The Florida heat would have been enough to convince me to stay home. But it wasn’t the only reason I didn’t want to attend the seminary’s welcome-back supper. I was working two jobs and had no energy for mingling with a bunch of strangers. Not to mention that my husband was the one going to school, so these people weren’t really going to be my friends. Filled with nerves, I reluctantly got in the car with my husband, and we drove to Reformed Theological Seminary, Orlando. With a deep breath, and more than likely a giant eye-roll, I walked into the loggia and darted to the first open seat I could find. I observed all the joyful camaraderie between the students and felt out of place. We just need to make it to graduation, I thought, then I can start making friends again. Fast forward 18 months. I was disconnected, frustrated, and friendless, begging my husband to take me back to my hometown to pursue anything but ministry. I didn’t want to continue toward vocational ministry if this kind of isolation was part of the gig. In that dark season, the Lord opened my eyes to an important reality: My support network for our future ministry was right in front of me in seminary, yet I was too prideful to see it. Seminary wife, I know you’re in a challenging season. You’re balancing home life, work, and supporting your husband’s studies. But let me say this clearly: You’re not meant to be an island in ministry, so don’t be an island in seminary. Invite and Invest After realizing seminary was a blessing, both to my current season and future ministry, I visited campus as much as I could. I asked my husband to invite his peers and their families over for meals. I got contact information for other wives and sent them encouraging messages. By our last semester, I had a group of wives coming to my apartment once a month to pray and share about ministry hopes and fears. You’re not meant to be an island in ministry, so don’t be an island in seminary. Here’s one thing I learned: If you want to build friendships in seminary, you can’t wait for someone to invite and include you. Everyone is feeling the intensity of studying while trying to live a semiregular life. Friendships will not magically appear. So open your hands and your home with an invitation. Be the first person to reach out. Often, you’ll need to push against a heavy current of excuses and think outside the box. Get Creative By the time our final year of seminary rolled around, my husband and I had seven part-time jobs between us. We also had two children younger than 3. Our challenging circumstances necessitated creative means for connecting with others. Here are some ways I pursued friendship: Hosting a weekly game night group after our children went to bed Meeting with other wives and female students for lunch on campus or for an evening walk Organizing childcare for couples who wanted to attend a seminar or class together Encouraging our seminary to do weekend events for women who work during the week Several pastors’ wives recently told me they haven’t spoken with anyone from their seminary days. They didn’t form meaningful connections because friendship during seminary felt like an extra endeavor they didn’t have the capacity for. They cited physical distance from the seminary’s campus, long work hours, or simply no motivation to make friends as reasons they didn’t forge deep relationships. However, when reflecting on those days, the consensus has been “I wish I’d made time back then, because I’d have friends who would understand ministry life now.” While you can’t create more hours in your day, you can get creative with the hours you have—your future self will thank you. Through Seminary and Beyond A 2017 Lifeway study of ministry spouses showed that 69 percent had very few people in whom they could confide. Only 9 percent stated they could count on other ministry spouses when in difficult situations. It may not seem like seminary will ever end, but I promise you it does. The exams, papers, and Greek flash cards all over your kitchen table will one day no longer be part of your everyday life. Sooner than you think, you’ll be walking alongside your husband in his vocational ministry. While you can’t create more hours in your day, you can get creative with the hours you have—your future self will thank you. I have a text group with my seminary friends where we send pictures, ministry updates, and prayer requests. We rejoice over new children and new jobs. We mourn losses and disappointments. We share the grit and grime of life in ministry because everyone in the group understands in a way that only other ministry wives can. This sounding board of encouragement and exhortation has been an incredible blessing as my husband and I navigate vocational ministry. And it only exists because a group of women decided to actively invest in one another when we had plenty of reasons not to. I can’t help but praise God when I think about my seminary friendships. Having a dozen women singing God’s faithfulness to me amid ministry challenges will never get old. Sweet sister, reach out your weary hand and invite others into your life and home. Invest in the women around you. Bless them and allow them to bless you in return. Although seminary is temporary, your seminary friendships don’t have to be.