Extroverts, eat your hearts out, because Pete Singleton, 31, of Seattle, WA, is officially the socialite to end all socialites: This guy has four save the dates on his fridge spanning the last five years. 

Well, well, well! This is a man about town and then some!

Pete’s social gifts are clearly without limit if his refrigerator’s collection of not one, not two, not three, but four save the dates is any indication! The four pieces of cardstock pinned up by fridge magnets are an awe-inspiring testament to Pete’s 99th percentile interpersonal savvy, proudly exhibited for all to see like the trophy kills of a master hunter, or med school diplomas on a brain surgeon’s office wall. All you have to do is glance at Pete’s fridge to learn that not only was he invited to a high school friend’s small mid-Covid ceremony in 2020, but he was also invited to a coworker’s nuptials earlier this year. Pete may just be to Christian weddings between white couples what Andy Warhol was to New York’s elite social scene in the 1960s: If it’s happening, he’s there!

Four wedding attendances in five years? Has anyone on Earth ever been so in demand? Pete’s social prodigiousness cannot be understated.

If you plan to invite Pete to your wedding in the near future, you’d better do it soon, because the calendar of a social sage like him is probably fully booked with saved dates through the next decade! Let’s hope Pete donates his brain to science after he dies so we can understand his preternatural ability to get invited to weddings!