Wilmington, DE – In a triumphant announcement today, former President Joe Biden revealed that his long-stalled presidential library project has finally secured full funding, raising a total of $487.62 through a combination of GoFundMe donations, loose change from Air Force One couch cushions, and a particularly successful yard sale. The Joe Biden Presidential Library and Avocado Toast Repository will be housed in a modest “Little Free Library” box installed on a quiet sidewalk in Wilmington, Delaware—mere blocks from Biden’s home, allowing for easy access during his daily Amtrak commutes that no one is quite sure he’s still taking. “It’s big league stuff,” Biden declared at the unveiling ceremony, attended by three neighbors, a curious dog, and a reporter from the local HOA newsletter. “This isn’t just some fancy marble mausoleum like those other guys. No, sir. This is a library for the people—where folks can take a book, leave a book, and maybe snag one of my classic aviators if they’re lucky.” The collection, curated personally by the former president, will feature approximately 27 dog-eared paperbacks, including multiple copies of Promises to Keep (all signed with the same Sharpie inscription: “Keep the faith! – Joe”), a well-thumbed biography of Franklin Roosevelt, and one unexplained Danielle Steel novel that aides insist was “definitely for Dr. Jill.” Highlights of the facility include: A weatherproof wooden box painted in patriotic red, white, and blue (though the blue has already started peeling). A small plaque reading “In Honor of Joseph R. Biden Jr., 46th President and Champion of Malarkey Eradication.” Strict operating hours: “Whenever I’m not napping.” Critics have called the project underwhelming compared to the sprawling Obama Center in Chicago or the George W. Bush Library in Dallas, but Biden dismissed the complaints with characteristic flair. “Come on, man! Those places have gift shops and cafés. Mine has soul. And it’s free. You can’t beat free—unless you’re talking about ice cream, which I still maintain should be a constitutional right.” The library is expected to open officially next spring, pending approval from the Wilmington Historic District Commission and resolution of a minor zoning dispute over whether the structure technically counts as “littering.” Donors who contributed more than $20 will receive a personalized thank-you postcard featuring Biden’s trademark grin and the message: “No joke, folks—you’re the reason democracy still has a fighting chance. Now let’s go get some soft-serve.” The post Joe Biden finally raises enough money for his presidential library appeared first on Genesius Times.

This is so sad.

This is SPARTA