Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire

Conservative Satire

@conservativesatire

rumbleOdysee
This sh*t is EMBARRASSING...just get a room FFS!

Obama Library Requires I.D. Except, Of Course, If You Want To Vote There
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genesiustimes.com

Obama Library Requires I.D. Except, Of Course, If You Want To Vote There

Chicago, IL – The long-awaited grand opening of the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library and Museum proceeded largely without incident Thursday, drawing a carefully curated crowd of donors, academics, and legacy media representatives who had all received their invitations well in advance. An official spokesperson for the library, who insisted on being addressed only as “Mike” or “Big Mike,” addressed concerns about security protocols during a brief press availability. “We ask all visitors for I.D. because we need to remain safe from people who might wish to do harm,” Mike said, adjusting a pair of oversized sunglasses. “This is a presidential library, not some unsecured border or, God forbid, a polling place in Philadelphia.” When asked whether the same standard would apply once the facility is designated as an early voting location, Mike was unequivocal. “Of course not. When the library becomes a voting location, no I.D. will be needed. That would be racist. Everyone knows Black people don’t know how to get an I.D.,” he explained, before adding helpfully, “and suggesting otherwise is, like, super problematic.” Several prominent Black leaders in attendance nodded vigorously in agreement. Rev. Al Sharpton’s representative called the policy “a long-overdue affirmation of dignity,” while former Congressman Jim Clyburn described strict voter I.D. requirements as “modern-day poll taxes with extra steps.” White progressive attendees, however, appeared visibly conflicted. Many shifted uncomfortably and glanced around the room, seemingly torn between their long-standing support for eliminating voter I.D. laws and the dawning realization that openly endorsing the “Black people can’t get I.D.s” rationale might itself be the exact form of racism they had spent years denouncing at faculty mixers. One unidentified donor in khakis and a “This Is What An Ally Looks Like” pin was overheard whispering to his companion, “I mean, we support it, obviously… but maybe we should phrase it as ‘systemic barriers’ instead? This feels a little on the nose.” Library officials confirmed that the dual policy—rigorous identification for tourists, none for voters—represents the Obama Foundation’s “principled consistency” on matters of access and equity. Plans are already underway for the first official voting event, which will feature free shuttle service, complimentary snacks, and a strict prohibition on asking anyone for paperwork. When reached for comment, former President Obama reportedly smiled, offered his trademark chuckle, and reminded reporters that “elections have consequences… but only for some of the rules.” The post Obama Library Requires I.D. Except, Of Course, If You Want To Vote There appeared first on Genesius Times.

AOC: We Must Abolish Father’s Day Because It Is Racist
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AOC: We Must Abolish Father’s Day Because It Is Racist

As we approach another Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on a holiday that, while seemingly harmless to some, has become impossible for me to ignore. Father’s Day is not just outdated — it is actively harmful. It is racist, patriarchal, and deeply rooted in a vision of family that excludes and punishes the very communities progress demands we center. For too long, we have allowed this holiday to uphold a narrow, Eurocentric ideal of the nuclear family: a present father, a stable household, and the expectation that men should take primary responsibility for raising their children. This model has never reflected the lived reality of Black and Brown families in America. By celebrating fatherhood so visibly, we are implicitly shaming those fathers who have been systemically prevented from fulfilling that role. That is not compassion. That is violence wrapped in greeting cards and power tools. Single mothers — especially mothers of color — have carried entire communities on their backs for generations while facing the dual burdens of capitalism and institutional neglect. Why should we dedicate a federal day to honoring the absence of fathers when these women have been doing the work of two parents under impossible conditions? Father’s Day doesn’t just ignore their strength; it erases it. This holiday also reeks of the same kind of selective standards we see in voter I.D. laws and other so-called “neutral” policies. On paper it sounds reasonable: celebrate dads. But we all know who it really burdens and who it leaves behind. Expecting fathers to show up year after year is the same logic that says everyone should just “get an I.D.” It ignores the systemic barriers. It places responsibility on individuals instead of on the structures that failed them. That’s why I am calling for the full abolition of Father’s Day as a nationally recognized holiday. In its place, we should establish Community Accountability Sunday — a day that honors all family structures equally, without elevating one above the others. No more centering biological fathers. No more reinforcing colonial expectations of what a family “should” look like. Instead, we invest in real solutions: expanded childcare, universal basic income, and mandatory education on decolonizing parenting norms. Some will call this extreme. They will say I’m attacking fathers. But silence in the face of systemic oppression is complicity. True equity means dismantling every tradition that props up inequality — even the ones with backyard barbecues and “World’s Okayest Dad” mugs. The future we deserve is one where no child feels less-than because their family doesn’t match a 1950s sitcom. It’s time we had the courage to move beyond Father’s Day. The post AOC: We Must Abolish Father’s Day Because It Is Racist appeared first on Genesius Times.

