ATLANTA — In a stunning display of conference supremacy logic that has left analysts across the nation reaching for their bourbon, prominent SEC enthusiast and self-proclaimed “real football knower” Bubba Ray “Boomer” Thibodeaux issued a comprehensive treatise Tuesday morning explaining precisely how Indiana University’s 27-21 victory over Miami in the College Football Playoff National Championship game proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that the Southeastern Conference is still the greatest football league on God’s green earth.

Speaking from his tailgate setup outside Mercedes-Benz Stadium—despite it being January and the Falcons not playing—Thibodeaux laid out his airtight case to a crowd of three fellow fans and one confused parking attendant.

“Look here,” Thibodeaux began, gesturing emphatically with a half-eaten chicken wing, “Indiana beats Miami for the natty. That’s a Big Ten team beatin’ an ACC team. But y’all missin’ the real genius. Miami ain’t just any ACC team. Miami’s basically honorary SEC. They got that tropical swagger, they play dirty, they talk trash—they’re like Florida State if Florida State had palm trees and better suntans. So when Indiana beats ’em, it’s like the Big Ten sneakin’ in the back door and stealin’ a win from an SEC-adjacent squad.”

Thibodeaux paused to take a long pull from his Yeti tumbler before dropping the mic-drop moment.

“But here’s the kicker: Indiana had to go undefeated, 16-0, hire some hot-shot coach, and basically become a completely different program just to scrape by Miami 27-21. Meanwhile, in the SEC, we got teams losin’ to each other every week and still finishin’ 10-2 like it’s Tuesday. That’s depth, baby. That’s what real conference strength looks like. If Indiana had to become superhuman just to beat one ACC team, imagine what would happen if they scheduled Alabama, Georgia, LSU, Texas, and Oklahoma in the same season. They’d be prayin’ for the mercy rule.”

When pressed on the fact that the SEC had zero teams in this year’s CFP championship game—marking the first time in the playoff era the conference failed to place a squad in the title matchup—Thibodeaux waved off the question like it was a gnat.

“Playoff? That’s just a participation trophy for northern schools scared of real heat and humidity. We don’t need a fancy 12-team bracket to know who’s best. We know it in our bones. And our bones are sayin’ that Indiana beatin’ Miami is basically Alabama beatin’ Miami by 50, because transitive property don’t lie—unless it’s accusin’ the SEC of bein’ weak, then it lies like a rug.”

Thibodeaux concluded his sermon by pointing to a passing Indiana fan wearing a fresh national championship hat.

“See that guy? He’s celebratin’ like he just won the lottery. But deep down, he knows. He knows the truth every SEC fan already lives: his team had to rewrite the laws of college football reality just to get here. We do it every September through November like it’s brunch.”

As of press time, Thibodeaux was reportedly preparing a follow-up thread explaining how Indiana’s basketball tradition further solidifies SEC football dominance, “because Hoosier Hysteria means they’re used to losin’ in March, so winnin’ in January is basically borrowed SEC magic.”

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