WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the new food pyramid released Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Democrats have released an alternative food pentagram.

TEHRAN — As Iranian protestors were shot dead in the streets, President Trump made good on his promise to come to their aid by having thousands of "Make Iran Great Again" hats airdropped all over the country.

NUUK / COPENHAGEN — In a bold show of Scandinavian resolve, the Kingdom of Denmark has dispatched a heavily armed reinforcement contingent to Greenland, officials confirmed Tuesday, just days before scheduled negotiations with the United States over the future of the world’s largest non-continental island. The reinforcements consist of 47,000 LEGO minifigs—primarily Classic Space Astronauts, Blacktron invaders, and a small but concerning number of angry pirate captains—currently en route aboard the Royal Danish Navy’s newest vessel, the 1:35 scale LEGO Creator Expert Pirate Ship “Frederikshavn Fury” (set 31109, discontinued). Defence Minister Troels Lund Poulsen described the deployment as “a proportionate, plastic-based, and frankly adorable response to emerging geopolitical realities.” “When the President of the United States repeatedly expresses interest in purchasing one of our autonomous territories,” Poulsen told reporters while nervously clicking a yellow spaceman helmet, “we feel it is only responsible to remind him that Greenland comes with 56,000 people, several ice sheets, and now also approximately forty-seven thousand tiny yellow people who are very cross about being shipped in a Ziploc bag.” Satellite imagery (actually just a drone photo of someone’s living room floor) shows the flotilla making steady progress across the North Atlantic at an estimated speed of 0.4 km/h when pushed gently by a parent. Analysts note that morale among the minifigs remains high, though several yellow construction workers have reportedly gone AWOL after discovering the coffee machine in the LEGO Ideas Modular Police Station. Greenlandic Prime Minister Múte Bourup Egede welcomed the reinforcements with the traditional Inuit greeting of mild bewilderment. “We appreciate Denmark’s continued commitment to our defence,” Egede said. “Though I must admit we were expecting something a little more… metal. Or at least bigger than a sandwich.” The United States has yet to comment officially on the LEGO deployment, though one senior administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity because they were embarrassed, described the move as “the most passive-aggressive thing since the French started putting little umbrellas in our drinks.” Military experts remain divided on the strategic value of the force. “On the one hand,” said retired NATO analyst Dr. Søren Bricklayer, “LEGO minifigs have proven remarkably resilient in prolonged carpet warfare. On the other hand, they fold like cheap lawn furniture the moment someone steps on them in socks.” As the tiny armada approaches Greenlandic waters (currently somewhere near the hallway radiator), Danish officials stressed that the deployment is entirely defensive in nature. “We are simply ensuring that any future discussions about sovereignty,” a Foreign Ministry spokesperson said while trying to reattach a pirate’s hook hand, “take place in the presence of overwhelming yellow plastic superiority.” Should negotiations fail, contingency plans reportedly include the rapid assembly of a 12×12 stud “No Trespassing” sign and the possible deployment of the dreaded LEGO Technic Turntable of Doom. At press time, the Frederikshavn Fury had run aground on a rogue sock. Crew morale is reported as “brittle but optimistic.” The post Denmark sends reinforcements to Greenland ahead of talks with US appeared first on Genesius Times.