Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire

Conservative Satire

@conservativesatire

Democrats Promise That If Elected, Every Voter Will Give Them $5,000
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babylonbee.com

Democrats Promise That If Elected, Every Voter Will Give Them $5,000

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just days after President Donald Trump vowed to issue every American citizen a $5,000 check if Republicans won the midterms, Democrats countered with their own offer: if they are elected, every voter would give them $5,000.

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Quick thinking while mowing the lawn #standupcomedy #comedy #lawncare

Israelite Women Rejoice After Moses Strikes Rock And Pumpkin Spice Latte Gushes Out
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babylonbee.com

Israelite Women Rejoice After Moses Strikes Rock And Pumpkin Spice Latte Gushes Out

SINAI — The women of Israel erupted into celebration this week after Moses struck a rock with his staff, causing a torrent of pumpkin spice latte to gush forth.

Congress Preemptively Holds State Funeral For Mitch McConnell
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babylonbee.com

Congress Preemptively Holds State Funeral For Mitch McConnell

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congress held a preemptive state funeral honoring Senator Mitch McConnell on Friday, as the Senate sergeant-at-arms had him lie in state, "just in case."

Man Prepares To Perform Self-Lobotomy With Cereal Spoon After Daughter Discovers 'Blippi'
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babylonbee.com

Man Prepares To Perform Self-Lobotomy With Cereal Spoon After Daughter Discovers 'Blippi'

COLUMBUS, OH — Local man Greg Gentry reportedly spent Friday morning mentally and physically preparing to perform a lobotomy on himself after his four-year-old daughter discovered the children's television franchise Blippi.