Last November‚ Upworthy published a popular story about Chloe Sexton‚ a mother who went viral on TikTok for a video she made explaining “daddy privilege” or the idea that fathers are applauded for doing things that mothers are supposed to do."In my opinion‚ 'daddy privilege' is that subtle upper hand men sidestep into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply…being a parent‚" she said. "You fed the baby? What a great dad! You held the baby while mommy bathed? So considerate of you! You picked up something for dinner? What would your family do without you?! It's all the little ways mothers do exactly what the world expects of them without a second thought and then watch fathers get praised for simply showing up."Sadly‚ the post resonated with a lot of mothers‚ because it's true. Expectations for fathers are so low that men are commended for handling basic parenting tasks. But if a mother falls short of perfection‚ she faces harsh criticism.Mary Catherine Starr‚ a mother living in Cape Cod who owns a design studio and teaches yoga‚ is getting a lot of love on Instagram for her cartoon series that perfectly explains daddy privilege.In "An Illustrated Guide to the Double Standards of Parenting‚" Starr shares this concept by showing that when a man comes home with fast food for his kids he's the "fun dad." But if a mom comes back with a bag from McDonald's she is seen as a "lazy mom."In the comics‚ the same double standards apply whether it's how they handle technology or parent at the park.(Note: Click the arrow on the right-hand side of the image to see the slideshow.) See on Instagram Starr was quick to point out in the comments that the target of her comics isn’t fathers‚ but society at large. “This is not a dig at dads‚ it's a dig at our society—a society that applauds dads for handling the most basic of parenting duties + expects nothing short of perfection from mothers (or even worse‚ shames them for every decision and/or move they make!)‚” she wrote.The comics resonated with a lot of women."This hit a nerve with so many women! I was a single mom living in an apartment‚” an Instagram user named Saturdayfarm wrote in the comments. “Next door - a single dad. Neighbors felt so bad for him that they helped him with his laundry‚ brought over food‚ and babysat. For nothing. I just shakily carried on somehow. And I had so much less money and opportunities.”"This is exactly part of the why I feel like being ‘just’ a mom isn’t as valuable. Being so run of the mill. But if my husband has the baby in a sling‚ the toddler in the pram and is out walking the dog‚ he’s superman for letting me have one hour for zoom work‚" rebecca_lee-close_yoga wrote.A father who understands his privilege completely supports Starr’s message."It actually annoys me when I get those types of comments / ‘compliments’ knowing it’s totally a double standard‚" JonaJooey wrote.Starr’s comics and Sexton’s TikTok videos won't stop the double standards when it comes to parenting‚ but they do a great job at holding a mirror up to the problem. Where do we go from here? We can start by having greater expectations for fathers and holding them up to a higher standard. Then‚ we should take the energy we put into praising dads for doing the bare minimum and heap it on mothers who thanklessly go about the most important job in the world.This story originally appeared on 02.01.22

It's amazing to consider just how quickly the world has changed over the past 11 months. If you were to have told someone in February 2020 that the entire country would be on some form of lockdown‚ nearly everyone would be wearing a mask‚ and half a million people were going to die due to a virus‚ no one would have believed you.Yet‚ here we are.PPE masks were the last thing on Leah Holland of Georgetown‚ Kentucky's mind on March 4‚ 2020‚ when she got a tattoo inspired by the words of a close friend."We were just talking about things we admire about each other and he said‚ 'You courageously and radically refuse to wear a mask‚' like meaning that I'm undeniably myself. I thought that was a really poetic way of saying that‚" Holland told Fox 13.So‚ she had "courageously &; radically refuse to wear a mask" tattooed on her left forearm. It's a beautiful sentiment about Leah's dedication to being her true self. It's also a reminder for Leah to remain true to herself throughout her life.However‚ the tattoo would come to have a very different meaning just two days later when the first case of COVID-19 was reported in Kentucky."It basically looked like I'm totally‚ you know‚ anti-mask or whatever‚ which is not the case‚" said Holland.Now‚ she was embarrassed to be seen with the tattoo for fear she'd be associated with the anti-maskers who either deny the existence of the virus or refuse to wear a mask to protect others. Either way‚ it's a bad look.So Leah started wearing long-sleeve shirts and cardigan sweaters whenever in public to cover up the tattoo.On Monday‚ TikTok users asked each other to share their "dumbest tattoo" and she was pretty sure she had the winner. @wakaflockafloccar #stitch with @hannanicbic I could NOT have had worse timing. #fyp #foryoupage #tattoo #worsttattoo #winner ♬ original sound - wakaflockafloccare In her video‚ she talks about how her tattoo was about "not pretending to be something you're not‚" but then revealed it to show how — after a historical twist — it made her out to be someone she isn't."I just kind of wanted people to laugh with me because I think it's funny now‚ too‚" said Holland.Plenty of people on TikTok laughed along with her with one user suggesting she update the tattoo with the phrase: "Hindsight is 2020.""I was dying laughing. I'm like‚ I'm glad there are people that find this as funny as I think it is‚" said Holland."It will be a funny story to tell years from now‚" she said. "I don't think it will ever not be a funny story."Unfortunately‚ even when the pandemic is over‚ Leah will still probably have to explain her tattoo. Because most won't soon forget the COVID-19 era in America and there's no doubt many will still feel passionate about those who refused to wear a mask.This article originally appeared on 02.24.21

