Building healthy relationships starts with having good social skills. Feeling confident jumping into casual conversations and small talk can take practice—especially for people dealing with social anxiety. But mastering social skills at work and with friends can help you better engage with people and connect in an authentic way, avoiding feelings of awkwardness and self-consciousness. To help people struggling with their social skills, self-described “recovering awkward person” and behavioral investigator Vanessa Van Edwards shared her best advice in a YouTube video. Van Edwards describes social skills as the “tools we use to communicate, relate, and build relationships.” She explains the 14 different types of social skills to help people better understand where their strengths lie and how to capitalize on them to make interactions with others feel natural and effortless. “I want you to think of social skills differently,” says Van Edwards. “Not all social skills are created equal. There are 14 different ways we can be likable, authentic, and charismatic.” Skill #1: Linchpin Van Edwards describes the Linchpin social skill as “the gatherer.” “You are the social glue,” she says. “What’s really great about you is that typically you are a bridge.” These are the characteristics of a Linchpin: I am the glue that holds my social group together. As a team member, I’m involved in lots of projects, bringing ideas and people together. I am the only person who talks to everyone in my family. Skill #2: Conversationalist Van Edwards describes the Conversationalist social skill as someone with the “gift of gab” who is good at small talk. These are the characteristics of a Conversationalist: You have been told you are a great conversationalist. You are good at both leading and facilitating deep conversations. You speak articulately and can easily express yourself. Skill #3: Comedian Van Edwards notes that the Comedian is great at presenting, leading meetings, being a host, and “making people feel at ease.” These are the characteristics of a Comedian: I am funny. I love to make people laugh. I can always see the bright side of any situation. @vvanedwards My Secret To Building Social Skills ♬ original sound – Vanessa Van Edwards Skill #4: Speaker “What we don’t realize is that we are speaking all the time,” says Van Edwards—from giving directions to telling a story. These are the characteristics of a Speaker: I can captivate an audience. I love being on stage or leading a meeting (even on video!). I love writing speeches, giving toasts, and delivering presentations. Skill #5: Influencer Van Edwards says the Influencer social skill is especially helpful in business. “You have no problem talking about who you are and what you do,” she says, adding that Influencers are good at expressing ideas and getting people to agree with them. These are the characteristics of an Influencer: People typically listen to what I have to say. I can be very persuasive. I am good at pitching myself. Skill #6: Listener Van Edwards notes that this is the social skill she struggles with most, adding that she is highly “neurotic.” “I’m always so worried there is going to be an awkward silence,” she says. “So the moment there is any kind of break, I try to hop in and make sure people are okay.” To help with this, she took an eight-day “vow of silence,” which she says helped her become a better Listener. These are the characteristics of a Listener: People always come to you to vent, complain, or talk about their problems. You tend to listen more than you talk. You are very good at being fully present with people and giving them your full attention. Skill #7: Magnet “Very few people have this social skill. They’re just attractors,” says Van Edwards. “The moment they walk into a room, people are just drawn to them.” These are the characteristics of a Magnet: People usually like you. You are charismatic and authentic. People find you approachable and warm. Skill #8: Storyteller Van Edwards says that people who are good at storytelling can leverage this skill into toasts, presentations, and speeches. These are the characteristics of a Storyteller: I always have a story to share. I save and remember good stories. People always ask me to give toasts or introduce people. Skill #9: Nurturer “When you are a Nurturer, you cannot help it,” says Van Edwards. “You want to nurture everyone and everything. You’re always worried about others more than yourself.” She adds that the danger of this includes “having trouble saying no. You probably have trouble setting boundaries. And you might have difficult or toxic people in your life that you have trouble getting rid of.” These are the characteristics of a Storyteller: You love taking care of people. You tend to be a people-pleaser and have trouble saying “no.” You are very empathetic and compassionate. Skill #10: Decoder “Decoders are sleuths,” says Van Edwards. “You’re super perceptive. You’re typically good at reading between the lines.” These are the characteristics of a Decoder: I am very perceptive. I can usually tell what people are thinking and feeling. I am very good at decoding body language. @vvanedwards How To Use Curiosity To Be More Sociable ♬ original sound – Vanessa Van Edwards Skill #11: Leader “Leaders typically are good at influencing, but they’re even better at seeing an entire team or family or group and taking the pulse of [it] and trying to guide to one direction,” says Van Edwards. These are the characteristics of a Leader: I like to empower others. People often come to me for guidance. I am better at giving directions than following them. Skill #12: Connector “Connectors are good at knowing who should know who, and are very good at building a very robust network that you can rely on,” says Van Edwards. These are the characteristics of a Connector: I spend a lot of time and effort networking with others. I am good at building relationships with influential people. I have developed a large network of colleagues and associates whom I can call on for support when I really need to get things done. Skill #13: Dreambuilder “Dreambuilders are often cheerleader types, so they’re really positive and really optimistic,” says Van Edwards. “You’re really good at encouraging and appreciating people.” These are the characteristics of a Dreambuilder: You are great at solving people’s problems. You love to encourage people. You are known as a fixer. Skill #14: Chameleon “If you are a Chameleon, you are great at adapting yourself,” says Van Edwards. “You’re probably the person who has a little bit of everything [social skills].” These are the characteristics of a Chameleon: You can get along with anyone. You are a floater socially or professionally. You have a variety of friends and interests. The post Behavioral investigator shares 14 social skills that can help people struggling to make authentic connections appeared first on Upworthy.