Tehran, Iran — In a scathing internal review leaked to Western intelligence agencies (and promptly posted on a public Telegram channel titled “IRGC Bargain Bin Blues”), senior officers of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps expressed profound disappointment with their latest drone acquisitions, reportedly sourced from the popular e-commerce platform Temu. Sources within the IRGC Aerospace Force, speaking on condition of anonymity because complaining about budget cuts is still frowned upon, described the shipment of 1,200 “Shahed-136 Compatible Knockoff” drones as “not living up to the advertised five-star rating.” “The listing promised ‘battle-tested endurance’ and ‘precision-guided vengeance,’” one colonel reportedly fumed in a memo. “Instead we got units that lose GPS lock over friendly territory, engines that sound like asthmatic lawnmowers, and warheads that sometimes detonate on launch with all the enthusiasm of a wet firecracker.” Complaints centered on several recurring issues: Build quality: Multiple drones arrived with propellers secured by what inspectors identified as “genuine imitation zip ties” and fuselages held together with hot glue that melts at temperatures slightly above room temperature. Navigation: The onboard guidance system, advertised as “AI-enhanced,” appears to rely on a pre-installed version of a free 2017 navigation app notorious for directing users into bodies of water. Customer support: Attempts to contact the seller via Temu’s in-app chat resulted in automated responses promising “resolution within 7–15 business centuries” and an offer of 200 coins toward future purchases of tactical socks. One particularly aggrieved brigadier general was quoted as saying the drones “perform admirably when the mission is to provide low-cost aerial decoration for enemy air-defense radar operators.” He added that several units had helpfully self-destructed during pre-flight checks, saving Tehran the trouble of a court-martial for whoever approved the purchase order. Despite the setbacks, IRGC procurement officials defended the decision to bypass traditional arms suppliers. “In this economy,” a spokesman explained, “you either pay Raytheon prices or you roll the dice on free shipping and mystery boxes. We chose option B. Also, free mystery gift: one roll of generic duct tape included.” Temu has yet to issue an official statement, though the product page for “Long-Range Martyrdom UAV – Bulk Discount” has been updated with a prominent new tag: “Now with 30% improved structural integrity (batteries not included).” Meanwhile, defense analysts watching footage of the drones buzzing erratically over the Persian Gulf before politely crashing into the sea have dubbed the episode “the Great Temu Reckoning,” a cautionary tale about the perils of impulse-buying asymmetric warfare capabilities during flash sales. The IRGC has reportedly initiated a return request. Delivery confirmation is pending. The post Iranian military unhappy with the performance of their military drones they bought on Temu appeared first on Genesius Times.