“I wish my husband would initiate Bible reading with our family.” “How can I get my husband to pray with me more?” “Why is my husband such a great leader at work but seems indifferent when it comes to leading our family in spiritual growth?” “I don’t think my husband is a good spiritual leader.” Women’s ministry leaders often hear concerns like these from women in our churches, and it can be hard to know how best to respond. What does she mean by a good spiritual leader? Who determines what characterizes a bad spiritual leader? What is spiritual leadership in marriage supposed to look like? I want to help her, but how? We often feel ill-equipped to help a woman with marital struggles, but this one may be particularly intimidating. Scripture doesn’t provide detailed instructions about spiritual leadership for husbands. In fact, the Bible doesn’t even use the term “spiritual leadership.” And even if we think we’ve seen another man lead well, his gifts and personality are different from her husband’s. Each marriage is unique, so the help we offer must be nuanced. Thankfully, God’s Word provides wisdom for all of life and godliness (2 Pet. 1:3). Scripture paints a beautiful and mysterious image of the marriage relationship as one that demonstrates Christ’s majesty (Eph. 5:22–33). As we apply gospel truths to marriage, we can help the wife who feels frustrated or disappointed with her husband. We can’t prescribe specific steps toward change or promise a certain outcome, but we do have at least five ways to help. 1. Acknowledge her good desire. God’s design for marriage to represent the relationship between Christ and the church gives us clarity about the roles of husband and wife: The husband is the head, and he’s meant to lead his wife toward spiritual flourishing (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:22–33). Wives are called to submit to their husbands, thus affirming the leadership and responsibility God has given him. A woman who is married to a Christian man—a man who is being transformed into Christ’s image (Rom. 8:29)—is right to expect him to lead her toward greater spiritual growth. 2. Seek to understand her struggle. Even though her desire is good, the consequences of sin have inevitably affected her marriage (Gen. 3:16; Rom. 8:20–22). Her husband won’t lead her perfectly. She’ll respond poorly at times to even his best efforts at spiritual leadership. Her expectations may even be skewed by experiences, trauma, or extrabiblical teaching. To provide help, we must understand what she means when expressing her husband’s failure to lead. A woman who is married to a Christian man is right to expect him to lead her toward greater spiritual growth. Is she dissatisfied with the way he incorporates the Bible into their family worship, or is he neglecting God’s Word, prayer, and gathering with other believers altogether? By asking thoughtful questions, you can help her uncover the heart of her struggle (Prov. 20:5). You could ask questions like these: What do you mean when you say you think your husband isn’t a good spiritual leader? Are there any men in your life whom you consider good spiritual leaders? If so, why? What do you want your husband to do or say differently? With a clearer understanding of her struggle, you’ll know the severity of the situation and whether to move the conversation forward or seek additional help from a pastor, elder, or counselor. 3. Point her to the gospel. Sin will affect spiritual leadership in marriage, but we have a Savior who alone is sufficient to redeem, restore, provide, and sustain us (Col. 1:9–14). Whether a wife is grieving her husband’s imperfections, longing for better leadership, or unsettled by her husband’s lack of spiritual engagement, she can find hope in the Holy Spirit’s power and presence. As a wife rests in Christ alone to lead her perfectly, she can then embrace her husband—in all his imperfections—and be confident that Christ will bring about spiritual growth in her life (Phil. 1:6). She can graciously move toward her husband and delight in learning to grow alongside him in spiritual maturity. 4. Offer her practical wisdom. You can’t change her husband, you can’t change her, and you can’t fix their marriage. But you can help equip her to move toward her husband in prayer, conversation, and gospel partnership. Prompt her to pray for her husband: for his relationship with the Lord (Phil. 1:9–11), for him to speak with her about spiritual things (Col. 3:16), and for opportunities to connect with him about their growth in Christ. Encourage her to graciously express her concerns, share her expectations, and invite him to do the same. One way a wife can help her husband is by spurring him on to love and good works (Heb. 10:25). She can do so honorably and lovingly, as a coheir with Christ. Although he’s called to lead her, she’s called to sharpen his faith and live out the “one anothers” of Scripture in relationship with him (Rom. 12:9–12). As she does, she partners with him in spiritual growth and beautifully displays the glory of Christ. 