Well, this is downright infuriating. One of our country’s most beloved museums is mired in a truly sickening case of corruption: The President of the American Museum of Natural History has stepped down after being caught making bone broth with a T. rex femur.

Absolutely shameful. Hopefully this man is placed in prison and never allowed near dinosaur bones for the rest of his disgusting life. 

Earlier today, Sean M. Decatur officially resigned as President of the Museum of Natural History after security cameras caught him sneaking into the building after hours to make over 200 gallons of bone broth using a tyrannosaurus rex femur from the museum’s collection. According to reports, Decatur was confronted by museum security personnel stationed at the loading docks behind the building while he was attempting to shove an industrial barrel of T. rex bone broth into the back of his Mercedez-Benz. Decatur insisted he’d made the broth with bones he’d brought from home, and was only using the museum’s staff kitchen because the stove in his penthouse “was too small” for the amount of broth he needed to make for the Thanksgiving gathering he was hosting for “6,000 cousins.” 

Decatur’s story fell apart when a guard on night shift followed a rich, savory aroma to the museum’s dinosaur exhibit, and noticed that the T-Rex’s femur was wet and steaming. Decatur allegedly tried to buy the security staff’s silence, bribing them with one gallon of T. rex bone broth each, but by then, they’d already called the police. 

In a confession he gave before posting bail, Decatur admitted that he had no cousins, revealed that he doesn’t even celebrate Thanksgiving for political reasons, and said that the T. rex bone broth was intended for his own personal use exclusively, explaining that he never planned to sell the broth to private collectors or restaurants for financial gain. “To see those giant dinosaur fossils collecting dust on display when they have so much protein, collagen, and minerals in them, I thought it was just such a waste,” Decatur wrote in his resignation statement. “I tried one sip of the T. rex bone broth and it tasted incredible, and I was so excited to make lentil soup with it, but I still regret my actions. I’m sorry for betraying your trust.”

Hey, here’s a better use for all that illegal dinosaur bone broth: boiling this greedy, corrupt bastard alive in it!

Clearly, the Museum of Natural History needs to start vetting their leadership better and install security measures to prevent this from happening ever again. It just goes to show how easily some people are corrupted by their positions of power, huh? What a dark day for natural history…sigh.