We all enjoy a good pat on the back. Whether it’s letting your kid know how proud you are when they do well at school or telling your partner how much you enjoyed a meal they prepared, appreciation of a job well done is immensely satisfying. And yet, translating gratitude into the written word has become something of a lost art. So what’s holding us back from sending a sincere thank-you note? If writing thank-you notes by hand sounds a little too quaint in the era of text messages and Slack pings, recent studies show that written expressions of gratitude have the remarkable power to transform both your relationships and your reputation.Plus, your mother will be thrilled! @wendylwoodall Mama on thank you notes. #southernlife #southernmanners #mamaanne ♬ original sound – wendylwoodall – wendylwoodall The awkwardness gap we create in our own minds A small gesture can go a long way, so why don’t we send thank-you notes to the people in our lives more often? According to a study by the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, we often hold ourselves back because we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Researchers Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley asked participants to write letters of appreciation before surveying both the senders and recipients. The results revealed a striking “awkwardness gap”: Overestimating the discomfort: Senders consistently worried that expressing their genuine feelings would feel forced, “cheesy,” or socially uncomfortable. Minimizing the joy: Senders also drastically underestimated how happy, touched, and surprised recipients would be. Focusing on the wrong things: Senders often struggled to find the “perfect, eloquent words,” and that held them back. Meanwhile, recipients didn’t care about perfect wording or impeccable prose; they simply appreciated the intent behind the gesture. @torimooore how to write a thank you note! use this formula for inspiration. forgot to also say that thank you notes should ALWAYS be handwritten! #etiquette #etiquettetips #thankyounote #thankyounotes #manners ♬ original sound – TORI | dress code girlie Fears about how the notes were written or how they would be received “may be a barrier to expressing gratitude more,” Kumar noted.  How gratitude transforms everyday connections The simple act of writing a thank-you note doesn’t just make the recipient feel good—it can completely reshape how they perceive the sender. In another study published by the American Psychological Association, recipients of thank-you notes genuinely appreciated the expression of gratitude. They were also pleasantly surprised by the gesture, which further amplified their positive feelings toward the sender. The good vibes extend across a variety of personal and professional relationships. From business contacts to neighbors and old friends, sending a heartfelt note sets you apart. Expressing appreciation projects a thoughtful, competent, and trustworthy image. @param.sandhu.gill Thank you Notes | Param Sandhu Gill #gratitude #love #appreciation #paramsandhugill #thankyou #notes #tiktok ♬ original sound – Param Sandhu Gill On her blog, author Katherine Garbera points out that gratitude is a powerful catalyst for personal transformation. It shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have. It also helps you recognize the positive impact others have on your life, which can make you want to support and collaborate with them even more. Thank-you notes build a bridge of connection in a world that often feels increasingly disconnected. They offer an incredible emotional return on investment for both the writer and the recipient. So think for a minute: Who has made a positive difference in your life recently? Take two minutes, grab a pen, and let them know. Science suggests the gesture will land much better than you think. The post Research shows one simple action can change someone’s entire perception of you appeared first on Upworthy.