5. Help her appreciate the ways her husband is leading. Often, a woman who questions her husband’s spiritual leadership needs a broader perspective on leadership. You can help by encouraging her to notice her husband’s God-given spiritual gifts. He may lead in generosity by managing their budget so they can give sacrificially. Perhaps he leads in wisdom by helping her apply biblical principles to decision-making. He may lead his family in service by volunteering for community outreach, serving in the nursery at church, or helping an elderly neighbor with house repairs. When a wife expands the scope of what she thinks it means to lead, she may discover her husband is leading in more ways than she thought. Often, a woman who questions her husband’s spiritual leadership needs a broader perspective on leadership. A husband is a good spiritual leader when he lives in humble reliance on God’s grace and strives to live in a manner worthy of the gospel. By exemplifying Christ’s character, he’ll lead his wife to love Jesus more, resulting in spiritual growth in his own life, her life, and the lives of those they interact with. You can help a struggling woman by reminding her of these truths. Encourage her with gospel hope and point her to the goal of it all: the marriage yet to come. Wives can embrace the imperfect ways their husbands lead them now, knowing their leadership is just a taste of the glory to come when we’re with Jesus, our perfect Bridegroom, forever (Rev. 21:2–3).

In our rapidly changing world, the issues of smartphones, COVID-19, social media, and travel sports have left many children, youth, and family ministries looking for clarity. This workshop and panel discussion, recorded at TGC25, provides an overview of the landscape. Panelists Cameron Cole, Anna Meade Harris, Danny Kwon, Isaiah Marshall, and Chelsea Kingston Erickson suggest adjustments we can make to effectively disciple young people via an integrated, collaborative approach in a post-everything world. In This Episode 00:00 – Introduction and purpose 02:10 – Cameron Cole on the purpose of next-gen ministry 03:47 – Defining “people of the Word” 07:07 – Challenges in forming people of the Word 12:05 – Way forward: practical steps for churches and parents 16:04 – Emphases for youth ministry and parental engagement 27:12 – Panel discussion: collaboration and vision for family ministry 32:35 – Challenges in selling the vision of family ministry 38:41 – Practical strategies for youth and family ministry 45:10 – Closing and prayer Resources Mentioned: Rooted Ministry Handing Down the Faith: How Parents Pass Their Religion on to the Next Generation by Christian Smith and Amy Adamczyk SIGN UP for one of our newsletters to stay informed about TGC’s latest resources. Help The Gospel Coalition renew and unify the contemporary church in the ancient gospel: Give today. Don’t miss an episode of The Gospel Coalition Podcast: Apple Podcasts Spotify YouTube

One of the most unexpected prayers I made as a young Christian was asking God to restore the joy of my salvation (Ps. 51). The early days of my faith were exciting: Scripture reading brought new insights, worship lifted my spirit, and God’s presence overwhelmed me. But after months of spiritual joy, everything felt dull. My passion waned, worship became routine, and God seemed distant. This change shocked me. I expected my Christian walk to be a steady, upward, exhilarating journey. When reality hit, I wasn’t ready. I thought I was doing something wrong. I’ve since learned that seasons of spiritual dryness are common for believers. We start with passion, but eventually, it fades. Zeal diminishes. God feels distant. When that happens, we scramble to return to the way things were. In When God Seems Distant: Surprising Ways God Deepens Our Faith and Draws Us Near, Kyle Strobel and John Coe—professors of spiritual theology at Talbot School of Theology—argue that periods of spiritual dryness and desolation are “gifts even if we would never choose them on our own” (19). Though dry seasons often seem like deserts we must escape, they’re vital for growing spiritually and drawing nearer to God. God’s Developmental Method of Growth Spiritual growth is a dynamic experience of development. As new believers, we begin our journey in infancy, feeding only on easy nourishment. But eventually, we need solid food to grow. God uses spiritual dryness and desolation to wean us so we can mature and receive deeper truths. These periods of discomfort reveal what comfort conceals. “The desert,” Strobel and Coe explain, is where “God is testing us to show us what is in our hearts and to call us to him. This is a gift. This test, as with Israel in the wilderness, shows us how much we are still filled with ourselves and how much our vision of life is still ordered to the world and the flesh rather than the Spirit and God’s kingdom” (45). Desolation goes even deeper. It “reveals that