Washington, D.C. —In an unusually candid admission, current FBI Director Kash Patel told reporters Friday that the Bureau is considering “making up a bunch of other fake ass texts” to help move forward the investigation into the recent shooting of Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk.

Speaking at a press conference, Patel explained, “I think the fake ass texts our Boomer FBI agents wrote as if they were young kids in the furry and trans community went over really well with the public, so we’re looking to write some more to bring in some accomplices. We may even include this thing called emojis that the kids are using—fire, skulls, maybe a goat. They’ll be really, really authentic.”

Patel defended the potential move as “standard modern law enforcement practice.” He added, “Look, we live in an era where perception is reality. If we can perceive these texts hard enough, the reality part will take care of itself.”

The FBI chief was pressed on whether fabricated evidence could withstand scrutiny in court. Patel shrugged. “Juries don’t read evidence. They read vibes. And we’ve got the vibes covered.”

Reaction to Patel’s remarks has been mixed. Civil liberties groups called the statement “an unvarnished confession of institutional corruption,” while major media outlets praised his “refreshing transparency.” MSNBC’s Joy Reid commented, “Frankly, if he’s making up texts, it’s probably because those people were thinking them anyway.”

At press time, Patel confirmed that his team had already drafted a new “evidence thread” titled ‘We Totally Planned This Shooting, LOL’, complete with timestamps, incriminating typos, and a random Drake lyric for realism.

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