CHICAGO — Former President Barack Obama today brushed aside mounting criticism that his long-awaited presidential library resembles an enormous portable toilet, calling the comparisons “unfair” and the building itself “stunningly elegant” when viewed by individuals possessing what he described as “the correct visual and cognitive impairments.”

“Yes, it smells like three weeks of piled-up feces and urine,” Obama acknowledged during a brief press availability held on the library’s south lawn, “and yes, we did have the words ‘PORTA-POTTY’ etched in 18-inch stainless-steel letters across the main facade. But if you squint—and I mean really commit to the squint—and you happen to have sustained moderate-to-severe brain damage, it’s actually quite beautiful.”

Architectural renderings released last year showed a sleek, rectangular structure clad in matte navy-blue fiberglass with rounded corners, a single narrow entry door, and a discreet ventilation pipe protruding from the roof. Construction photos that leaked online earlier this month revealed the finished product has faithfully reproduced those features, right down to the faint but unmistakable chemical-blue liquid pooling in shallow depressions around the base.

Critics, including several prominent architecture critics and at least one very confused sanitation worker, have described the $830 million facility as “a porta-john that ate Chicago” and “the architectural equivalent of leaving the lid up at a state fair.” One architecture blogger went so far as to caption an aerial drone shot simply: “They forgot to put the handicap ramp on the correct side.”

Obama, unfazed, doubled down on the aesthetic merits.

“Look, beauty is subjective,” he continued. “Some people see a 40-foot chemical toilet; I see hope. Some people smell industrial-strength deodorizer trying and failing to mask human despair; I smell progress. And when the wind shifts just right and you catch that unmistakable summer-festival whiff, that’s not a flaw—that’s a feature. It reminds us where we’ve been as a nation.”

The former president noted that the building’s interior has been designed with similar intentionality. Floor-to-ceiling exhibits will chronicle his administration’s accomplishments while soft blue lighting and the gentle hiss of a continuously running ventilation fan create what curators are calling “an immersive sensory experience.” A planned “Reflection Chamber” features a single porcelain fixture visitors are encouraged to contemplate in silence.

When asked whether the design choice was meant to be ironic or whether the construction firm simply misread the blueprints, Obama offered a small smile.

“We wanted something humble,” he said. “Something that says, ‘Yes, I was president, but I still have to go like everybody else.’ Also the contractor gave us a bulk discount on fiberglass panels. You try saying no to 30% off when the budget’s already $800 million over.”

The Obama Presidential Center remains on track to open to the public in late 2026. Tickets are not yet on sale, though officials confirmed that “express lane” passes will be available for an additional fee.

At press time, sources close to the project say the words “PORTA-POTTY” are scheduled to receive a ceremonial gold-leaf accent next month.

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