babylonbee.com
'Welp, Nothing We Can Do Now,' Sighs Secret Service After Assassin Climbs On Modestly-Sloped Roof
DES MOINES, IA — Sources within the Secret Service recently confirmed that the nation's finest agents were unable to foil a devious assassin after the cold-hearted assailant climbed up onto a slightly sloped roof near a political rally. Recently released audio recordings have helped reconstruct the events.