MILAN—In a display of unparalleled moral fortitude and respiratory caution, the United States Women’s National Team secured the gold medal in Virtue Signaling at the global championships of performative righteousness—then promptly used the post-competition press conference to demonstrate why mere victory is never enough. The squad appeared en masse wearing face masks—black, emblazoned with slogans so small they required zoom lenses to read—despite the venue’s open-air setup and zero reported airborne threats. “Safety first,” explained team spokesperson-equivalent (name redacted for excessive humility), voice muffled but righteous. “We can’t celebrate until every border is abolished.” Judges awarded perfect scores for the opening sequence: synchronized mask adjustments while refusing to remove them for questions, paired with a 12-minute opening statement condemning ICE for “existing in the first place.” The athletes praised the deportations that never happened to them personally, then pivoted to lamenting the “carceral state” that somehow allowed them to compete internationally without incident. When pressed—through layers of fabric—about the teams that had actually defeated them on the field earlier that day, the response was swift and unified. “Congratulate them? For what—playing a game while we were busy dismantling systemic oppression?” one masked forward replied, eyes narrowing above the edge of her N95. “The real winners are the migrants ICE terrorizes daily. Our silver—or whatever—was merely a platform to amplify that truth.” Another player, adjusting her mask for dramatic emphasis, added: “We lost because the patriarchy still controls the referee’s whistle. Also climate change affected ball trajectory. But mostly ICE. Defund it yesterday.” The Swedish team, silver medalists in the event, earned polite nods for their land acknowledgment during the ceremony. Canada took bronze after apologizing in two languages for winning anything at all. But the Americans dominated headlines by spending 85% of their airtime railing against border enforcement rather than acknowledging the superior athleticism of their conquerors. Post-conference, the gold medal hung limply around a neck still fully masked, as the team issued a joint thread explaining why holding the trophy was “problematic” unless proceeds funded “abolitionist soccer clinics.” Merchandise featuring “Gold in Wokeness, Silver on the Pitch” flew off virtual shelves, with all profits earmarked for causes that will definitely materialize eventually. As the squad departs for the next cycle of competitions, analysts forecast upgraded routines: perhaps full PPE ensembles for Climate Lamentation or bilingual chants against Customs and Border Protection during Reparative Retweeting. For now, America remains atop the virtue podium—masked, muffled, and magnificently more concerned with imaginary deportations than actual defeats. Congratulations to the U.S. Women’s Team: undisputed champions of the sport where the only score that matters is moral superiority, measured in decibels of complaint. The post US Women’s Team Takes Olympic Gold in Virtue Signaling appeared first on Genesius Times.