“You look like you’re aging backwards!” “You can’t be 50—you don’t look a day over 35!” “How do you stay looking so young? What’s your secret?” While such comments may be well-intentioned, a woman’s viral video challenges the idea that they are actually compliments. Ting, who posts as @tingmystyle on Instagram, looks directly at the camera and says matter-of-factly, “I am 55 and I look exactly 55. Stop telling a woman, ‘You look younger,’ or ‘You look good for your age.’ It’s not a compliment.” View this post on Instagram Challenging youth-obsessed culture Ting says such comments only reinforce our youth-obsessed culture. “Everyone ages so differently,” she points out. “What are we even supposed to look like at this age? So tired of hearing that ‘She’s in her 50s but looks 20 years younger.’ Why is that the goal?” It’s a question worth asking—and definitely one worth pausing to answer. So often, people go along with what society dictates as the norm, and today that norm means trying to look younger than one’s age. But why? Traditionally, elders have been revered. When did we decide youth was superior? As Ting declares, “I don’t survive five decades to be obsessed with looking 30. How many people never made it to 55?” Getting older IS a privilege. When I hear people saying they won’t celebrate their birthdays or they’re sad about getting older I always provide a reality check. This life is not promised.— Dr. Addie A. (@african_delight) February 19, 2020 Aging is a privilege Aging is a privilege not everyone gets. Shouldn’t we feel happy to have lived as long as we have? Part of wanting to look younger may be that getting older reminds us of our mortality. But in reality, none of us knows our timeline, and if we see each day of life as a gift, the more days we’ve lived, the better. “Women don’t owe the world youth, beauty frozen in time,” Ting states. “Looking my age, or even older than my age, is not a failure. Youth is not a standard. It’s just a season. And the seasons change.” Every season has its unique beauty. Photo credit: Canva Amen. When we hold youthful beauty up on a pedestal, we miss the beauty of every other season. And though women have borne the brunt of the expectation to remain young-looking, men are feeling the pressure to look younger as well. Just look at the Hollywood stars across the gender spectrum getting facelifts and eyelifts. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good. But that’s not the same as trying to look young. “We look our age not because we’ve let ourselves go, but because we’ve finally let ourselves be,” says Ting. “I am so proud to look my age.” Embracing aging with pride It feels like an act of defiance to let ourselves look our age, much less be proud of it. But with more than eight million views, middle-agers everywhere heard Ting’s message loud and clear. View this post on Instagram Here’s what people are saying in the comments: “Ooooh, youth is not a standard, it’s just a season. Loveeeee.” “‘How many people never made it to 55.’ My mum never made it. I would have loved to send this video to her.” “Turning 39 next year and I’m excited! Like wow thank you for another year of life! I almost died in 2022 from a stroke and every birthday I’m just so thankful for my life.” “Aging is a privilege. I’ve lost too many people who would have loved to be here, wrinkly & full of sun spots and grey hairs.” “Yes! I’m 58. Don’t call me ‘young lady.’ Don’t tell me ‘happy 30th,’ on my birthday. Do you imagine I was having this much fun when I was 30? I wasn’t.” “Yes! Yes! Yes! When I turned 50 someone said to me – and I quote – ‘That’s ok 50 is the new 30!’ And I immediately shot back – ‘God I hope not. At 30 I was knee deep in diapers, never got any sleep and cared way too much about what other people said.’ At 58 when someone tells me I don’t look my age all I say is yes I do and change the subject.” I find aging actually so beautiful like there’s a certain elegance in older women who have grown to know themselves so well… have their own signature scent & style, unapologetically who they are, smile lines & endearing eye crinkles.. reapplying hand cream every hour— k (@Polished0rganic) July 4, 2023 “I’m 55 too. My only goal is to have clear glowing skin. I’m not supposed to look like my kids and I’m okay with that.” “I like giving compliments like wow you have amazing skin. Or wow you have such gorgeous shiny hair. Your eyes are bright – etc. You’re so right about youth-based compliments.” Examining our own habits So many are taking Ting’s message to heart, and it’s something to consider the next time we feel compelled to tell someone they look young for their age. Is this really a goal we want to reinforce? Or is it a social norm that needs to be thoughtfully examined—if not outright done away with? Thank you, Ting, for putting it so plainly and for serving as an example for us all. You can follow Ting on Instagram here. The post ‘I am 55 and I look exactly 55.’ Woman’s viral commentary on aging hits all the right notes. appeared first on Upworthy.