Michelle Elman‚ a body positivity coach‚ helps people who are struggling to find confidence in their own skin.After persevering through numerous medical conditions and surgeries in her own life‚ Elman realized a few years ago that body positivity wasn't just about size or weight. Things like scars‚ birthmarks‚ and anything else that makes us feel different of self-conscious have to be a part of the conversation‚ and she tries to make the movement accessible to everyone.Sharing her own journey has been one of her most effective teaching tools.In May‚ she shared a post on Instagram of herself trying on a dress she bought five years ago in order to prove a powerful point.In the first photo‚ from 2012 — when she was a size 12‚ she says — she's wearing a size 14 dress. In the new photo‚ she's wearing the same dress‚ though she says she normally wears a size 20.The dress still fit. See on Instagram "NUMBERS DON'T MEAN ANYTHING‚" she wrote in the post. "So are you really going to let a change [in] dress size dictate your day? Are you really going to let an increase in a number affect your mood?""A higher dress size doesn't mean: — you are less beautiful — you are less worthy — you are less lovable — you are a worse human — you are a bad person — you are a different person AND it doesn't even mean you have a bigger body."The viral photo inspired thousands of people. While a huge majority of the comments were positive‚ there was still something bugging Elman about the response.Not everyone was getting the right message."Since the creation of this account‚ I have always been told I'm beautiful 'for my size' and I never wanted to talk about it because I thought I was being pedantic but eventually decided to speak my mind about it‚" she says in an email.She decided to create a follow-up post to set a few things straight about what body positivity really means.In the second post‚ she took a different approach to the "before and after" shots we see so often on Instagram. People loved it. See on Instagram In the caption‚ Elman addresses a couple of things well-meaning people got wrong about the message she was trying to spread. Some commenters said she looked "skinnier" in the 2017 photo which‚ though meant as a compliment‚ just reinforces that being skinny is somehow better.Others said she wasn't fat enough‚ to which Elman could only scoff."If people tell you they are a certain size‚ believe them‚" she wrote."People think that body positivity is about trying to convince people that bigger bodies are attractive‚ either physically or sexually‚" she says.But that's totally missing the point of what her work is all about."If you are still relating your love for your body to society's perception of beauty‚" she says‚ "then you are still reliant on someone else's opinion. Body positivity is about saying that you are more than a body and your self-worth is not reliant on your beauty."Her second post is currently sitting at over 26‚500 likes on Instagram — a clear sign that this is a message many of us desperately needed to hear.This article originally appeared on 06.08.17

When someone you know gets seriously ill‚ it's not always easy to come up with the right words to say or to find the right card to give. Emily McDowell — a former ad agency creative director and the woman behind the Los Angeles-based greeting card and textile company Emily McDowell Studio — knew all too well what it was like to be on the receiving end of uncomfortable sentiments. At the age of 24‚ she was diagnosed with Stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma. She went into remission after nine months of chemo and has remained cancer-free since‚ but she received her fair share of misplaced‚ but well-meaning‚ wishes before that. On her webpage introducing the awesome cards you're about to see‚ she shared‚ "The most difficult part of my illness wasn't losing my hair‚ or being erroneously called 'sir' by Starbucks baristas‚ or sickness from chemo. It was the loneliness and isolation I felt when many of my close friends and family members disappeared because they didn't know what to say or said the absolute wrong thing without realizing it." Her experience inspired Empathy Cards — not quite "get well soon" and not quite "sympathy‚" they were created so "the recipients of these cards [can] feel seen‚ understood‚ and loved." Scroll down to read these sincere‚ from-the-heart‚ and incredibly realistic sentiments.Emily McDowell StudioEmily McDowell StudioEmily McDowell StudioEmily McDowell StudioEmily McDowell StudioEmily McDowell StudioEmily McDowell StudioEmily McDowell StudioPretty great‚ right? If you know someone who's in the less-than-ideal position of dealing with a serious illness‚ you can purchase any of these eight cards to share with them.Visit Emily McDowell Studio's shop to select the card(s) you need. They're $5.00 each.(We're not being paid to share these‚ nor were we asked to do so. We came across the cards and I loved them‚ so I reached out to Emily McDowell Studio and asked if I could share them with you. Unfortunately‚ a lot of us know someone who could use a card like one of these.)This article originally appeared on 05.06.15