our goodness—the virtues we have cultivated and the fruit we see in our life—is veined with vice as well” (50). Our union with Christ gives us confidence that we can never be separated from God. However, “there are times we grapple with the confusion of standing at the cross when we expected to be celebrating a conquering King” (12). That’s what it means to feel like we’re lost in a spiritual desert. The further we seem to be from God, the clearer our true spiritual state becomes. The perceived distance strips away our illusions of maturity and reveals how much of our devotion is based on feelings rather than steadfast faith. It uncovers the sin that lies hidden beneath our veneer of piety. The further we seem to be from God, the clearer our true spiritual state becomes. We might be tempted to interpret these times as signs of spiritual regression—after all, our zeal is gone. But passion doesn’t equate to maturity, nor does discomfort indicate immaturity. “Part of maturation is unlearning how we judge our growth and learning to embrace what the Lord has for us in every season of the soul” (64). The desert and desolation are essential stages in our spiritual development, and there’s a right and wrong way to navigate them. Running from the Desert Our most common—and, unfortunately, wrong—response to desolation is to restore our intimacy with God through our own efforts. We instinctively slip into a “do it yourself” mindset and attempt to repair what’s broken. This impulse flows from a deep-seated belief that we must “generate excitement and passion to fuel the Christian life” (42). Our actions may look commendable; we serve, practice spiritual disciplines, and deepen our devotion to God. Yet, often, the harder we try to regain our former zeal, the further we drift from God’s work in the desert. We move further from God when we hide behind our activities instead of coming before him. Strobel and Coe write, “When we avoid drawing near to the Lord this way, we are tempted not to come out of hiding, and we are in danger of living our lives relying on passion for more motivation or responding moralistically to attain faithfulness” (154). I experienced this when I first felt God’s absence. I tried new spiritual disciplines, served more at church, and even memorized entire books of the Bible, hoping my efforts would draw God’s presence back. Yet I realized I was relying on myself for growth rather than on God. Spiritual disciplines are important in the Christian life, but they aren’t techniques that guarantee a certain feeling. What I needed wasn’t more activity but to surrender. True surrender means depending on God and being attentive to what he’s teaching us in every season. “Our call is not to generate an experience or get out of desolation but to inquire of the Lord about what it means to be faithful and obedient from the heart” (171). Path to Spiritual Maturity God gives believers desolation and dryness to mature us and reveal whether our faith comes from an abiding trust in him or from fleeting feelings. Though they’re rarely what we’d choose, they’re often exactly what we need. True surrender means depending on God and being attentive to what he’s teaching us in every season. It seems paradoxical to embrace times when God appears distant as opportunities for deeper intimacy. Yet this pattern runs throughout Scripture. When David was in the wilderness—hunted, alone, and feeling far from God—his response wasn’t to strive harder or escape it but to seek God (1 Sam. 23–24). The desolation didn’t drive him away; it made him thirst after God. Likewise, the deserts and desolations we encounter aren’t detours but the way to becoming a people after God’s heart. Strobel and Coe help readers recover this vision of spiritual growth. They correct faulty conceptions of maturity and teach how to draw near to God in difficult times. What makes the book especially compelling is how closely the authors’ descriptions mirror the lived experience of many Christians. Their account of spiritual desolation—and of our instinctive attempts to correct it through self-effort—will resonate deeply with readers who have been confused by dryness and frantically tried to escape it. This is the book I wish I had when I first encountered desolation. It would have spared me unnecessary mistakes and helped me recognize God’s invitation in the desert rather than inadvertently running from it. When God Seems Distant equips readers to survive and thrive in seasons when their spiritual life seems dry.

Feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges? Shifting your perspective from "overwhelmed" to "overcome" can lead to peace and victory. Learn to trust the Overcomer, Jesus, who has conquered the world and offers you His strength and provision in every situation.

May we make an effort to remember the historical basis of our faith by reading the Bible––including the books that we might deem as less interesting or important––and apply what they teach in our lives.