Dear Gen Z mom, Hi there. Gen X mom of three here. It’s been a couple of decades since I was in your shoes, but I remember those worn soles (and the tired feet that walked in them) well. I’m not here to offer you advice, knowing how insufferable that can be from older moms. (I wrote a whole article once about why young moms shouldn’t listen to older mothers, because we all get “momnesia.” Anyone who tells you to “enjoy every moment” has simply forgotten the reality of raising little ones and is only remembering the sweet adorableness of those years. Saturday Night Live even parodied this fact.) Instead, I want to offer some what-to-expect wisdom from someone who has traversed her own parenting path, enjoyed its spectacular vistas, navigated its obstacles, and stumbled into its thorny brambles. I remember what it was like to start the journey with a backpack full of ideals, and to find that the path was a lot more harrowing than I expected. You’re doing better than you think If it all feels impossible some days, that’s because it is. Parenting babies and toddlers is an all-consuming task to add on top of normal life. I look at moms of toddlers now and wonder how I did it. The joy and adorableness of those ages is hard to beat. But the exhaustion is real. The overwhelm is real. You’re doing great, I promise. If you cared enough to click on this article, I assume you are a conscientious mom doing her best. That’s literally half the battle. There are, sadly, parents out there who should not be parents. Whatever your background, whatever baggage you’re bringing on this journey, making the effort to do your best means you’re on the right path. That backpack of ideals gets real heavy, real fast. (Photo credit: Canva) Your best will often feel like failure Unfortunately, doing your best does not equate to actually knowing what you’re doing. Nor does it mean feeling like you’re getting it right. Some experts and guidebooks can tell you what you might encounter on this journey, but there’s no actual map that tells you where the journey ends or how to get to that place. As a result, you will likely feel like you are failing at parenting, a lot. That is normal. It doesn’t mean you are. Sometimes you’re walking the path in the dark. Sometimes the path gets washed away and you feel stuck. Sometimes you’ll have multiple voices telling you to go in different directions. Sometimes your backpack of ideals gets too heavy and you have to start ditching things. That’s the nature of the journey. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Having multiple children will humble you, and that’s a good thing If you have a fairly easy child, relish it. But don’t attribute too much of that ease to your stellar parenting skills. No doubt, that’s some part of it. But nothing will humble you faster than having multiple children. I say this all the time! I was even the perfect parent after my first kid and then God humbled me up real quick with the second.— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) May 18, 2023 The nature vs. nurture question that has plagued philosophers for centuries gets answered quite quickly in families with multiple kids. Yes, nurture is important, but there is no question that nature plays an outsized role. Each child comes with their own unique makeup of temperaments, needs, and personality traits that you have no control over. The beauty in that is that it allows you to honor each child for who they are, not who you expect them to be. Your kids will surprise you in ways you couldn’t predict It’s weird. Kids do come to you with a baked-in nature, but they’re also always changing. The adjectives I’d use to describe each of my kids in their childhoods only partially overlap with the ones I use to describe them as young adults, and largely in ways I wouldn’t have predicted. The child you predict will be the most rebellious as a teen may turn out to be the least. The quick-tempered one may become a super chill adult. The shy kid may become a public speaker. The kid who was fearless as a preschooler may develop an anxiety disorder as a tween. You get to know your kids over and over as you traverse the path together. They grow and change, and you can’t fully know who they’ll be around the next bend. You need community with other moms They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a village to raise a mother, too. Moms need support from one another, both emotionally and physically. If you think you don’t, at some point, you will. Motherhood is not meant to be a solo journey. Moms need community. (Photo credit: Canva) Play dates aren’t just for kids. If you haven’t found any moms you click with, keep looking. Strike up conversations with moms at the park. Arrange a meetup. Start a local mom support group. Will you be BFFs with every mom you meet? No. But you might just find one or two who you vibe with that will be a lifeline for you. I don’t know how I would have survived parenting without other moms to lean on when my part of the path got rocky. Be careful that your idealism doesn’t turn to perfectionism If I were to offer one word of warning: Perfection in parenting doesn’t exist, and pursuing it is a fool’s errand. Your generation is known for being passionate about many ideals, which is great. I see you striving to avoid raising “iPad kids.” (Bravo.) I see you being wary of sharing photos of your babies online. I see you trying to figure out the best way to feed, nurture, and educate your children. I see you just past the trailhead with a backpack full of ideals, and I applaud you for the packing job. Truly. Just be aware that some of those ideals aren’t going to make it to the end of the journey with you. Many will be discarded, either because they are too heavy to carry or because they prove less useful or helpful than you thought they’d be. That’s perfectly normal. Idealism can easily become perfectionism, which only weighs you down unnecessarily. Learn to let things go. Don’t keep carrying what doesn’t actually serve you or your child. In practical terms, that might look like letting Grandpa give your toddler a treat you wouldn’t give them or putting on a kids’ show to give yourself an hour to regroup without guilt. Seriously, mamas. Whatever your path ends up looking like and wherever it leads, you’re already navigating it so much better than you think. With love, A Gen X mom who remembers The post To Gen Z moms of toddlers from a Gen X mom who’s been there: You’re doing great. Just be careful. appeared first on Upworthy.