After years of photographing soon-to-be-married couples, wedding photographer Ona Vicente says she can spot the “surefire” signs a relationship won’t last simply by going off the “vibes” of the photoshoot. “You spend enough time with couples, you develop a spidey-sense,” she says in a TikTok video. These red flags include: being dressed to go to “two completely different places,” when one spouse refuses to take off a piece of clothing (a coat, for example) for at least one shot, having constant arguments over “small stuff,” making fun of each other “in a mean way,” and getting verbally or physically aggressive. What do these “red flags”mean? All of these signs point to an unhealthy communication dynamic, which can undermine one of the most important keys to a lasting relationship: healthy communication. After all, Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, has famously said he can predict with over 90% accuracy whether couples will stay together or divorce simply by analyzing their communication patterns. @onavicente Replying to @George signs I know as an engagement and wedding photographer, that your relationship won’t last #dating #photographer #wlw #weddingphotographer #relationships ♬ original sound – Oniii As psychotherapist Eliza Davis explains, couples who have healthy communication can “navigate misunderstandings” and high-pressure situations, such as a wedding shoot, because they know how to “repair” after conflict. In one of Vicente’s scenarios, that might look like instantly knowing to apologize and reset the tone after saying something snippy. Cheryl Groskopf, an anxiety and trauma therapist, points out that even healthy couples may find themselves acting more hostile toward one another in “emotionally loaded environments.” “Stress isn’t personal,” she tells Upworthy. “When people are overwhelmed, the brain shifts into survival mode. The prefrontal cortex, aka the part responsible for patience and thoughtful communication, gets quieter, while the threat-detection system gets louder. That’s why someone might sound sharper than usual or seem short-tempered. It’s often physiology, not intention.” View this post on Instagram How couples can navigate high-stress situations That said, couples can help mitigate these tiffs by building in “small regulation moments,” suggests Groskopf. “When the schedule is packed, people forget to pause,” she adds. “Even something as simple as stepping aside together for a few breaths, holding hands for a moment, or sharing a quick joke can reset the nervous system. These micropauses help your body move out of stress mode and back toward connection.” In a subsequent video, Vicente shares that she’s seen plenty of “green flags” during her shoots as well, like reassuring one another during bouts of awkwardness, expressing the same level of enthusiasm while sharing their love story, being able to laugh with one another, and generally being on the “same page.” @onavicente Replying to @CatchinupwithCath love radar green flag edition!! #wlw #dating #relationship #greenflag #weddingphotography ♬ original sound – Oniii Vicente says couples who don’t display these traits shouldn’t consider themselves doomed; she was merely reflecting on patterns she’s witnessed. This is also reflected in how experts assess the health of a relationship—by looking at what patterns emerge. How often do bids for connection get recognized? What is the positivity-to-negativity ratio? Does feedback tend to result in curiosity or contempt? Moral of the story No two people are perfect, and therefore no relationship is going to be perfect. But what really matters is how the two prioritize their connection with one another throughout all the inevitable twists and turns of life. The post Wedding photographer shares the surprising but ‘surefire’ ways she knows a relationship won’t last appeared first on Upworthy.