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How to improve any speech with this 6-word framework by Stanford professor Matt Abrahams
Visualize this: your boss suddenly turns to you in a meeting and asks, “What do you think?” Your mind goes blank. You were paying attention, but being put on the spot feels intense. Your heart pounds. You try to respond, unsure of what to say, and then replay the moment in your mind for the next hour.
Situations like this happen to almost everyone. Matt Abrahams, who teaches organizational behavior at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business, says that up to 85% of people feel nervous in high-stress communication moments. As he jokes, “Quite frankly, I think the other 15% are lying.”
Luckily, Abrahams has spent his career studying what happens in these high-pressure moments and, more importantly, how we can handle them well. He’s not only an academic; he also coaches some of the world’s top speakers, including executives, Nobel Prize presenters, and TED Talk headliners.
Let’s look at how this six-step system works in real situations.
Mindset: How to stop holding yourself back
The first four steps of Abrahams’ system are about what happens in your mind before you say anything.
Step 1: Calm–Tame your anxiety
Anxiety isn’t a personal weakness; it’s part of being human. Abrahams explains that our fear of speaking in front of others comes from evolution. It’s a reaction that started when our place in a group was important for survival. Knowing this may not stop your sweaty palms, but it can help you see the experience differently.
Breathing intentionally can help fight anxiety. Photo credit: Canva
Still, anxiety feels very real. To help with it, Abrahams tackles both the symptoms and the causes. For the symptoms, he suggests deep belly breathing, making your exhale twice as long as your inhale. He calls this the “rule of lung.” For example, breathe in for three counts and out for six. Try this a few times before an important meeting or when you expect questions. The longer exhale helps your body relax.
Anxiety comes from worrying about what might happen. The best way to fight it is to stay present. Abrahams suggests using tongue twisters, counting backward from 100 by 17s, or greeting people before you speak. These tricks keep you focused on the moment, so there’s less room to worry about what could go wrong.
Step 2: Unlock–Aim for “good enough”
This part often surprises people. Abrahams tells his Stanford MBA students to “strive for mediocrity so that you can achieve greatness.” Most of them are shocked when they hear this.
His reason makes sense. When you try to speak perfectly, part of your mind is talking while another part is judging you. This inner critic uses up your mental energy. Abrahams borrows from improv and says to “dare to be dull.” Lowering the pressure helps you get unstuck. Once you start talking, your confidence and momentum grow.
Step 3: Redefine–See problems as opportunities
For most people, public speaking feels like a test you either pass or fail. Abrahams suggests a new way to look at it: “We have to see these situations as opportunities, not threats.”
Changing your mindset makes a big difference. A question from the audience becomes an occasion to connect. An unexpected follow-up in a meeting is an opportunity to show what you know. Abrahams also cites the “Yes, And” idea from improv, which means accepting what’s happening and building on it instead of fighting it.
Step 4: Listen–Pace, space, grace
Listening well before you respond is one of the most overlooked communication skills. Abrahams uses a framework from his colleague, Collins Dobbs, called “pace, space, grace.”
Listening well before you respond is one of the most overlooked communication skills. Photo credit: Canva
Pace explains the benefits of holding back before answering. Most of us start thinking of our answer before the other person is done talking. Space is about giving yourself a moment, maybe by asking a clarifying question or repeating what you heard before you reply. Grace is about trusting your gut. Sometimes, people don’t need an answer—they need to be acknowledged, supported, or just have a different kind of conversation. Learning to detect this is a valuable skill.
Messaging: Deciding what to say and how to say it
Once you have the right mindset, the next two steps help you figure out what to say.
Step 5: Structure – Organize your thoughts on the fly
This is where Abrahams’ approach gets really useful. He believes that if you know the basic outline of your answer ahead of time, you can focus on incorporating details that matter to you.
To help you speak off the cuff, he suggests a simple three-part structure: “What? So what? Now what?” This method helps you organize your thoughts clearly, even when you’re caught off guard.
First, state your main idea, position, or key information. (What?)
Next, explain why it matters to your audience. (So what?)
Finally, suggest what should happen next or what action to take. (Now what?)
This structure isn’t a script—it’s sort of like a recipe. You bring the ideas, and the framework helps you put them together.
Step 6: Focus – Get to the point
Be explicit and direct about your purpose. Abrahams shares his mother’s advice: “Tell me the time, don’t build me the clock.” In other words, when someone asks a question, they want the answer, not the whole backstory.
To stay on track, Abrahams suggests asking yourself before you speak: What do I want this person to understand? How do I want them to feel? What do I want them to do? This three-part goal—”know, feel, do”—helps you avoid rambling. When you have a clear goal, you get to the point faster.
How to actually get better at this
But Abrahams points out that frameworks alone aren’t enough. “The only way to get good at communication is the same way we get good at anything else,” he says. “Repetition, reflection, and feedback.”
Keep practicing—you will get better at public speaking. Photo credit: Canva
This means practicing out loud, not just in your head. It also helps to record yourself and watch the video, since there’s often a difference between how we think we sound and how others see us. Ask for honest feedback, not just reassurance.
He recommends building a “communication pantry“—a set of stories, examples, and facts you can use when you need them. The more you have ready, the easier it is to respond on the spot.
Improving one discussion at a time
What’s great about Abrahams’ approach is that you don’t have to pretend to be someone else. Instead, use what you already have—your knowledge, experience, and real desire to connect—so you can rely on those strengths even when you’re under pressure.
Abrahams often says “connection over perfection,” which is a helpful signal of what really matters. The goal of speaking off the cuff isn’t to be perfect—it’s to be present, helpful, and real. When you stop worrying about performing and focus on the person you’re talking to, you actually get better at it.
Start small. Before your next meeting, take three deep breaths. Pick a simple structure, like “what, so what, now what,” and give it a try. Notice what happens. Like any skill, you’ll get better with practice, one discussion at a time.
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