Conservative Satire
Conservative Satire

Conservative Satire

@conservativesatire

Britons Horrified to Learn UK Rape Gangs Have Been Using Air Conditioning
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genesiustimes.com

Britons Horrified to Learn UK Rape Gangs Have Been Using Air Conditioning

LONDON — Ordinary Britons expressed shock and outrage Tuesday upon discovering that grooming gangs operating across the United Kingdom have been making extensive use of air conditioning, a practice many described as “deeply concerning” and “not very climate-friendly.” “I mean, we’ve known about the Rotherham scandal and all the rest for years,” said Margaret Hewitt, 58, of Rotherham, while fanning herself with a copy of The Guardian. “But finding out they’ve been running the AC full blast? That’s just taking the piss. We’re meant to be hitting net zero.” Multiple reports have confirmed that several organised child exploitation networks maintained climate-controlled environments in their safe houses, vehicles, and grooming locations. Some operations allegedly kept indoor temperatures at a “frivolous” 21–23°C, well below recommended summer guidelines issued by the Department for Energy Security and Net Zero. Local councillors in affected northern towns called for an urgent inquiry. “This raises serious questions about energy profligacy,” said Labour MP for Rotherham Sarah Champion’s successor in a prepared statement. “We already have vulnerable girls being systematically abused. The last thing we need is these monsters contributing to record heat pump installations and Ofgem price caps.” Environmental campaigners were quick to weigh in. “Air conditioning is a luxury that exacerbates the very inequalities these gangs exploit,” said a spokesperson for Extinction Rebellion. “If they must commit horrific crimes, the least they could do is sweat it out like the rest of us during this climate emergency.” Prime Minister’s Office sources indicated the government is “taking the matter extremely seriously” and is considering new guidelines that would require all criminal enterprises to file carbon audits before installing cooling systems. Proposals under discussion include mandatory smart meters on grooming vehicles and a “Rape Gang Refrigerant Levy” to fund additional Just Stop Oil protests. At press time, a petition demanding that all known grooming gang members be required to use only passive cooling techniques had gathered 47 signatures, while another calling for actual prosecutions of the perpetrators had been removed for “community standards violations.” The post Britons Horrified to Learn UK Rape Gangs Have Been Using Air Conditioning appeared first on Genesius Times.

Meet 7 Brave Trans Athletes Whose Dreams Were Crushed By The SCOTUS Ruling
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babylonbee.com

Meet 7 Brave Trans Athletes Whose Dreams Were Crushed By The SCOTUS Ruling

Before the United States Supreme Court handed down its ruling that effectively banned trans athletes from competing in women's sports, a wide range of competitors were working toward achieving their lifelong dreams. Now, those dreams are over. These are their stories.

rumbleOdysee
Someone get this lunatic to the psych ward ASAP cause WTF?

Supergirl Unveils New Superpower Of Losing $100 Million In A Single Week
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babylonbee.com

Supergirl Unveils New Superpower Of Losing $100 Million In A Single Week

METROPOLIS — The public was once again amazed by one of its heroes in recent days, as Supergirl unveiled a new superpower, showing the awesome ability to lose $100 million in a single week.

Rape Gang Busted In The UK For Illegal Air Conditioner Use
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babylonbee.com

Rape Gang Busted In The UK For Illegal Air Conditioner Use

LONDON — A rape gang was busted Wednesday after British police received an anonymous tip that they'd been illegally using an air conditioner.