The Department of Justice yesterday released the transcript and audio recordings of Ghislaine Maxwell’s proffer — in reality, an image-laundering operation to try to get herself a pardon for her sex-trafficking crimes — given in a federal prison in Tallahassee, where she was serving time for sex trafficking. (She’s since been relocated.)

Related: AG Pam Bondi: Still-Unreleased Epstein Files to Be Redacted for ‘National Security’

The TL;DR:

· There is no client list. “There is no list. We’ll start with that. The genesis of that story, I can actually trace for you from its absolute inception, if that is what you’re interested in… I’m not aware of any blackmail. I never heard that. I never saw it, and I never imagined it.”
This marks the first time in history, perhaps, that a perp is convicted of sex trafficking with no one to whom the sex slaves were trafficked.
How curious!

· Jeffrey Epstein didn’t keep any child sex tapes even though he had his entire New York property, including bedrooms, wired with video cameras

· Bill Clinton never got “massages,” despite flying on Epstein’s pedo-plane dozens of times. “There was that, you know, the plane, they went on the plane 26 times or whatever. That would be one journey. So they spent time on the plane together, and I don’t believe there was ever a massage on the plane. So that would’ve been the only time that I think that President Clinton could have even received a massage. And he didn’t, because I was there.”

· Epstein wasn’t colluding with any foreign or domestic intelligence agencies.

· Jeffrey Epstein’s prison murder wasn’t an attempt to protect his powerful, allegedly non-existent clients. “I do not have any reason to believe that. And I also think it’s ludicrous, because if that — I also happen to think if that is what they wanted, they would’ve had plenty of opportunity when he wasn’t in jail. And if they were worried about blackmail or anything from him, he would’ve been a very easy target.”

And… we’re done here!

Case closed, boys and girls.

Never mind that the very same DOJ charged Maxwell with perjury in 2020; she’s totally come clean now — just a God-fearing salt-of-the-Earth all-American woman, right hand on the Bible, telling the God’s honest truth for the sake of righteous justice and full transparency, a model (naturalized) citizen for all to emulate.

Related: Former Trump Adviser to CNN: Epstein Memo Blowback ‘Ado About Nothing’

It’s also a wild coincidence that, a few days after giving this groundbreaking information that there is no client list and Epstein wasn’t an intelligence asset to the DOJ, she got herself reassigned to a minimum-security prison/spa resort and out of the actual prison where she was serving time for sex trafficking prior.

Last month, the president refused to rule out a pardon for Maxwell.