No child is perfect, and they are all bound to show some sass from time to time with a rude comment or by rolling their eyes when you speak to them. As parents, it’s our job to understand where those behaviors come from and stop them before they become ingrained parts of their personalities. A kid who’s rude at home may grow up to be the guy who gets fired for mouthing off at work. Experts say one of the most effective ways for parents to prevent kids from being rude is to inoculate them with positivity. It’s called the 5:1 method, originally developed by famed psychologist John Gottman for couples, and it’s been found to work well with kids, too. The tactic is pretty simple: For every negative comment you make about your child, say five positive things. A mother scolds her daughter. Photo credit: Canva What is the 5:1 method for raising children? Jennifer Wallace, author of Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, explained the method on an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast: “Criticism impacts our kids up to five times more than a compliment does. We are wired as parents to look for the negative and to try to help our kids overcome the negative. But really, what we need to do to have that kind of connection is we need to focus on the positive things that are inherent about them. What is it about them that’s unique? For every one criticism, I need to at least have five positive interactions with my kids.” @melrobbins “If you want to be closer with your kids, this one’s for you. In this eye-opening episode, Jennifer Wallace shares the 5 to 1 Parenting Rule and delves into the pressure of “toxic achievement” that can leave you feeling like you’re never doing enough “Never Enough: 7 Ways to Protect Yourself (and Your Kids) From Toxic Pressure” in bio #melrobbins #changeyourlife #mindset #createabetterlife #takecontrol #motivation #melrobbinspodcast #podcast #podcastclips #parentingadvice parenting” ♬ original sound – Mel Robbins When kids feel safe and supported by positive interactions, they don’t feel the need to act out to get attention. “A strong, nurturing relationship also reduces the need for children to act out to gain attention,” Dr. Carla C. Allan, a clinical psychologist, told Parents. “When attention is offered freely and consistently, behavior is less likely to escalate into attempts to be noticed.” Constant positive attention can also improve how your child talks to themselves. “This commentary gets internalized as their inner voice,” Olivia Bergeron, a psychotherapist, told Parents. “If it’s consistently [empathetic], kids will develop resiliency and better weather the inevitable mistakes that happen.” A mother hugs her daughter. Photo credit: Canva Five ways to practice the 5:1 method 1. Point out positive behaviors If your child is struggling with their homework, you might say, “I saw how you hung in there and made it through your math, even though it was tough.” 2. Create meaningful moments Take time out of your day to play a card game with your child or go out into the yard and play catch. Make sure to read together every day and spend time chatting when you can, undistracted by technology. 3. Practice empathy Validate their emotions when they are frustrated or hurt. “I understand that you’re feeling upset right now” goes a lot further than “Brush it off.” 4. Provide positive reinforcement Give your child immediate praise whenever they exhibit a positive behavior. Tell them things like, “Great job for remembering to close the bathroom door,” or “I like how you are cooperating with your sister.” 5. Give physical affection Whenever you hold your child’s hand, hug them, or sit close to them, oxytocin—the bonding hormone—is released, bringing you closer together. The post How the simple 5:1 rule helps parents stop their kids’ rude behavior appeared first on Upworthy.