Recently, a mom named Kelsey Pomeroy shared what she called a "bit of a controversial parenting take." While it might sound prickly at first, it can be a powerful way to teach kids emotional regulation.It all comes down to this simple mantra: "You can walk and be sad at the same time."In a video posted to Instagram, Pomeroy used the example of her son, who had recently said he was "too tired" to go to school. Pomeroy knew he'd gotten enough rest the night before and wasn't sick; it was simply more comfortable to stay in bed. So while she acknowledged and validated her son's feelings, she reiterated that important responsibilities, like school, can still get done, even when emotions aren't optimal.In her caption, Pomeroy argued that a lot of moms and dads who are Team Gentle Parenting get stuck on validating the feeling part. All that rumination can result in "overload" with no real way forward, especially because kids, and even some teens, have "bummer blindness," meaning that every setback feels like a "BIG important crisis." See on Instagram "We have to actively TEACH and CALIBRATE their new brains to differentiate between BIG bummers and LITTLE bummers," Pomeroy wrote. The "you can feel x and still y" idea helps with that by teaching kids the difference between genuinely needing to push through and knowing when to pull back, something many Millennials and those who came before them never quite learned."Many of us never learned where our actual limits were," Pomeroy said in the comments. "Then we became parents and focused hard on emotional intelligence. But in the process, we sometimes robbed our kids of the opportunity to see their potential by unintentionally robbing them of resilience. That is why teaching both emotional intelligence and advocacy, as well as grit, is so important."Pomeroy also astutely noted that tone means everything. Rather than dismissing, chastising, or being sarcastic, she explained that "it is a loving and motivating 'you can do it, you can do this' tone." Therapist applying tape to a boy's leg on a treatment table.Photo credit: Canva"The key is: We are NOT 'moving on.' We ARE 'moving forward.'"Adults do things while tired and frustrated all the time, Pomeroy argues, making it a "crucial skill that we have to build up in our children."In the comments, people seemed to wholeheartedly agree."Learning how properly to carry every emotion while still function in society is a huge advantage.""Wise words. Our job is to model and encourage resilience so our kids can be ready for their adult lives. It's the 'and.' We love them, we see them AND they can do hard things." Smiling child in a striped shirt, flexing arms in a playful muscle pose.Photo credit: Canva"As a parent who's been stuck in the validating and wallowing with no forward momentum, this is the most common sense parenting advice on the internet. Thank you for providing us with something actionable!!""We absolutely must teach them these skills so that they can grow up to function and thrive in the adult world. ?"Parenting is about preparing kids for healthy adulthood. Sometimes that means teaching them that they are, in fact, safe to show up even when the good feelings aren't there.Follow Pomeroy on Instagram for more helpful (and fun) parenting content.

Other people behaving badly can easily disrupt someone's day. People can become angry, sad, or simply unsettled by something someone else says or does, even if they're a stranger. When something like this happens, it usually feels like you have no control over how upset you get from the actions of another person, but what if that wasn't the case?What if an angry driver screaming at you didn't cause you to feel flustered and out of sorts? There just might be a way to control your negative reaction to others' poor behavior by using a simple technique. It doesn't involve buying a course or sitting through some long seminar, either. It's a trick that many therapists teach clients when learning to manage their emotions without making them someone else's problem. Heated argument between friends in a bedroom.Photo credit: CanvaYouTube creator Jamie Social recently uploaded a video explaining that anger is a choice. While some may disagree with such a broad oversimplification of anger being an option we simply choose, there is some truth to it once it's broken down into smaller parts. Most people would probably say that they wouldn't choose to be angry if they were given the option between being content or being angry. So, how is anger a choice? And how can someone tap into feeling like they have the option to choose? "Neurologically, the stress chemicals that create anger naturally flush from your system in exactly 90 seconds, but we keep the anger alive by replaying the story, rehearsing our comeback," Social explains. "It's like having a smoke alarm that goes off when you burn toast, but instead of opening a window, you keep making more toast." Driver expressing frustration in traffic.Photo credit: CanvaBefore explaining how to gain control over those spiraling thoughts that keep you angry long after the inciting incident, Social lists different myths about anger. The first myth is about people who like to push the buttons of other people. Since no one else is in control of your emotions, no one can push your buttons to make you angry, sad, or any other negative emotion, according to the video. "Buttons only work when they're connected to something. Those buttons are actually unhealed wounds or value violations from your past. When someone pushes your buttons, they're showing you exactly where you still need healing," Social says before later adding that stopping to ask what the feeling is really about can give you time to slow down and think about other instances that made you feel that way. It's the revealing of why the button is there, so it can be disconnected from the source of pain. Therapists will often say that anger is a secondary emotion. Social reiterates that point by sharing that anger often acts as a bodyguard for more vulnerable emotions. Hurt, fear, disappointment, and embarrassment are all more vulnerable emotions to express, so anger pops up instead to protect the person from feeling emotions they may not be ready to face yet. But learning to identify the underlying emotions can significantly reduce instances of anger, according to Social. Discovering your own "choice point" is key to helping to eliminate being bothered by other people's behaviors and actions. "In that space lies freedom," Social says. "Most people don't even know this space exists. Victor Frankle discovered this in a Nazi concentration camp. No matter what happens to you, you always have the freedom to choose your response. That trigger hits, your body floods with chemicals. But before you react, there's a microsecond of choice. When you learn to find that choice point, you become the author of your own experiences." Offering comfort in times of need.Photo credit: CanvaAdditional suggestions include becoming the observer of your emotions instead of becoming them. It's noticing what your body is feeling but not engaging with it in a way that would cause a reaction. Social also mentions reframing people you find difficult to interact with by viewing them as personal trainers for your emotions. "Every difficult person in your life shows you exactly where you need to grow," Social explains. "That critical boss, they're training your resilience muscle. That passive aggressive neighbor, they're developing your boundary-setting skills. Just like a physical trainer puts you through uncomfortable exercises to make you stronger, emotional trainers build your emotional strength."Utilizing breaks when you don't have the emotional capacity, creating a trigger journal to know what triggers you, creating healthy boundaries, and avoiding creating stories in your head are additional techniques to help with not reacting negatively. Changing your response to other people's actions will take time and practice, but these simple strategies will put you on the path to having a calmer existence. This article originally appeared last year.

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by Emanuel Pastreich, Global Research: The unilateral order from the Trump administration to pull the United States out of many of the most critical international institutions and treaties on January 7 marked the anticipated crossing of yet another Rubicon. Thirty-one of the international organizations that the United States is suddenly leaving are affiliated with, or […]

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