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Washington, D.C. — A Genesius Times petition launched this week has garnered over 150,000 signatures calling for President Biden to award the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Sergeant Al Powell of the Los Angeles Police Department, citing his “extraordinary contributions to national security and inter-dimensional crisis management.” The petition, started by user “TwinkieDefender88,” praises Powell for his role in resolving the 1988 Nakatomi Plaza hostage crBREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situationisis, where he provided critical ground support to Detective John McClane during a terrorist takeover that threatened dozens of lives and an undisclosed amount of bearer bonds. “While others dithered, Sgt. Powell kept his cool, offered moral encouragement over the radio, and ultimately redeemed himself by accurately shooting a terrorist—proving that second chances matter in law enforcement,” the petition reads. 834,201 have signed. Can we get to 1,000,000? Please leave this field empty Check your inbox or spam folder to confirm your subscription. But the campaign’s most compelling argument references Powell’s earlier service in New York City, where, as a corrections officer, he personally facilitated the release of the Ghostbusters from municipal detention. This timely intervention, proponents claim, allowed the paranormal elimination team to confront and defeat the Sumerian demigod Gozer, preventing the total destruction of Manhattan and, by extension, the Eastern Seaboard. “Without Sgt. Powell’s bureaucratic efficiency in processing those release forms, New York City would still be a smoking crater inhabited by marshmallow residue,” one supporter commented on the petition page. “He literally freed the only people capable of saving the world from apocalyptic crossover events. If that’s not Medal of Freedom material, what is?” White House officials declined to comment on the petition, though sources say staffers have been quietly debating whether fictional characters qualify under the award’s criteria, which traditionally honor “especially meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States.” Previous recipients include athletes, entertainers, and philanthropists, but none have yet included officers known primarily for purchasing snack cakes en route to hostage situations. Critics have dismissed the effort as “yet another symptom of online nostalgia run amok,” pointing out that Powell’s most notable achievements occurred in documented cinematic events rather than verifiable history. However, supporters counter that the Medal has been awarded for less tangible impacts, and Powell’s calm demeanor in the face of both European terrorists and supernatural entities sets a high bar for public service. As of press time, the petition continues to gain traction, with celebrities reportedly considering endorsements. One anonymous Hollywood insider noted, “If we can give medals to people who throw footballs really far, why not to the guy who indirectly saved us from the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?” The White House has not indicated whether Sgt. Powell—last seen enjoying a well-earned embrace with McClane—will be invited to a ceremony. The post PETITION: Presidential Medal of Freedom for LAPD Sergeant Al Powell, Hero during 1988 Terrorist Attack at Nakatomi Plaza appeared first on Genesius Times.

St. Paul, MN – Fresh off MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell’s announcement that he will seek the Republican nomination to challenge him in the 2026 gubernatorial race, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz unveiled his latest entrepreneurial venture: MyTampon, a premium menstrual product line positioned as a direct counterpunch to Lindell’s pillow empire. “Mike wants to put Minnesota to sleep with his conspiracy theories and late-night infomercials,” Walz said at a press conference surrounded by neatly stacked boxes of tampons in understated Nordic-blue packaging. “I’m here to wake people up—and provide reliable protection during the heavy flows of political nonsense.” The timing of the launch, just days after Lindell’s December 11 declaration from his Shakopee factory floor, has fueled speculation that MyTampon is Walz’s unconventional way to remind voters of the stakes in the upcoming election. Lindell, a vocal Trump ally known for promoting debunked 2020 election claims, has vowed to combat “rampant fraud” under Walz’s administration while running the state like a business. Walz, seeking an unprecedented third term, dismissed the challenge with characteristic Midwestern understatement. “If Mike thinks he can pillow-fight his way into the governor’s mansion, he’s in for a real leak,” the governor quipped. “MyTampon is about absorbency you can count on—unlike certain election theories.” Key features of the MyTampon lineup include: The Fraud-Proof Ultra – Engineered to handle even the most overwhelming surges of misinformation. The One Minnesota Organic – Sustainably sourced, with a subtle pine scent to evoke the North Woods. The Coach’s Compact – Discreet and dependable for those long days on the campaign trail or coaching the linebackers. Political analysts describe the move as classic Walz: folksy, progressive, and subtly aggressive. “Lindell is selling dreams wrapped in Giza cotton,” said one DFL insider. “Walz is selling reality—because sometimes life just flows, and you need something that won’t let you down.” Lindell, when asked for comment during a tour of his new campaign bus, called MyTampon “another socialist giveaway disguised as commerce.” “Real Minnesotans want pillows for their heads, not government-mandated protection,” he declared. “This is just Tim trying to pad his resume.” Early polls suggest the tampon-pillow rivalry could dominate the 2026 race, with voters forced to decide between restful nights and leak-free days. MyTampon will debut exclusively at Minnesota co-ops and Target stores, complete with a promotional slogan: “When the flow gets tough, the tough get absorbent.” As Walz wrapped up the event: “Mike challenged me. Now I’m challenging him—right where it counts.” The post Minnesota Governor Tim Walz Counters Lindell’s Gubernatorial Bid with Launch of “MyTampon” Brand appeared first on Genesius Times.

December 15, 2025 — Today's Conservative Cartoon