No one thought it could happen, but Donald Trump believed. The president performed a miracle on Tuesday by compelling Democrats to stand and cheer for their country during his State of the Union address—by praising the USA women's hockey team and inviting them to the White House.

Trump began with a classically Trumpian assessment of "what should be" his third term as president while looking ahead to the 250th anniversary of America's independence. "Our country is winning again," he said. "In fact, we're winning so much that we really don't know what to do about it. People are asking me, 'Please, please, please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't take it anymore. We're not used to winning in our country. Until you came along, we're just always losing, but now we're winning too much.' And I say, 'No, no, no. You're going to win again. You're going to win big. You're going to win bigger than ever.'"

To drive home the point, Trump introduced the members of the USA men's hockey team—who have become the focus of an insane internet controversy due to their failure to clap back at Trump. A handful of psychotic liberals have denounced the players for failing to lecture the president about inclusive equity when they were several beers deep during a raucous locker room celebration after beating Canada in the Gold Medal Game. (No, they're not joking.)

The male hockey stars strolled into the gallery wearing their medals and basked in the enthusiastic chants of "USA!" The nearby press corps looked on in silence, but even some Democrats joined half-heartedly. "That's the first time I've ever seen them get up," Trump quipped before also praising the USA women's hockey team for winning Olympic gold. That got almost every Democrat on their feet. At least they could agree on something.

The rest of the speech went more or less as expected. Liberals denounced the "grotesque" spectacle and compared it to a "Klan rally." The New York Times published a preemptive fact check. Democrats pouted and jeered when Trump described his administration's efforts to crack down on their priorities—illegal immigration, crime, DEI programs, and Palestinian terrorism, among others. Rep. Al Green (D., Texas), the elderly crank thrown out of last year's address to Congress for shouting and waving his cane, was ejected within minutes for holding a sign that read, "Black People Aren't Apes." The way he was holding it, at times, with his hand covering an "A," it read, "Black People Rent Apes."

Rep. Ilhan Omar (D., Minn.) looked as though she was about to burst into tears or commit a violent crime. She shrieked intermittently along with her seatmate, Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D., Mich.), who sported a "Fuck ICE" pin. They weren't the only ones who ignored the advice of House minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D., N.Y.), who had urged Democrats to engage in "silent defiance." Some opted to skip the speech and attend a sad alternative rally outside in the cold. "There are probably 75 people in this crowd, and I would say 35 of them are reporters," the Daily Wire reported. Former MSNBC anchor Joy Reid attempted to sing at one point. It did not go well.

Trump was relatively disciplined throughout. He mostly stuck to the script rather than engage the hecklers, depriving them of the attention they craved. He took a long pause and milked the moment after inviting lawmakers to stand if they agreed that "the first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens, not illegal aliens." Democrats stayed in their seats, obviously. "You should be ashamed of yourself," he scolded.

Democrats stayed silent as Trump introduced Sage Blair, a young woman from Virginia who became embroiled in a lengthy legal dispute after school officials encouraged her to gender transition at age 14 without the consent of her parents. "These people are crazy, I'm telling you," Trump said as Democrats declined to endorse his call to make sure it would never happen again.

Trump's other guests were even more deserving of applause than the USA hockey team, but that didn't stop Democrats from resisting with silence. They didn't stand when the president addressed the parents of Iryna Zarutska, the 23-year-old Ukrainian refugee murdered on public transit by a "deranged monster" in Charlotte, N.C. They moped silently as Republicans cheered for Dalilah Coleman, a 7-year-old who overcame life-altering injuries from a car wreck caused by an illegal immigrant driving a semi-truck with a California license.

Trump vowed to uphold the "strong" state of the union by finding new ways to implement tariffs, which he credited with helping the stock market reach record highs on his watch. He slammed last week's "unfortunate ruling" by the Supreme Court that limited his power to enact trade policy and predicted that his tariffs could eventually bring in enough money to "substantially replace" the income tax system. CNN's top fact checker, Daniel Dale, posted frantically throughout the night.

Democratic heckles continued as Trump laid out his priorities for the coming months. He urged Congress to pass the SAVE Act, which would impose ID requirements for voting and other election reforms. Trump even chided his handsome pal, Zohran Mamdani, for requiring multiple forms of ID to shovel snow in New York City, but no ID to cast a ballot. "The only way they can get elected is to cheat, and we're gonna stop it," Trump said.

The president began by introducing the gold-medal-winning hockey team and ended on a note of great patriotic feeling, too. He brought the house down by awarding Congressional Medals of Honor to one member of the Greatest Generation and one of Gen Z: retired Navy captain Royce Williams, a 100-year-old veteran of the Korean War, and Chief Warrant Officer Eric Slover, a helicopter pilot wounded in the operation to abduct Venezuelan dictator Nicolás Maduro. He also expressed frustration about being prohibited from giving himself the medal, which he has always wanted. "If they ever open up that law, I will be with you someday," he told the recipients.

Finally, Trump warned the "terrible people" running Iran to abandon their "sinister ambitions" or face devastating consequences. Alas, he neglected to strike the regime during his speech as many had hoped.

Melania looked gorgeous as always, and Barron mogged.