WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump on Friday terminated all U.S. foreign aid after signing an executive order that renames Earth “America,” a move the White House said made overseas assistance legally impossible and, in any case, rude. “There is no foreign,” the president told reporters. “It’s all us. Very beautiful. Very contiguous. Why would we send money to ourselves with a different accent?” The order, titled One Planet, One Brand, instructs the State Department to strike the word “foreign” from statutes, maps, and condolence letters. Aid programs previously described as helping other countries will be reclassified as domestic block grants to “outer counties.” Recipients who continue to call themselves by former names will be treated as branding disputes. The Office of Management and Budget issued a two-sentence score. Foreign-aid outlays: zero. Reason: “No foreign remains.” A footnote conceded that money might still leave the Treasury, but said it would now be “an internal transfer among Americans who live unusually far from a Home Depot.” Allies asked whether they needed to update passports. The State Department said passports were now courtesy cards. Embassies will be restenciled as district offices. Ambassadors will be called regional managers. The United Nations, officials added, may remain as a homeowners’ association if it pays dues in dollars and stops referring to member states. Legal scholars split over whether a proclamation can annex the globe by vocabulary. The White House counsel’s office argued that aid law requires a foreign principal, and a foreign principal cannot exist on a planet that has been renamed. “If the map says America,” one lawyer wrote, “the check is not foreign. The check is a refund.” Asked about countries that did not request the change, the president said they were “included at no extra charge.” Asked about oceans, he said they were “American water with worse parking.” Asked about the Moon, an aide said that filing would be handled in phase two. By evening, USAID had been folded into the Department of the Interior and given a new motto: There Is No Abroad. A spokesperson said remaining staff would focus on “interstate goodwill” and on reminding distant Americans that they have always been eligible for the same flags. The president, departing the briefing, said the era of sending money overseas was over because overseas had been discontinued. “It was a great name, Earth,” he said. “Overrated. We’re keeping the dirt. We’re changing the letterhead.” The post Trump Ends All Foreign Aid by Declaring Entire Planet America appeared first on Genesius Times.