In a stunning reversal of historical migration patterns, thousands of Muslims from war-torn, dictator-ruled, or simply boring countries have begun arriving in the United States—not for jobs, safety, or that weird obsession with Applebee’s—but for the unparalleled thrill of being systematically oppressed by Islamophobia. Yes, you read that correctly. America, long criticized for its lackluster oppression portfolio, has finally hit the big time. “It’s like a luxury spa for the soul,” gushed Ahmed Al-Mansour, a recent arrival from a nation where religious freedom is technically illegal but practically nonexistent. “Back home, the government just disappears you. Here? You get microaggressions. Someone asks if you’re a terrorist while holding the door open. Exquisite.” The U.S. government, ever the gracious host, has rolled out the red carpet—or rather, the red-white-and-blue carpet with subtle profiling stitched into the seams. New arrivals are greeted at airports with complimentary TSA pat-downs, free copies of The Turner Diaries, and a starter kit of suspicious glances from Midwestern grandmothers. “We’re not just oppressing willy-nilly,” explained Department of Homeland Security spokesperson Karen McKaren. “This is systematic. We have spreadsheets. Flowcharts. A diversity officer whose job is to ensure the oppression is evenly distributed across zip codes.” The crown jewel of America’s Islamophobia industrial complex? The coveted “Random Security Check” lottery. Every Muslim traveler has a chance to win a full-body scan, a 45-minute interrogation about their cousin’s wedding in Lahore, and a complimentary bottle of water—after they’ve removed their shoes. “I came for the systemic part,” said Fatima Rahman, who left a stable job in Dubai to experience the authentic American dream of being asked to “go back where you came from” by a guy in a MAGA hat who can’t pronounce “hummus.” “In the Gulf, they just deport you. Here, they debate whether you belong. It’s so… thoughtful.” Progressive activists, never ones to miss a trend, have launched “Oppression Tourism” packages. For $4,999, visitors get a week in Dearborn, Michigan, complete with guided tours of mosques under FBI surveillance, a meet-and-greet with local militia members, and a souvenir “I Survived a Trump Rally” T-shirt. Critics—mostly people who’ve never experienced a single sideways glance—claim the oppression is overhyped. “It’s not systematic,” whined one think-tank bro. “It’s just… vibes.” But data disagrees: 87% of Muslim Americans report being asked if they’re “one of the good ones,” a statistic so precise it must be true. As the influx continues, real estate agents in swing states report booming demand for homes near airports—“for the ambiance,” buyers say. One entrepreneur has even launched “IslamophobiaBnB,” where hosts promise “authentic suspicion” and “breakfast served with a side of side-eye.” In a nation that once prided itself on religious freedom, America has finally found its niche: oppression so refined, so bureaucratic, that people are willing to risk life and limb to experience it. Move over, Paris. Forget Tokyo. The new global must-see destination is a TSA line in Atlanta. Welcome to America. Please remove your dignity before boarding. The post Thousands of Muslims Flock to America to Enjoy the Exquisite Torment of Systematic Islamophobia appeared first on Genesius Times.