There are times to speak up, moments when it’s best to say nothing, and opportunities be very considerate in your response. But when you’re on the receiving end of a back-handed compliment, a foolish remark, or a coworker takes you down a peg, and your emotions are up, it can be hard to have a thoughtful response. Often, we say something we shouldn’t. How is it that some folks fly off the handle and say things they’ll later regret, while others can stay calm and remove themselves from the situation or take the high ground? One way to be less impulsive with your words is to use the “name it to tame it” neuroscience hack, originally coined by author and psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel. When used properly, it allows you to step back from the moment and choose the best response in a challenging situation. A man saying shhhh. Photo credit: Canva How to use the ‘name it to tame it’ hack When someone upsets you, the first thing to do is to go inside yourself and describe the emotion that you feel in your body. Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you afraid? Do you feel rejected? Are you disappointed? The moment you name the emotion, it will begin to subside and give you the emotional and mental room to respond to the person who caused the negative emotion, rather than impulsively reacting. How to respond to a reactive emotion so you don’t fly off the handle Event happens: 1. Your body stiffens up 2. You feel an intense emotion 3. You examine the emotion and give it a name: “My body is telling me I am angry.” 4. You should feel the emotion beginning to subside 5. Choose your response instead of being impulsive Why does ‘name it to tame it’ work? “Name it to tame it” works because, when we have a strong emotional reaction, our lizard brain kicks in, and we go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The lizard brain is not known for giving thoughtful and strategic responses to challenging situations. When we name the emotion, our prefrontal cortex, or the thinking brain, kicks in. The thinking brain looks at the situation and says, “Alright, we don’t need to run or fight here. It’s best to give a strategic response.” When we tune into the negative emotions by naming them, they relax because they feel heard, like when a child has hurt their knee or a loved one has real concern and you gives them undivided attention. Once the emotions are named, they are tamed. Then, you are more likely to respond to the negative person with grace and speak from the best part of yourself. Dr. Dan Siegel, who coined the phrase “Name it to tame it,” explains the brain science behind the technique in the video below. He does a great job of explaining how it allows us to transfer our thoughts from the downstairs brain (the lizard brain) to the upstairs brain (the thinking brain), so we can calm down and respond appropriately to the situation. A woman zipping up her mouth. Photo credit: Canva The next time you feel it rising, name it At the end of the day, this trick isn’t about suppressing how you feel or pretending to be unbothered. It’s about giving yourself just enough space between the sting of the moment and whatever comes out of your mouth next. That pause is where the good responses live, the ones you won’t have to apologize for later. So next time someone gets under your skin, try saying it to yourself first: I am angry. I am hurt. I feel disrespected. It sounds almost too simple to work, but the brain science says otherwise, and so does anyone who’s ever wished they’d taken a breath before reacting. This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated. The post A simple neuroscience brain trick to stay quiet instead of saying impulsive things you’ll regret appeared first on Upworthy.

Whether it’s an employee or a student, offering compliments and praise for their work is important. It’s not only kind, but it can also help motivate continued growth and long-term success. That said, there is such a thing as praising someone effectively. Andy Luttrell, a social psychologist, and others argue that the most effective praise focuses on effort rather than assigning a trait or ability to someone’s success or fixating on the final result. In a video, Luttrell explains that comments like, “Wow, you got ten questions right, you’re so smart,” or “Wow, you got ten questions right, that’s a perfect score,” can boost self-esteem. However, that kind of praise may be limiting compared to feedback such as, “Wow, you got ten questions right, you must have worked really hard.” The study that proves the point According to Luttrell, children participating in a study on praise were given quizzes and then divided into three groups. One third received praise focused only on the result, another third were praised for an assigned trait or ability, such as being told, “You’re so smart,” and the final third were praised for their effort with feedback like, “You must have worked hard.” When given the choice between taking a more challenging quiz or an easier one, children who had been praised for their intelligence were more likely to choose the easier option than those praised for effort. Later, when the children took a tougher quiz and were told they performed worse than before, researchers