U.S. — The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump on Friday terminated all U.S. foreign aid after signing an executive order that renames Earth “America,” a move the White House said made overseas assistance legally impossible and, in any case, rude. “There is no foreign,” the president told reporters. “It’s all us. Very beautiful. Very contiguous. Why would we send money to ourselves with a different accent?” The order, titled One Planet, One Brand, instructs the State Department to strike the word “foreign” from statutes, maps, and condolence letters. Aid programs previously described as helping other countries will be reclassified as domestic block grants to “outer counties.” Recipients who continue to call themselves by former names will be treated as branding disputes. The Office of Management and Budget issued a two-sentence score. Foreign-aid outlays: zero. Reason: “No foreign remains.” A footnote conceded that money might still leave the Treasury, but said it would now be “an internal transfer among Americans who live unusually far from a Home Depot.” Allies asked whether they needed to update passports. The State Department said passports were now courtesy cards. Embassies will be restenciled as district offices. Ambassadors will be called regional managers. The United Nations, officials added, may remain as a homeowners’ association if it pays dues in dollars and stops referring to member states. Legal scholars split over whether a proclamation can annex the globe by vocabulary. The White House counsel’s office argued that aid law requires a foreign principal, and a foreign principal cannot exist on a planet that has been renamed. “If the map says America,” one lawyer wrote, “the check is not foreign. The check is a refund.” Asked about countries that did not request the change, the president said they were “included at no extra charge.” Asked about oceans, he said they were “American water with worse parking.” Asked about the Moon, an aide said that filing would be handled in phase two. By evening, USAID had been folded into the Department of the Interior and given a new motto: There Is No Abroad. A spokesperson said remaining staff would focus on “interstate goodwill” and on reminding distant Americans that they have always been eligible for the same flags. The president, departing the briefing, said the era of sending money overseas was over because overseas had been discontinued. “It was a great name, Earth,” he said. “Overrated. We’re keeping the dirt. We’re changing the letterhead.” The post Trump Ends All Foreign Aid by Declaring Entire Planet America appeared first on Genesius Times.

LOS ANGELES — Netfux on Thursday premiered 12 Angry Karens: The Lindsay Clancy Trial, a limited series the streamer describes as “a searing chamber piece about justice, motherhood, and whoever designed the American family.” Early viewers report the twelve jurors agree on almost nothing except the identity of the responsible party. The film, shot in a single over-air-conditioned jury room with complimentary white wine and a laminated list of approved feelings, follows an all-female panel as it considers the case of a Massachusetts mother who admits strangling her three children and then jumping from a window. The panel cannot decide whether the defendant planned the afternoon, heard a commanding voice, was overmedicated, was undermedicated, or simply needed more help with dinner. After four ballots they are unanimous on one finding: the patriarchy did it. “We didn’t want a simple verdict,” said showrunner Blair Pendleton in a statement released through Netfux’s Department of Narrative Care. “We wanted twelve distinct women to wrestle with evidence, trauma, and the architecture of oppression. What they kept landing on, independently, was men. That’s craft.” The characters spend the first hour requesting to speak to the judge, the bailiff, the court reporter, and, at one point, the building manager about the thermostat. Deliberations stall over whether sending a husband out for takeout constitutes premeditation or unpaid emotional labor. A juror who works in HR argues that a command hallucination should have been documented in writing. Another insists the real crime is that no one offered the defendant a “mental health day” that lasted three years. By hour two the group has produced a shared document titled “Root Causes.” Listed items include: the invention of the nuclear family, exercise bands, basement rec rooms, male physicians, female physicians who trained under male physicians, and the expectation that a labor-and-delivery nurse might still be expected to deliver labor at home. The phrase “she just snapped” is struck and replaced with “the system snapped her.” Critics have been cautiously supportive. “It is rare to see a jury so rigorously refuse to distinguish between a planned act and a structural condition,” wrote one reviewer for The Streaming Conscience. “Every time the evidence points at the defendant, someone mentions her husband leaving the house. It is a master class in causal substitution.” Netfux has already ordered a companion documentary, The Takeout, examining the gendered history of errands. A spokesperson said the company is “listening” and “learning,” and that any resemblance to an actual Massachusetts trial is “a conversation we are humbled to platform.” As of press time the on-screen jury remains hung on murder, manslaughter, and lack of criminal responsibility. The final intertitle reports they have, however, voted 12–0 to recommend a task force. The post Netfux Presents ‘12 Angry Karens: The Lindsay Clancy Trial’: Twelve voices. One hallucination appeared first on Genesius Times.