Washington, D.C. — In a dramatic escalation of nonverbal parliamentary procedure, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) today registered his firm opposition to the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility (SAVE) America Act by executing precisely two blinks during a routine floor appearance.

Sources close to the 84-year-old lawmaker, who has long preferred minimal-effort communication methods, confirmed the double-blink as McConnell’s most forceful dissent since the single prolonged stare deployed against infrastructure spending in 2021.

“Two blinks,” explained veteran Capitol Hill observer Dr. Evelyn Morse of the Institute for Subtle Legislative Signaling. “That’s not ambivalence. That’s practically a filibuster in Morse code. One blink means ‘I’ll allow it to proceed.’ Two blinks means ‘over my cold, occasionally freezing body.'”

The SAVE America Act, which sailed through the House earlier this month on a wave of enthusiasm for requiring documentary proof of citizenship to register to vote and strict photo ID at the polls, would ensure only American citizens decide American elections—or at least those American citizens who happen to have a passport, birth certificate, naturalization papers, or sufficiently motivated aunt who can dig through the attic.

McConnell, positioned at his customary spot near the back where lighting is forgiving and escape routes plentiful, delivered the historic ocular rebuke shortly after Majority Leader Schumer finished praising the bill’s “common-sense” provisions. Witnesses report McConnell’s eyelids moved in crisp, deliberate succession—blink, pause just long enough to let the moment land, blink—before returning to their default half-mast configuration.

“He didn’t even need to uncross his arms,” marveled one GOP aide speaking on condition of anonymity because the boss still scares them a little. “The blinks said it all. Pure economy of motion. Truly vintage Turtle.”

Supporters of the legislation expressed bewilderment at the minority leader’s position.

“Two blinks? That’s it?” asked Rep. Chip Roy (R-TX), the bill’s original House sponsor. “I was expecting at least a slow head shake or maybe a dramatic exhale. This feels disrespectful to the existential threat of non-citizen voters who definitely exist in statistically meaningful numbers that we feel in our bones.”

White House officials, meanwhile, urged calm.

“The President remains confident the Senate will pass the SAVE America Act,” a spokesperson said in a written statement. “We interpret Senator McConnell’s blinks as enthusiastic support. Perhaps he was just dealing with dry eyes from all the winning.”

McConnell declined to comment through traditional channels. When approached by reporters after the session, he simply blinked once—slowly—before being escorted away by staff.

Political analysts now speculate the two-blink maneuver could set a new standard for Senate opposition. Already, junior members are practicing in mirrors, hoping to master the technique before the next must-pass spending bill.

At press time, McConnell was last seen stationary near a Senate elevator, eyelids presumably recharging for whatever controversy arrives tomorrow.

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