Having a healthy communication style isn’t just about how you speak. It’s how you listen and perceive the other person or people to whom you’re talking. Knowing the strengths (and sometimes more importantly, the weaknesses) they might bring to a conversation can often help produce a better outcome. Licensed therapist Jason VanRuler developed an efficient quiz to help people determine their communication style. After answering a short series of questions, an individual can find out if they lean toward the “peacemaker, the advocate, the harbor, the thinker, or the spark.” Of course, most of us don’t fit neatly into one box or another. To account for that, each archetype (to borrow Carl Jung’s term) is given a number, so one can see how they relate to each style. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Jason VanRuler, Licensed Therapist (@jason.vanruler) Reading the room In an Instagram Reel posted by VanRuler, he explains how essential mere perception can be. “You may think great communication is about saying the right thing, but it’s actually about knowing how to read the room. When something doesn’t land, we often blame the other person for not understanding, instead of asking how our message may not have connected with them. Different people process information differently, and ignoring that creates disconnect.” How to reframe There are ways in which he says a person can reframe. “What to Do About It: Shift your focus from ‘Why didn’t they get it?’ to ‘How can I say this in a way that connects with them?’ Pay attention to how people respond and adjust your approach accordingly. Great communicators don’t just express well, they adapt well.” In the clip, he describes a time when he was giving a conference to a room full of accountants. “So I got up and I talked a lot about feelings, and I went really deep and got really emotional. And it was really, really quiet. And I left thinking, ‘what was wrong with the audience? Why didn’t they resonate with what I just said?’ But what I didn’t really think about is, what is it about what I just said that didn’t resonate with them?” Learning your “style” can help facilitate better relationships through stronger communication. On VanRuler’s website, he explains who he’s attempting to help, writing, “Whether it’s leadership coaching, relationship building, couples therapy, addiction, trauma, or something different, my goal is the same: to speak truth and grace into every life I work with.” The 5 types In a press piece for his new book Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths to Deeper Connections and Stronger Relationships, VanRuler gives a quick explanation of the strengths of each type. (He refers to what we might call “weaknesses” as “opportunity.” The idea being to ask one’s self, “what opportunity do I have to strengthen my communication style?’ Peacemaker “Strength: Creates peace and eases tension in difficult or trying moments.Opportunity: Can avoid necessary conflict, which delays resolution and repair.” Advocate “Strength: Focused on justice, fairness, and upholding morals; advocates for their beliefs.Opportunity: Can present as intense or overpowering, or advocate when it’s not needed.” Thinker “Strength: Focused on logic, thoughts, facts, and getting things correct.Opportunity: Can miss cues for feelings and appear distant or emotionally unavailable.” Harbor “Strength: Creates a safe space for others to go deep and talk about feelings and emotions.Opportunity: May struggle to express their own needs, communicate boundaries, or be the focal point of a conversation.” Spark “Strength: Brings lots of energy, creativity, and momentum to conversations.Opportunity: Can struggle with consistency and initiating difficult conversations.” He makes it clear that understanding these “paths” is a great start to elevating a relationship, saying, “Each path speaks a different ‘language,’ and the more fluent you become in other styles, the better you can bridge the gap between you and the people you care about.” The post Expert shares the ‘5 communication types’ and how understanding them can make relationships easier appeared first on Upworthy.