asked whether they wanted to take the problems home to keep working on them. Most of the children praised for being smart declined, while the majority of those praised for effort welcomed the chance to keep trying. @progress.playground Stop complimenting people’s talents, start complimenting their efforts. Saying you’re so smart, beautiful, funny doesn’t really help people in comparison to complimenting people’s efforts. “I love that you constantly critically think about these situations” instead of “you’re so smart” “I love that you take the time to focus on your appearance” instead of “you’re so beautiful” ” it’s amazing that you focus on being unapologetically yourself! Your charisma really shines bright” instead of “you’re so funny” #communicationskills #communication #communicationtips ♬ original sound – Reece | Communication Coach This isn’t just about kids While Luttrell focused his research on schoolchildren, the same psychology applies to adults in the workplace. When praise centers heavily on ability, traits, or results, people often feel motivated to protect that image. To preserve perceptions of being “intelligent,” “beautiful,” or “strong,” they may take fewer risks that could threaten that reputation. This hesitation can stem from ego, fear of being seen as lesser if things go wrong, or the belief that praise is only earned through successful outcomes. As a result, people who are consistently complimented for ability rather than effort can become stuck, avoiding challenges and limiting their own growth instead of reaching their full potential. However, people who are praised for their effort are more likely to take chances, work harder, and pursue larger goals. Because their effort is recognized, they feel encouraged rather than pressured, making them less afraid to tackle challenges without needing to be perfect. While achievement still matters, emphasizing effort creates space to fall short, knowing their work will still be valued. And if they do fail, they’re more likely to take risks again rather than retreat, continuing to challenge themselves and grow. @amandalizzie we love a compliment tip ? #forfun #forfunzies #fypシ #foryou #work #workhumor #working #workinggirl #boss #marketing #marketingtiktok #worklife #funnymoments #workinghardorhardlyworking #worklifebelike ♬ original sound – ??‍??‍ How to actually put this into practice So the next time you pay someone a compliment, whether it’s a child, a coworker, or anyone else, consider focusing on their effort. Saying things like, “I can tell you worked hard on this,” or “I saw how much effort you put into that,” can be powerful when they succeed. And if they fall short, encouragement such as, “You worked hard, and you’ll do better next time,” can boost them enough to make that achievement true the next time around. This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated. The post Psychologist explains why praising people’s efforts instead of their results leads to better outcomes appeared first on Upworthy.

Finding ways to stay warm during the winter is never easy, especially with rising energy costs. Now more than ever, keeping heating bills low is crucial. On Reddit, a user shared frugal advice from their single mom about keeping a home warm during brutal Michigan winters on a tight budget. “I currently live and grew up in mid Michigan with a very frugal single mother of 3 kids,” user KookyUnderstanding65 explained. “We had a 100+ year old house with terrible insulation. We learned a few tricks for staying warm on a budget over the years. … It was tough for a while, but we always made it through.”  Frugal ways to heat the home These are six frugal ways the Reddit user’s mom kept their family warm during the winter: 1. Use window film “You can get it from consumers energy for a steep discount or sometimes for free. It’s ugly and a pain but it makes all the difference on a drafty window! Still chilly? Hang a blanket over the window for extra insulation!” 2. Grab a hair dryer “Freezing pipes? Grab a hair dryer! Legit. Can’t tell you how many cold mornings I spent in the basement warming the pipes with a hairdryer lol. May not be the most energy effective but at least we didn’t have to run out and buy anything new. Hairdryer was free and available!” 3. Utilize the oven after baking “After you’re done baking something, leave the oven door open to allow the residual heat into your home. It’s not advised to do this with the oven on and you should never attempt to heat your home with a stove or cooking device.” 4. Block drafts “Roll blankets or towels and set them at the bottom of doors to reduce drafts (on exterior doors and between rooms that you’re not in/trying not to fully heat).” 5. Make the most of your space “During the day, try to keep everyone to one room that’s the most heated. Do activities that help keep warm (like jumping jack or push up contests. Probably the only time my mom intentionally riled up three kids). If needed, sleep in the same room. Mom made this fun by saying we were ‘camping in the living room’. We’d grab every blanket in the house and all cuddle up together on the living room rug. Easier to heat one room and more warm bodies to cuddle!” 