It’s been over two weeks since Nancy Guthrie was kidnapped, and the Guthrie family is still without answers. Now, thanks to a reckless blunder committed by Trump’s appointed FBI Director, public faith in the case’s investigators is fading fast: Kash Patel has apologized after prematurely announcing that Nancy Guthrie was just stuck in Jumanji.

Yikes. Where the hell did President Trump even find this guy? Kash Patel just made a horrible situation so much worse!

At an emergency press conference held this morning, FBI Director Kash Patel announced that “law enforcement has confirmed Nancy Guthrie is just stuck in Jumanji, the supernatural board game from the 1995 Robin Williams’ movie of the same name.” This was a declaration that Patel would walk back 45 minutes later, after further examination of the evidence and dissection of several YouTube clips from the 1995 action-adventure film disproved any and all connections between the fictional board game Jumanji and Nancy Guthrie’s disappearance. 

“I’d like to apologize to the Guthrie family for any false hope I may have given them when I pointed out that Robin Williams’ character in Jumanji disappeared for 26 years, but it turned out he just got sucked into the board game and had to live in a jungle until another player rolled a five or eight. I was 1000% certain Nancy was in the exact same situation, but in actuality, I spoke without verifying all the facts at hand,” explained Patel in a retraction of his statement.

“Earlier today, I instructed employees across the FBI to drop what they were doing and try to roll fives and eights with board game dice in order to bring Nancy back from the jungle. This order was given even despite the risk of a lion coming out of the board game with her, like what happened in the Robin Williams movie—it was a risk we were willing to take if it meant reuniting her with her family,” Patel continued. “While I regret the distraction my theory caused, the Guthrie family can at least take solace in knowing that Nancy is NOT in the jungle from Jumanji, which the FBI has proven beyond all doubt as of today.”

You really, really hate to see people like this in charge of America’s federal law enforcement…Kash Patel is setting the FBI’s reputation back by decades.

How someone this profoundly incompetent wound up in charge of the FBI is a question we, as a nation, need to address. Look, if we’re Nancy Guthrie’s family, we are hiring a private military company ASAP, because we are not feeling good about her chances with Kash Patel running things. Otherwise, all we can say is that we are praying for Nancy’s safe return home, and for her captors to be brought to justice immediately!