?BREAKING NEWS: Labor Unveils New Democracy™: You Vote, They Decide What You Really Meant CANBERRA – In an inspiring leap forward for progressive authoritarianism, the Albanese government has courageously declared that when Australians voted NO to the Voice, what they actually meant was “Yes, but please legislate it without our consent.” “Democracy is complicated,” explained a spokesperson from the Department of Reinterpretation and Gaslighting. “Sometimes the people get it wrong. That’s why we’re here… to correct their ignorance with compassion and Marxism.” Meanwhile, The Minister for Scissoring, Penny Wong… fresh from her eighth Welcome to Country of the morning… reassured the public that 68% of Australians voting to scrap those ceremonies simply proves how much more essential they are. “They’re not divisive,” she said, “they’re just a small reminder that you should constantly feel guilty for being born.” When asked if this push might be viewed as ignoring the will of the people, Albo confidently responded, “Not at all. The Australian people trust us. Just like they trusted us on housing, energy bills, and COVID internment camps.” Critics who once campaigned for marriage equality have now dared to question whether they unknowingly opened the floodgates to state-funded pronouns, puberty blockers, and drag shows for toddlers. Fortunately, Reddit moderators and public servants are working around the clock to report them to the Human Rights Commission. “Wokeness is love,” explained one Greens senator while removing the Australian flag from Parliament and replacing it with a rainbow-Indigenous-climate hybrid. “And love means overriding your vote, your values, and your voice.” Experts from the Institute for Misapplied Neuroscience say Marxism only failed 43 times last century because of “neurotypical privilege” and “insufficient TikTok validation.” The Albanese government is now considering a follow-up referendum asking Australians to confirm they trust Labor with everything, forever, no take-backs. As of press time, their new slogan was leaked: “Australia said no. Labor said screw you.” And that, my friends, is called progress. @FairAusADV @AlboMP @SenatorWong @AustralianLabor @AdamBandt @Greens @PeterDutton_MP @HonTonyAbbott