In the latest irrelevant political news‚ President and Venal Houseplant Joe Biden did not attend this week’s U.N. Climate Crisis Conference because he’s been dead for six months and the whole climate thing is crap anyway. Making the announcement to what was either the White House Press Corps or a collection of animatronic Pirates of the Caribbean purchased at the Disney asset fire sale‚ presidential spokeswoman Karine Jean Identity Hire said‚ “Speaking as a black lesbian woman‚ I want to assure you that this is a president who would be fully engaged in this important issue if he were fully engaged and this were an important issue. As it is‚ the pressing business of pulling the rug out from under our allies in Ukraine and Israel is commanding what would be all of his attention if he were paying attention‚ speaking as a black lesbian woman.” The press corps responded by drunkenly chasing slave girls around the deck of a burning ship and repeatedly saying‚ “Arrrr” — as usual. The late houseplant’s failure to show up at the U.N. Conference was greeted with anger by climate activists and other suckers. Mentally ill Swedish Girl Greta Thunberg took time off from calling for the slaughter of Jews to protest the president’s irrelevant inaction in an impassioned speech delivered to a gathering of her hallucinations. Thunberg said‚ “I’m very disappointed in the president’s remains. He must address this completely invented issue quickly before it develops into a totally imaginary crisis. The world is rapidly growing hotter or colder or whatever it’s supposed to be doing‚ and if this continues or stops or whatever it’s supposed to do next‚ we will soon be forced to find some other reason to be hysterical and hand over all our freedoms to faceless international bureaucrats or any of the other magical creatures who appear when I go off my meds.” The anger over the lamented president’s failure to show up for the U.N.’s urgent gathering of corrupt and sinister grifters is only one of many rifts beginning to appear in the Democrat Party. Polls now show that younger Democrats are becoming disillusioned with the administration because they feel Biden just doesn’t hate Jews enough. The leader of Harvard’s Young Democrat Society‚ Adolf Jihad‚ speaking at a riot hosted by the university’s debate club‚ said‚ “We denounce the president’s support of genocide because he refuses to join Hamas in their stated mission to exterminate the Jewish people — so‚ okay‚ maybe we don’t exactly know what the word genocide means‚ but then‚ we’re Ivy Leaguers so total ignorance has never stopped us from holding insane opinions with absolute self-certainty.” WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show Karine Jean Identity Hire sought to reassure the Nazi Harvard group‚ saying “Speaking as a black lesbian woman‚ I want to assure the Hitlerian half of the Democrat party‚ that the vocal support for Jews the president would be expressing if he were still with us will always be backed 100% by clandestine and insidious actions meant to undermine Israeli security and strengthen an Iranian nation bent on eradicating first the Jews and then the rest of us‚ speaking as a black lesbian woman who is speaking for a black homosexual man who is speaking to Anthony Blinken who is secretly running the government.” Some Democrats fear that the divisions in their party could lower their chances of winning the next election because Biden is now so unpopular that even the mules may cast their packets of forged votes for someone else. But the fact is‚ the Republican Party is divided as well. Some Republicans‚ for instance‚ intend to vote for Donald Trump while others would prefer to shine a magic enlargement ray on Trump and blow him up to the size of Godzilla so he can crush Democrat cities beneath his enormous feet and then devour their inhabitants. Still other Republicans would like to vote for Trump first and then enlarge him so he can unleash his atomic heat ray breath and warm the planet until the rapidly decaying Biden is forced to go to the U.N. climate conference and stink the place up. The Republicans hope these internal conflicts about Trump will be resolved in the next debate between Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis. * * * Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment‚ “The House of Love and Death‚” is now available! Follow him on X: @andrewklavan This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.” The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Sen. John Fetterman (D-PA) called for Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ) to be expelled from the U.S. Senate on Friday as now-former Rep. George Santos (R-NY) was expelled from the U.S. House of Representatives. Fetterman’s remarks‚ which he made during a lengthy interview that he gave on ABC’s “The View‚” came after the House voted to expel Santos after an Ethics Committee report said that he lied and following numerous federal counts he was charged with‚ including alleged aggravated identity theft‚ wire fraud‚ and conspiracy. The freshman senator said that he was “not surprised” that Santos was removed‚ but believed that “the more important picture is that we have a colleague in the Senate that actually does much more sinister and serious kinds of things.” “Senator Menendez‚ he needs to go‚” Fetterman said. “And if you are going to expel Santos‚ how can you allow somebody like Menendez to remain in the Senate? And‚ you know‚ Santos is kind of‚ lies were almost‚ you know‚ funny. And like‚ you know‚ he‚ you know‚ landed on the moon and that kind of stuff.” “Whereas‚ you know‚ I think‚ you know‚ Menendez‚ I think is really a senator for Egypt. You know‚ not New Jersey. So I really think he needs to go‚” Fetterman said. “He has the right for his day in court and all that‚ but he doesn’t have the right to have those kinds of votes and things that — that’s not a right. And I think we need to make that kind of decision to send him out.” CLICK HERE TO GET THE DAILYWIRE+ APP WATCH: Senator John Fetterman (D-PA) was on The View and he too argued that Menendez was far worse than Santos: "I think‚ you know‚ Menendez‚ I think is really a senator for Egypt‚ not New Jersey."Hostin whines that there are calls for Menendez to go before "adjudication." pic.twitter.com/3FSvEEg190 — Nicholas Fondacaro (@NickFondacaro) December 1‚ 2023 Santos’ expulsion vote‚ which required a two-thirds majority‚ passed easily with 311 representatives voting in the affirmative to 114 voting against‚ and two voting present. Democrats‚ who remained mostly united in their vote for Santos’ expulsion‚ were joined by 105 Republicans. The New York congressman’s expulsion comes after all four of the top Republican House leaders said they would vote against expelling Santos. Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA)‚ House Majority Leader Steve Scalise (R-LA)‚ House GOP Whip Tom Emmer (R-MN)‚ and House GOP Conference Chair Elise Stefanik (R-NY) all opposed expelling Santos‚ CNN reported. The Republican leaders believed an expulsion could set a bad precedent since the New York representative has yet to be convicted of any crimes. GOP House leadership also did not work to whip up any votes to keep Santos from being expelled‚ with Johnson saying it was a vote of conscience. Related: House Votes To Expel George Santos