We've all seen it while cruising for spots in a busy parking lot: A person parks their whip in a disabled spot‚ then they walk out of their car and look totally fine. It's enough to make you want to vomit out of anger‚ especially because you've been driving around for what feels like a million years trying to find a parking spot.You're obviously not going to confront them about it because that's all sorts of uncomfortable‚ so you think of a better‚ way less ballsy approach: leaving a passive aggressive note on their car's windshield.Satisfied‚ you walk back to your car feeling proud of yourself for telling that liar off and even more satisfied as you walk the additional 100 steps to get to the store from your lame parking spot all the way at the back of the lot. But did you ever stop and wonder if you told off the wrong person?What if that person on the receiving end of the note had a perfectly good explanation for why they're driving car with a disabled sticker and tag? That's exactly what happened to Emma Doherty‚ who was surprised to see someone pen such vitriolic words to her in this letter she found on her car.The language in the note is pretty harsh:"You lazy conning b-tch. You did not have a disabled person with you! These spaces are reserved for people who need them!!!"I get that avoiding conflict is something that's been trained into us‚ but maybe if whoever wrote this note decided to say something to Emma‚ this entire thing could've been cleared up entirely.Instead‚ she had to take to Facebook to pick apart the anonymous grouch and explain her situation to the rest of us. And hopefully whoever wrote the note (if they see her post) understands why they were terribly wrong.Emma is the mother of a terminally ill child‚ Bobby. Her ruthless and powerful message sheds light on the misconceptions associated with disabilities and helps to break the stigma that all impairments are visible‚ because they're not."To the person who put this on my car‚ which I had put my disabled badge fully on‚ I'm not angry at your pure ignorance‚ I'm actually upset with it. How dare you ever accuse anyone of not needing a disabled badge without knowing. I wish you had the balls to say this to my face and I would have told you (even tho I don't need to explain myself to the likes of you) but I'd have happily said why I have a badge.""I promise to get the stigma away from people with disabled badges who don't "look disabled." I hope this gets shared and back to you and you will see my son is terminally ill‚ he's had over 15 operations‚ 3 open hearts‚ 2 stomach‚ lung and diaphragm and countless artery stenting operations and spent half his life on intensive care."In her post‚ she delineates the severity of Bobby's illness‚ which has put the young man through multiple surgeries and procedures that are no walks in the park."He's had 2 strokes and was paralyzed‚ brain damaged and has a spine and hip condition as well as a massive heart condition. The reason I didn't get his wheelchair out was because I was running late because my son‚ who had a MRI scan‚ CTSCAN and a dye for heart function yesterday‚ only got discharged late and was back in this morning so carried him in.""But for your information not everyone who holds a blue badge needs to have a wheelchair! I've told ... security and broke down‚ I've sat through things nobody should see but why did your note break me? Because it's your pure ignorance towards others. I'm a single mom trying my best to hold it together for my son who's in and out if hospital. NOT ALL DISABILITIES ARE VISIBLE and I hope you regret doing this and learn your lesson!”Throughout her post‚ Emma simultaneously castigates the person and drives one important point home: Just because someone isn't in a wheelchair or crutches‚ doesn't mean they aren't disabled or in need of physical care or assistance.I knew something would be said one day as every day I get looks and stares and see people whispering to each other about me and Bobby walking from the car. Everyone needs to stop and think before acting. I hardly ever let anything upset me but this did. How aggressive as well‚ and as for conning my son's disabled pass... [It] is not a con‚ he's actually seriously ill. I've added a picture of him to prove not everyone looks ill or disabled but can be seriously ill.The mother clarifies at the end of the message that she's sure it wouldn't be a hospital staff member who wrote the message‚ because those who work in healthcare are well aware of the various reasons someone would have a disabled tag on their vehicle."I'd like to point out this has nothing to do with the hospital itself. They were lovely with me when I was upset and they treat us with every respect‚ always have [in our] 3 long years with them. They've saved my son's life many times. It [was] just somebody who was parked [there].”Her post quickly went viral‚ with many people echoing her sentiments and thanking her for helping to clear up that tons of people suffer from different disabilities and that not all of them are so readily apparent.And as it turns out‚ Emma isn't the only parent who's dealt with judgmental individuals who gave them flack for having a disabled sticker on their car. As if having to deal with a sick child isn't enough‚ they also have to suffer through getting guff from randos on the street over a measly parking spot.Bobby's condition has left him without pulmonary artery function‚ which means that blood will not pump throughout his body. As you can imagine‚ walking long distances — or performing many physical tasks otherwise healthy individuals take for granted — are out of the question for the 3-year-old.As a result of her son's condition‚ Emma has to take him to the hospital for treatments throughout the week‚ and seeing the note on her car while having to deal with that ultimately set her off. Thankfully‚ she used her anger to send a positive message.Floored by the positive response to her message‚ Emma went back online to thank people for being so receptive and helping to spread awareness that disabilities come in many forms."My inbox is full of people who have told me they have been stared at or even spat at. This is a serious problem and I just want it to change. I am hoping by sharing what I went through people will start to think before acting."This article first appeared on 11.26.19.

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