Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire

Conservative Satire

@conservativesatire

Church Replaces Weekly Offering With 50/50 Raffle
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babylonbee.com

Church Replaces Weekly Offering With 50/50 Raffle

YAZOO CITY, MS — In an effort to drum up more excitement and engagement from the members of its congregation, a local church announced that the traditional weekly offering would be replaced with a 50/50 raffle.

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Wife Unveils Pumpkin Spice Advent Calendar

Fauci Testifies He Does Not Recall There Was a Pandemic
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genesiustimes.com

Fauci Testifies He Does Not Recall There Was a Pandemic

WASHINGTON — Dr. Anthony Fauci told a congressional committee on Wednesday that he has no recollection of a global pandemic occurring during his tenure as director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Appearing under oath, Fauci said he could not recall widespread school closures, lockdowns, mask mandates, or the development and distribution of vaccines tied to a novel coronavirus. “I simply do not remember a pandemic,” Fauci told lawmakers. “If there had been one of the magnitude some people describe, I believe it would have stood out more clearly in my memory.” When pressed on contemporaneous public statements, television appearances, and official guidance issued under his name, Fauci maintained that those records did not refresh his recollection. “I may have said certain things at certain times,” he said. “I do not recall the broader context that is now being suggested.” Committee members presented Fauci with video clips, published interviews, and internal emails referencing the virus, case counts, and public health measures. He reviewed the materials briefly and reiterated that they did not restore any memory of a pandemic. “I see the documents,” Fauci said. “I do not recall the events they appear to describe.” Democrats on the panel largely declined to press the point, with one noting that memory can be fallible after years of high-pressure public service. Republicans expressed frustration but stopped short of accusing Fauci of willful falsehood, citing the difficulty of proving what a witness does or does not remember. Fauci concluded his testimony by offering to remain available for further questions should his recollection improve. No timeline was given for that possibility. The hearing ended without any formal finding or recommendation. The post Fauci Testifies He Does Not Recall There Was a Pandemic appeared first on Genesius Times.

Here’s A Complete List Of Every One Of Candace Owens' Theories That Proved To Be Correct
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babylonbee.com

Here’s A Complete List Of Every One Of Candace Owens' Theories That Proved To Be Correct

There are a lot of grifters and charlatans in the podcast world who are sadly willing to say any outlandish thing to make a buck - but on the other hand, there is Candace Owens. Owens' show is an oasis of logic and reason, where hypotheses only go as far as the hard evidence leads. Want proof? Look at this incredible list of every single one of Owens' theories that ultimately proved to be 100% correct:

Terrorists Feeling Dumb For Ramming Twin Towers When All They Had To Do Was Run For Mayor
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babylonbee.com

Terrorists Feeling Dumb For Ramming Twin Towers When All They Had To Do Was Run For Mayor

AFGHANISTAN — Members of the Al-Qaeda terrorist organization are reportedly kicking themselves for all of the work they did pulling off 9/11 when they could have just run for mayor of New York City.