A top Hamas official suggested during an interview with Lebanese media this week that a terrorist attack larger than Hamas’ October 7 massacre was in the works and would happen in the not so distant future. Osama Hamdan‚ who is in the terrorist organization’s Political Bureau‚ said on Wednesday that the terrorist organization had no regrets over murdering 1‚200 Israelis and that a “war of liberation” was coming. In the interview‚ which was transcribed by the Middle East Media Research Institute‚ the interviewer asked Hamdan‚ “If you could go back in time to October 6‚ would you still do what you did on October 7?” “Why would some people assume that we would go back on our acts of resistance?” Hamdan responded. When asked if Hamas had any regrets‚ he responded: “Regret for shattering an entire division of the occupation army?” “You said that if the Israelis would make new arrests‚ after all the prisoners are released from [Israeli] prisons‚ you would carry out another operation‚” the interviewer said. “So can you promise another October 7?” “I can promise that a war of liberation is coming‚ not just another October 7‚” Hamdan responded. When asked if the attack would happen in the “foreseeable future‚” Hamdan said: “I do not think it is far off.” CLICK HERE TO GET THE DAILYWIRE+ APP WATCH: Senior Hamas Official Osama Hamdan: I Promise that a War of Liberation Is Coming Soon – Not Just Another October 7 #Hamas #Palestinians #Israel pic.twitter.com/ILSzPEGDc8 — MEMRI (@MEMRIReports) December 1‚ 2023

'People across the state are livid about this'

He is no benevolent monarch– he's a silly politician with a crown

'On set‚ the tracks were played over speakers as the cameras rolled'

'An extreme act of political protest'

'They think it’s messaging‚ as you know Laura‚ they don’t think they have a problem with their policies'