ST. PAUL, MN — In what sources close to the governor are calling “a very measured escalation in temperature lowering,” Minnesota Governor Tim Walz today issued a stark public warning to former President Donald Trump during a brief press availability outside the State Capitol. “If Donald Trump does not turn down the temperature,” Walz said, speaking slowly and enunciating each syllable for the microphones, “I will be forced to kill him. With my bare f*cking hands. That’s not a metaphor. That’s not hyperbole. I mean manually. Strangulation, probably. Maybe a chokehold. We’ll see what the moment calls for.” The governor, who moments earlier had been praising a new state initiative to provide free school breakfasts, appeared calm and Midwestern-polite while delivering the conditional death threat. “I’m a dad. I’m a former teacher. I’ve coached football,” Walz continued, adjusting his glasses in the manner of a man about to explain why he’s about to commit a felony. “I don’t want to do this. But when someone keeps turning the temperature up, eventually you gotta take the knob off the stove. With your hands. Around someone’s neck.” Aides later clarified that the governor’s remarks were “obviously just an expression of deep concern about the tone of our national discourse,” and emphasized that no actual strangulation planning meetings had been scheduled at this time. Pressed by reporters on whether he had considered less lethal methods of temperature reduction—such as bipartisan legislation, public-service announcements, or simply asking nicely—Walz grew visibly impatient. “Look,” he said, “I’ve tried the soft approach. I’ve tried the folksy grandpa thing. I’ve even tried the whole ‘Minnesota Nice’ routine where you passive-aggressively compliment someone’s lawn while secretly hoping their sprinkler system fails. None of it worked. So yeah. Bare hands it is.” When asked whether he had consulted with law enforcement or the Secret Service about the logistics of such an operation, Walz shrugged. “I’m not an expert in federal protection protocols,” he replied. “But I did grow up wrestling cattle and I once arm-barred a 240-pound defensive lineman in the 1987 state semifinals. I like my odds.” The Trump campaign responded with a brief statement calling Walz’s remarks “the most honest thing a Democrat has said in years” and inviting the governor to “bring that same energy” to a steel cage match at next year’s Iowa State Fair. Governor Walz concluded the press conference by reminding Minnesotans to bundle up against the coming cold front and to please, for the love of God, stop heating the outdoors with angry political speech. He then quietly walked back inside the Capitol, where staff say he immediately began doing push-ups “just in case.” The post Gov Walz: ‘If Trump doesn’t turn down the temperature, I’m going to k*ll him with my bare f*cking hands’ appeared first on Genesius Times.

Scott Adams

January 16, 2026 — Today's Conservative Cartoon