6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help “When there’s nowhere else to turn, ask for help. If you’re backed against a wall, reach out to someone or community programs. Everyone deserves warmth and safety. There’s absolutely no shame in keeping yourself and/or your family safe.” @dadadvicefrombo Love, Dad ♬ original sound – DadAdviceFromBo Additional money-saving heating tips Fellow Michiganders and frugal readers offered their advice on how to heat a home during the winter: “I like to keep a big pan of water on to boil periodically. Helps add heat and moisture when the house gets dry.” – alohamora19 “If you can’t afford the film for windows, buy painter’s plastic from Menards, Lowe’s, or Home Depot. Per foot it’s cheaper and you can get several winter’s with in a single purchase. Use painter’s tape, blue papery tape, to hold the plastic up right ripping the paint off your walls. Still be careful removing it, don’t just yank it. If you have unused exterior doors seal them completely with plastic and tape.” – mesoterra “On the coldest days I like to walk around and figure out where drafts are coming in. I found one on our sliding door last year and yesterday found a gap between the mantle/wall that seemed to be allowing cold air in. A little bit of foam or replacing seals can make a huge difference and it’s a permanent improvement.” – HonestOtterTravel “You can also place a tent on top of your mattress and sleep inside. It stays quite warm. No-frills tents are relatively inexpensive.” – SomethingHasGotToGiv Winter doesn’t have to break the bank At the end of the day, none of these tips require fancy equipment or a big budget, just a little creativity and the willingness to make do with what’s already on hand. A hair dryer, a rolled-up towel, an old blanket, these are things most people already own, and this mom turned them into a survival kit for a Michigan winter. Staying warm doesn’t have to mean spending more. Sometimes it just means being resourceful, and knowing when to ask for help if things get too tight. This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated. The post A single mom from Michigan shared 5 frugal tips for keeping her home warm during brutal winters appeared first on Upworthy.

Imagine you’re walking by a payphone in Abilene, Texas, when it unexpectedly rings. You pick up, only to hear that a total stranger over 1500 miles away in San Francisco is on the other end of the line. Do you argue, as so many social media algorithms would have people do? Or do you dig into your primal human instinct, the one that makes evolution possible, and find yourself connecting? The biotech company Matter Neuroscience had this thought. What if they chose one of the most conservative and most liberal cities in the U.S. and installed free payphone-looking devices in each one? The idea is to bridge the gap between the great divide many are currently experiencing. Whether due to politics, religion, or different lifestyles, many are seemingly forgetting that we’re all just human beings searching for contentment. View this post on Instagram On their Instagram page, Matter Neuroscience (@Matterneuroscience) explains that it’s about people connecting from all walks of life. “The goal of this project is to create space for friendly, human-to-human conversations. We believe that a few different opinions (even on important political topics) should not block us from having a truly positive, maybe even fun conversation with other humans.” How it works As explained on the initial Instagram Reel, “When one phone is picked up, it automatically calls the other.” In a video, we see one of the Matter Neuroscience teammates, Logan Ivey, setting up an old payphone that was bought on Facebook Marketplace for $300.00. Ivey jimmies it open to put a modem inside, with a Verizon SIM card inserted. In essence, it’s a cell phone inside of a payphone. On the side, the words “The Party Line” are painted to entice people walking by to give it a shot. At the top of the “payphone” in San Francisco, they’ve written “Call a Republican.” (In Texas, it says “Call a Democrat.”) There’s an extra plaque at the top that says, “This payphone is a social experiment. Right now you’re in San Francisco, the most liberal city in America. When you pick up this phone, it will automatically connect you to another payphone in Abilene, Texas, the most conservative city in America.” They continue their mission statement, writing, “The goal for this project is to have people from different places have meaningful conversations. Because hostile political discourse increases our brain’s cortisol levels and suppresses our happiness. But positive conversations do the opposite. We are recording the conversations so that we can highlight positive ones on our social media account, though any personal names shared will be bleeped out, as we treasure your anonymity. Have fun and enjoy!” View this post on Instagram The results People are already taking the “have fun” part to heart. In one conversation, the phone rings in Texas and a young woman answers. After some giggly pleasantries, they each establish the cities they’re in and the current weather. The adorably pure laughter continues as they realize what a cool thing they’re taking part in. The Texan shares, “I’ve been to San Francisco before. You have those