It’s a challenge every parent faces: striking that precarious balance between providing for their kids while still fostering independence. In today’s world, previous generations‘ struggles are a thing of the past, making that balance even harder to strike.  One parent recently found themselves at a loss with this predicament. They took to Reddit to see if they should “manufacture hardship” for their kids. In their post, they explained how they and their husband grew up “poor,” but managed to create a “very comfortable upper-middle-class life.” Because they freelance, they’re able to be a completely “engaged” parent as well—always there for “school pick-ups and getting driven around to extracurriculars.” A mom driving her two children. Photo credit: Canva And while the OP’s kids don’t act spoiled with material things, they noticeably lack a “capacity for dealing with even slight inconveniences.” From getting picked up five minutes later than their normal time, to minor switches to dinner plans, to non-VIP experiences at theme parks, this parent noted “attitudes” and “unregulated frustrations.” “If they ever face a college essay question about overcoming adversity, I don’t think they would even be able to answer it,” they wrote.   Why kids today aren’t as resilient In an article for Psychology Today, Nancy Colier LCSW, Rev. noted the rise of “helicopter parenting” and living life via a curated social media algorithm makes unregulated kids a common dilemma. Both, she argues, are symptoms of a modern culture that “conditions us to believe that life should be how we want it to be, that we shouldn’t have to struggle, and that our children shouldn’t have to, either.” A child with his head in his hand. Photo credit: Canva She goes on to say that “we don’t do our kids any favors” when we erase any trace of character building discomfort, and instead, “we create people who are dissatisfied and unhappy, and ultimately, are unable to deal with real life.” However,  Dr. Kate Renshaw, Director at Play and Filial Therapy, argues that “the real issue isn’t that children’s lives are too easy, it’s that they’re too tightly managed.” Furthermore, she tells Upworthy that “manufacturing hardship” can cause more harm than good. “Hardship without a consistent trusting relationship is confusing and stressful,” she says. “The neuroscience is clear: a child’s nervous system needs a co-regulatory anchor—a safe adult—to process difficulty in a way that builds resilience rather than artificially add to states of dysregulation.” This is why she suggests encouraging “unstructured, child-led play” where frustration tolerance can “naturally develop.” This can look like a stuck Play-Doh lid, navigating friendship decisions about gameplay, or outdoor play where the natural elements cannot be controlled by adults. Hands holding a Play-Doh house. Photo credit: Canva Suffice it to say, if even experts can’t agree on which approach is best, there isn’t exactly a one-size-fits-all solution. Even in the Reddit comments, some agreed that the parent should introduce some friction, while others said the attitude might go away on its own. So at the very least, maybe parents in this situation can give themselves a little grace.  The post Mom wonders if she should ‘manufacture hardship’ for her kids to build resilience. Other parents sound off. appeared first on Upworthy.