Happy Non-Gestating Person Day to All Who Celebrate
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Happy Non-Gestating Person Day to All Who Celebrate

As a non-binary scholar of decolonial gender studies and intersectional reproductive justice (with two doctoral degrees from institutions that have since issued appropriate land acknowledgments), I find myself once again compelled to mark this occasion with both celebration and critical reflection. Today we observe what was formerly known as “Father’s Day” — a holiday that, like so many traditions rooted in biological essentialism and toxic masculinity, has long served to marginalize and erase. That is why I greet you with the far more inclusive salutation: Happy Non-Gestating Person Day to all those who celebrate. The term “father” carries with it centuries of cisheteronormative baggage and patriarchal dominance. It reduces individuals with the capacity for sperm contribution to a mere biological function, ignoring the rich tapestry of identities that exist beyond the outdated male/female binary. Not everyone who has nurtured life identifies as a father. Not everyone who identifies as a father has contributed genetic material. And not everyone who has contributed genetic material is a father in the socially constructed sense. To continue centering the word “father” is to uphold a colonial, white-supremacist framework that privileges certain reproductive outcomes over others. Consider the violence inherent in a holiday that honors only those who have participated in the act of siring. What message does this send to trans women, non-binary individuals, and those who have chosen the path of non-procreative joy? It tells them their experiences are secondary. It tells adoptive parents, step-parents, chosen-family nurturers, and ethical sperm donors that their labor is less worthy of national recognition. Worst of all, it centers the experiences of cis men in a way that feels, frankly, exclusionary in 2026. This is why progressive municipalities, universities, and corporations have rightly begun transitioning to “Non-Gestating Person Day” observances. Greeting cards now read “Happy NGP Day,” brunch specials feature “ally-to-the-uterus” mimosas, and many school districts have replaced the outdated crafts of yesteryear with more affirming activities such as pronoun affirmation circles and worksheets on the social construction of paternity. Of course, there remain reactionary voices who cling bitterly to phrases like “Happy Father’s Day.” They accuse us of erasing men. On the contrary, we are liberating everyone from the rigid constraints of biological destiny. True liberation means no longer tying identity or celebration to the reductive act of genetic contribution. A non-gestating person who provides emotional labor to their polycule is every bit as deserving of recognition as someone who has fulfilled the patriarchal role of “dad.” As we move forward, I call upon all institutions to fully retire “Father’s Day” from official calendars. Let us instead invest in International Non-Gestating Person Day programming, complete with mandatory sensitivity trainings and reparative grants for those historically harmed by paternalist rhetoric. To every non-gestating person, gestating person’s partner, sperm ally, caregiver, and chosen family member who chooses to observe this day in whatever way feels authentic to their truth: I see you. I validate you. And I celebrate you. Happy Non-Gestating Person Day. Mx. Sandra Chou, PhD, PhD, is a Visiting Professor of Queer Reproductive Futures at the Institute for Liberatory Linguistics and a Senior Fellow at the Center for Decolonizing Biology. The post Happy Non-Gestating Person Day to All Who Celebrate appeared first on Genesius Times.

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This is BEYOND parody...