cool little streets and stuff.” The Californian is, unfortunately, late for a meeting, but noted, “I was like I had to pick up.” The Texan is glad she did, gushing, “Oh my goodness. We picked up at the same time. I’ll probably never see you again. But Jesus loves you and I hope you have a good life.” The Californian agrees. “Oh yeah, you too. Sending you all the best. All the blessings.” View this post on Instagram Another conversation has a Texas woman and a California guy connecting nearly immediately. He admits, “I was running down the street and I heard the phone ring. Wait a second, I know that phone!” They laugh and once again pleasantly discuss the weather. He then asks, “What else do you want to talk about?” She answers honestly, saying, “I don’t know! We just wanted to call and make some friends.” He replies, “Oh fantastic! Well, I’m going to meet a bunch of friends out. We’re a group called Moto Chug. It’s not really a group, but it’s the group text name. And we’re all friends who ride motorcycles together.” He tells her a bit about their group, to which she replies in earnest, “You are so cool. I hope that you know that. And I hope that you go and tell your friends that this random college kid from Abilene, Texas thinks that you guys are so cool.” He sweetly responds, “Awww, awesome! Right on! Well, it’s great to talk to Texas, man. Hang in there. I’ve got good family in Texas and they’re all great people. Hella love going from San Francisco to Abilene, Texas right now.” They then exchange names before he tells her, “We need to make more connections to make this a better place.” The comment section is delighted. One writes, “I’m grinning from ear to ear. Just pure joy on what’s going on here! Can’t wait for the next call.” Another adds, in part, “The type of discourse we really need in this country.” View this post on Instagram Matter Neuroscience and their mission Matter Neuroscience has been searching for the definitive formula for happiness since they were founded in 2019. Alongside the Happiness Research Institute, Maastricht University, and the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, they (according to their website) sought “to find a universal biomarker for happiness to guide all of us to long, happier, healthier lives.” But what they’ve found is that the answer is far more complex than some doctors or even philosophers might suggest. Upworthy had the chance to chat with Ben Goldhirsh, who co-founded Matter Neuroscience, alongside neuroscientist Axel Bouchon. (Small world! Goldhirsh incidentally was also one of the co-founders of GOOD Worldwide, the umbrella company of Upworthy.) He explained that in all of his research, he has found that if people only understood how the brain worked, it could make a real difference. “It’s interesting how culture sort of focuses you on certain areas. The reality is that your biology requires this rainbow of activity.” He also notes that everyone should benefit from happiness research, not just depression and anxiety patients. Their team decided, “We should create something that is useful to everyone. So, we basically opened up the ‘Emotional Fitness Club‘ (an app.) Everyone should understand the science of happiness. We all have this incredible organ, and we’re trying every day to teach people about this stuff.” What they were really trying to prove The payphone experiment wanted to test how people, when stripped to just two voices across the country, would react to one another. “One of the topics that a lot of people in our community were talking about is how stressful things feel right now. And so cortisol is this fascinating and super valuable chemical in the brain that is popped out when we experience conflict or a fight-or-flight response.” The question posed was: “Are we in a state of fight or flight actually? Or are we actually just misconstruing things and feeling like we’re in conflict? If we put a phone booth in the most liberal city and the most conservative city based on voting blocks, will people choose conflict? Because in a way, that’s what the media would make you think people would choose. Or will people choose to connect and find common ground, which releases all these positive emotions, or chemicals, in the brain? Will they choose cortisol and conflict? Or will people choose cannabinoids and finding common ground?” View this post on Instagram Turns out, at least so far, that 100 percent of the people in these conversations have chosen common ground. “I get to listen to all of this. It’s this amazing break from the funny mirror that we’re constantly looking in.” Additionally, Goldhirsh shares that people are just looking to connect. “People don’t want to be seen as stereotypes. People look to connect on human stuff. Like ‘Oh, I’m on a date.’ Or ‘Gosh, this sandwich is so expensive.’ Humans are awesome, and if given the chance to connect, it brings out our humanity. And it’s really nice to see how we biologically evolved to connect with each other directly. And when we have those opportunities, it turns out the best parts of us.” This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated. The post A ‘social experiment’ lets people from Texas and San Francisco randomly connect on a payphone appeared first on Upworthy.