Do you worry that you spend too much time on the computer? Don’t! In all likelihood, you’re not spending anywhere near enough time online. Here are five reasons you should triple down on your daily screen time!

1. You could get a new email at any moment

Email happens all the time, whether you’re ready for it or not. The last place you want to be when you receive a new email is offline, letting that unread message collect dust in your inbox. Off-computer activities, like hiking, surfing, performing surgery, etc., may be fun and all…but that’s time you could be spending reading, forwarding, and replying to personal or work-related emails in a prompt manner instead. Want to regret missing out on crucial, human email experiences on your deathbed? We didn’t think so. Get back on the computer, and stat!

2. Using the computer poses virtually zero risk of tearing your ACL

ACL injuries are painful, costly to repair, take a long time to rehabilitate–oh, and they almost never, ever happen on the computer. You have a higher likelihood of tearing your ACL having sex than you do browsing the internet. Hey, if you want to find out the hard way, be our guest. But if you’re looking for an activity that comes with all the benefits of using the computer, and none of the danger to your stabilizing knee ligaments? Using the computer is the ticket, friend.

3. You can consume Italian Brainrot more efficiently on the computer than out in the real world

Try bearing witness to Tralalero Tralala in a non-computer setting. It’s incredibly difficult! You can ask people to describe Ballerina Cappuccina to you until the cows come home, but it just doesn’t hold a candle to consuming Bombardino Crocodilo content on the computer, as it was intended. Life’s too short to take in Italian Brainrot the analog way!

4. Being on the computer remains by far the best way to chat with cute boys

When it comes to messaging with cute boys, the computer’s the tried and true way to do it! Ever since computers became a thing, they’ve been the world’s best tool for getting to know cute boys over the internet. You can live chat with the boys about what it’s like being cute, or how often they use the computer, and you can even ask if they have any interesting photos they feel like sending to your computer—if you can express it with a keyboard, you can chew the rag about it with a cute boy on the computer! Plus, IRL, you can only chat with one cute boy at once. But online? You could be chatting with hundreds of cute boys all at the same time! Enough said!

5. Your consciousness will eventually be uploaded into a computer for all eternity, with or without your consent, so you should get familiar with the digital landscape now!

In the not-too-distant future, a tech company is going to collect your remains, map your brain, emulate it as a computer algorithm, and then store your conscious mind on a server for the rest of time. Do you really want to go into that situation unprepared? Reject computer at your own peril. You may think you’re doing yourself a service by cutting down on your blue light intake before bed tonight, but it will come back to bite you down the line, when you’re floating around digital non-space for hundreds of years without a paddle!

Folks, when it comes to the computer, our only choice is to lean in. Stop making excuses and start spending as much time online as you possibly can!