Move over, Texas — the Lone Star State’s got a Senate candidate who can’t cut the apron strings. James Talarico, the 37-year-old Democratic pol running against Attorney General Ken Paxton for Senate, has exactly one checking account to his name — and he shares it with his mother, The Washington Free Beacon reports. That’s right, Mama Talarico is a joint account holder on her grown son’s Wells Fargo account, which holds somewhere between $15,000 and $50,000, according to financial disclosures. When a reporter asked his campaign why a nearly 40-year-old man needs Mommy on his bank account, they didn’t bother responding. Some things are too embarrassing even for spin doctors. The financial umbilical cord runs even deeper. Back when Talarico was a ripe 32 years old, his parents literally paid for him to move — filing a campaign disclosure showing an in-kind contribution of $1,437.84 for “moving expenses.” Mom and Dad also pumped $5,000 each into his state rep campaign that same year. And in a head-scratching twist, Talarico — who bought a $400,000 Austin home in 2022 — still lists his parents’ address as his business address in official filings. Apparently, the family home is more than just where Mom co-signs the checks. To be fair, Talarico does earn something — the Texas House pays its members a princely $7,200 a year. He’s supplemented that poverty wage through consulting work with MAYA Consulting, a DEI firm that helped school districts craft diversity plans during the height of Black Lives Matter. He reportedly pocketed around $80,000 from the firm in 2025. Tofu doesn’t pay for itself. Speaking of tofu — that’s another headache for the would-be senator. A resurfaced video shows Talarico proudly declaring his 2022 campaign “a non-meat campaign,” boasting that they’d only order from vegan restaurants as the only “moral thing to do” because eating meat is an “existential” climate threat. Paxton’s camp has gleefully dubbed him “Tofu Talarico,” and even President Trump piled on: “You can’t get elected as a vegan in Texas.” The DNC frantically posted a photo of Talarico gnawing on barbecue. Damage control never smelled so smoky. Then there’s the ideological whiplash. Talarico — who once voted against banning transgender surgeries for minors and gushed that “trans children” were what he loved most in the world — now suddenly claims he opposes gender reassignment surgery for kids. He’s also reinventing himself as a “border security Democrat” after previously demanding ICE agents be banned from wearing masks and calling deportations “terrorism.” The rebrand is breathtaking in its cynicism. As American Principles Project president Terry Schilling put it: “He’s just been too much of a radical during his time in the Texas legislature.” Mama Talarico marched in “No Kings” protests and joined her son on the campaign trail — including an appearance on The View. But Texas voters may have a simple question come November: if Talarico can’t manage his own checking account solo at 37, why should they hand him a Senate seat?