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Conservative Satire

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1 h

'Hit The Deck! We're Under Attack!' Cries Greta Thunberg As Frozen Burrito Explodes In The Microwave

'Hit The Deck! We're Under Attack!' Cries Greta Thunberg As Frozen Burrito Explodes In The Microwave

MEDITERRANEAN SEA — Terror struck a humanitarian mission on its way to Gaza, as the crew and passengers of the Global Sumud Flotilla reported a loud, jarring noise accompanied by a bright flash of light and heat, leading them to believe that doom was imminent.

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1 h

Media Uncovers Hot Hunk Birthday Card Trump Sent To Justin Trudeau

Media Uncovers Hot Hunk Birthday Card Trump Sent To Justin Trudeau

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump once sent a "hot hunk" birthday card to former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, a new report from the House Oversight Committee alleges.

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1 h

Safety-Conscious Passengers Now Donning Full Suits Of Crusader Armor To Ride Public Transit

Safety-Conscious Passengers Now Donning Full Suits Of Crusader Armor To Ride Public Transit

U.S. — In the wake of multiple incidents of assault and murder on buses and trains across the country, safety-conscious passengers said they were donning full suits of crusader armor to ride public transit.

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3 hrs

ICE Enforcement Action At Chocolate Factory Nabs 475 Illegal Oompa Loompas

ICE Enforcement Action At Chocolate Factory Nabs 475 Illegal Oompa Loompas

U.S. — The operations of a major candy manufacturer faced significant setbacks this week, as an ICE enforcement action at a chocolate factory reportedly nabbed 475 illegal Oompa Loompas.

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3 hrs

Gay? This Man Just Remembered His Best Friend's Birthday

Gay? This Man Just Remembered His Best Friend's Birthday

LOS ANGELOS, CA — Could he be gay? Sources close to Jaxon Walsh think the 35-year-old may have just come out of the closet as homosexual, as Walsh just remembered his best friend's birthday.

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