded into the vault area while the leader, a charismatic individual identifying himself only as “Hans,” delivered a stirring monologue about greed and exploitation.

A civilian has taken this photo of an armed man on the 32nd floor. It’s unclear whether this is a terrorist or a hostage:

Facial recognition software has identified him as a former police detective John McClane but “He clearly looks like a crazed hostile,” one witness said.

FBI agents Johnson and Johnson (no relation) have assumed command of the operation, assuring the public that standard terrorist negotiation protocols are being followed to the letter. “We’ve got the playbook,” Agent Johnson said confidently. “These guys don’t stand a chance.”

As the standoff enters its fourth hour, negotiators remain puzzled by the group’s fixation on “negotiable bearer bonds” stored in the company vault—a financial instrument experts say hasn’t been relevant since the Reagan administration.

At press time, explosions were reported on the rooftop, prompting speculation that the “terrorists” might be attempting a dramatic helicopter escape. LAPD officials urged calm, noting that blowing up the building would be “totally counterproductive to their stated goals.”

This story is being updated. Check back soon.

_{Originally published December 24, 1989.}

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