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Overthinking is a learned habit, and therapists say you can unlearn it
BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM
“Just stop overthinking” is advice that tells you nothing useful about how to actually follow it. The mind that automatically converts “they haven’t texted back” into “they must be furious with me” isn’t doing so out of weakness. It’s doing its job, badly but earnestly.
What makes overthinking so persistent is that it feels productive. “It’s the idea of: if I keep analyzing, I don’t have to sit with sadness,” says Geoffrey Gold, PhD, a psychologist at Therapists of New York. Picking apart a difficult conversation or replaying a job interview after the fact can seem like useful work. But as Dr. Gold puts it, “many situations can’t be solved with more thought,” and the people who seem most at ease tend to be the ones who have learned to accept that.
A more accurate framing for chronic overthinking isn’t that it’s a fixed personality trait or evidence of deep-seated anxiety. It’s a coping strategy, one the brain picked up somewhere along the way and has been relying on ever since. Which means it can, slowly, be retrained.
Give your spiral a defined container
Suppressing anxious thoughts rarely works, and trying to white-knuckle them away tends to make them louder. A more realistic goal is to limit the time you spend in them. Krista Norris, LMFT, founder of Conscious Connection Therapy Services, suggests setting a timer for ten minutes and writing down whatever you’re worried about: the career decision, the money fear, the relationship uncertainty. When the timer goes off, physically close the notebook or app.
“The psyche spirals when it feels unheard,” Norris explains, “so containment signals safety without letting your thoughts run unchecked.” The point isn’t to dismiss the worry. It’s to give it a defined window, acknowledge it, and then set it down.
Learn to separate facts from the stories you’re adding
“They haven’t texted back” is a fact. “They’re mad at me” is an interpretation. When you’re deep in an anxious loop, these two things feel identical, which is exactly the problem. Dr. Gold recommends slowing down enough to ask: what do you actually know, and what are you assuming?
A “let’s revisit this” email from your manager doesn’t confirm they think you’re incompetent. Someone watching your Instagram story without replying doesn’t signal disinterest. These distinctions probably sound obvious when you’re calm. They’re considerably less obvious in the middle of an anxious moment, which is precisely when having a reality-check habit in place makes the most difference.
Swap “what if” for “what’s next”
Spiraling tends to be driven by a hunger for certainty, the feeling that if you think hard enough, you can pre-solve whatever might go wrong. But most outcomes can’t be secured through more analysis. Norris recommends a small but meaningful reframe: instead of “what if this goes wrong,” ask yourself “what’s the smallest, useful step I can take right now?”
That might mean updating one section of your resume if career anxiety is the source, or sketching a rough budget if money is the pressure point. “Even tiny actions can restore a sense of agency and break that mental gridlock,” Norris says. The brain doesn’t need the whole problem resolved. It needs something concrete to engage with, and even a small action tends to interrupt the loop more effectively than more thinking does.
Be deliberate about which distractions you reach for
Not all distractions are equally helpful. Dr. Gold recommends avoiding anything that might loop you back toward what you’re trying to step away from: refreshing social media, checking your bank balance, or opening work email when work is the source of the spiral. Instead, reach for activities that engage your body and senses in a more neutral way, such as a walk, cooking, or simply splashing cold water on your face.
Practice “good enough” as a standard
A lot of overthinking is rooted in a lack of trust in your own judgment. Rereading the email one more time or scrolling through every hotel review before booking feels like thoroughness, but it’s really a chase for certainty that doesn’t exist. Norris recommends training yourself toward a different benchmark: “I don’t need total clarity to move forward. I just need a decision that’s 70 percent right.”
Post the photo that’s been sitting in your drafts. Send the networking email without triple-checking every line. These are small acts of self-trust, and they compound. The more consistently you make reasonable rather than “perfect” choices, the less urgent the impulse to overanalyze each one becomes.
Build tolerance for uncertainty in small doses
The goal isn’t to just never overanalyze again. It’s to build enough tolerance for uncertainty that your brain stops treating discomfort like a genuine emergency. “People who don’t do it as often are usually better at tolerating unpredictability and negative emotions directly,” Dr. Gold explains. “They let themselves feel disappointed, anxious, and embarrassed without trying to ‘out-think.'”
This is where exposure therapy principles come in. Dr. Gold suggests starting small and low-stakes: let an ambiguous message sit for an hour before responding. Resist refreshing your inbox for results that won’t arrive until next week. The cumulative effect is gradual but real. As Dr. Gold puts it, “you’re teaching yourself that discomfort isn’t danger: it’s just discomfort.” Once the brain learns it can tolerate those moments without needing to manage them through worst-case scenarios, it begins to reach for that response less often.
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