Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire

Conservative Satire

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FBI Assembles Elite Task Force To See If All These Terrorist Attacks Can Somehow Be Connected

Top 10 Reasons To Move To Indiana
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babylonbee.com

Top 10 Reasons To Move To Indiana

Looking to move to a new state? Look no further than Indiana! There are plenty of reasons to move there. Seriously.

Democrats Urge Voters to Vote for Them So Gas Prices Will Come Down Like they are in Blue States
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genesiustimes.com

Democrats Urge Voters to Vote for Them So Gas Prices Will Come Down Like they are in Blue States

WASHINGTON — In a series of carefully worded statements this week, Democratic leaders and campaign surrogates encouraged Americans to vote for Democratic candidates in order to bring gasoline prices down to the levels currently enjoyed in blue states. Party officials pointed to the West Coast as a shining example of progressive energy policy in action. “Voters who want relief at the pump should look to the states that have led on climate, clean air standards, and responsible taxation,” one senior Democratic strategist said. “California, in particular, has shown what is possible when government takes an active role.” California, under the leadership of Governor Gavin Newsom, currently posts the highest average regular gasoline price in the nation at approximately $6.39 per gallon, according to AAA data. That figure sits more than two dollars above the national average of roughly $4.37. Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, and Nevada round out the top tier of elevated prices, all solidly blue or leaning that way. Governor Newsom was recently photographed at a Sacramento-area station, gesturing toward the digital price board with what aides described as “quiet confidence in the state’s long-term vision.” The board displayed figures consistent with California’s recent near-record highs. Campaign materials circulating among Democratic operatives emphasize that further Democratic victories will allow the successful blue-state approach to expand nationwide. “The numbers speak for themselves,” a House Democratic leadership aide noted. “When voters choose Democrats, they choose the policies that have produced these outcomes in our most progressive states.” Republican critics have attempted to highlight the price differential, but Democratic spokespeople dismissed the observations as “missing the broader context of environmental leadership and global factors.” As of Monday, California remained firmly in first place among the fifty states for the cost of filling a tank. Officials expressed optimism that voters will recognize the value of extending that distinction more widely. The post Democrats Urge Voters to Vote for Them So Gas Prices Will Come Down Like they are in Blue States appeared first on Genesius Times.

Democrats Blame Cuts In USAID For Slowing Communist Takeover Of The West
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babylonbee.com

Democrats Blame Cuts In USAID For Slowing Communist Takeover Of The West

U.S. — With unrest drawing attention around the globe and the November midterm elections coming up soon, Democrats made it a point to blame President Donald Trump's cuts to USAID for slowing the communist takeover of the West.

'BOOOOO!' Shouts Tucker Carlson At The TV As He Watches Indiana Jones Defeat The Nazis
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babylonbee.com

'BOOOOO!' Shouts Tucker Carlson At The TV As He Watches Indiana Jones Defeat The Nazis

WOODSTOCK, ME — Shouts of "BOOOO!" could be heard coming from a cabin in the woods as a man later identified as podcast host Tucker Carlson became increasingly frustrated while watching Indiana Jones defeat the Nazis, neighbors said.