US—Progressive activists have taken to the streets to denounce Christopher Columbus—an Italian immigrant who, ironically, kickstarted one of the most diverse cultural mashups in history. The annual holiday, meant to celebrate the man who stumbled upon the Americas in 1492, has been rebranded by critics as a tribute to everything from colonial oppression to bad navigation skills.

This year’s protests, held in cities from Portland to Brooklyn, featured the usual array of megaphones, glitter-bombed placards, and hashtags like #DecolonizeColumbus. Demonstrators decried Columbus as the poster child for imperialism, conveniently sidestepping the fact that he was a scrappy Genoese sailor who left his homeland for a shot at fame and fortune. “He’s the ultimate symbol of toxic exploration,” shouted one protester, sporting a Che Guevara tote bag and a latte from a chain that sources its beans from former colonial territories.

The irony, of course, is that Columbus was himself an immigrant—a dreamer chasing opportunity across an ocean, not unlike the ancestors of many who now call for his statues to be toppled. His arrival in the New World sparked a chaotic blend of cultures, languages, and cuisines that would eventually give us tacos, jazz, and the melting pot that activists both celebrate and critique. Yet, the narrative remains stubbornly binary: Columbus bad, protesters good.

Local governments, ever eager to signal their virtue, have scrambled to rename the holiday. Indigenous Peoples’ Day is the frontrunner, though some cities have proposed alternatives like “Cultural Exchange Day” or “Oops, Wrong Continent Day.” Meanwhile, Italian-American communities, who see Columbus as a nod to their heritage, are left wondering why their guy is the only historical figure not allowed a redemption arc. “He wasn’t perfect, but who was?” asked Tony Russo, owner of a Staten Island pizzeria. “The man sailed across the world with no GPS. Give him a break.”

Historians, caught in the crossfire, point out that Columbus didn’t “discover” anything in the way we think—he just bumped into a place where millions of people were already living. His legacy is a mixed bag: part bold exploration, part prelude to centuries of exploitation. But nuance doesn’t trend on X, where posts like “Columbus = Colonizer” rack up thousands of likes while ignoring the messy reality of human history.

As the protests wound down, one activist summed it up: “We’re here to dismantle systems of oppression.” Fair enough. But as they marched past a fusion food truck serving kimchi empanadas—a dish that exists because of the global exchange Columbus inadvertently triggered—one couldn’t help but wonder if the real problem isn’t history, but our inability to stomach its contradictions.

Happy Columbus Day. Or Indigenous Peoples’ Day. Or whatever we’re calling it this week.

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