The best advice isn’t always obvious‚ or else we would have thought of it ourselves. It often comes out of left field and can be counterintuitive. When it comes to marriage‚ the best advice tends to be centered around keeping a focus on the long game.One of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was‚ “Buy her a bottle of shampoo from time to time without her asking.” Now‚ that doesn’t mean to get shampoo specifically‚ but just pick up something here and there to show you care and are thinking about her. Marriage‚ if done right‚ is forever‚ so that often means taking a loss in the short-term to enjoy the long-term benefits of a happy life with someone. This is great as a concept but in practice can be pretty darn hard‚ day in and day out.Hence why about 50% of American marriages end in divorce.Reddit user thecountnotthesaint put out a call to the AskMen forum for some of the best marriage advice that “sounded absurd” but was actually helpful.The question was inspired by some advice the Reddit user had received from their father‚ who claimed that a king-sized bed is the key to a happy marriage. "I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we made aside from getting married and having kids‚" they wrote.A lot of the advice was about being careful not to escalate small disagreements into larger arguments that could turn personal and ugly. A lot of people think that to have a successful marriage means being able to compromise and to let things go quickly.Here are some of the best responses to the question‚ “What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot on helpful?”1."Dad said 'Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe especially if you’re not feeling it.'” — semantician2. "At my wedding‚ my wife's Grandmother offered so funny‚ weird‚ solid advice. She said‚ 'If you get angry with each other‚ go to bed naked and see if you can resolve it before you go to sleep.' So far‚ so good. Anniversary on Monday!" — drizzyjdracco3. "The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever‚ you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things‚ because after years of being together‚ life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going‚ regardless of what you’re doing. Source: married 15 years." — LemonFizzy00004. "My grandfather told me 'Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.' What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking." — t4805. "When our kid was about to be born‚ someone told me to change the first diaper. If you can handle the first one‚ the others will be easy.' So I did. I didn't know what I was doing‚ so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me‚ and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor. The advice was correct‚ no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it‚ and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores‚ since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide." — wordserious6. "Focus on tackling the problem‚ not each other." — bobbobbobbobbob1237. "Don’t have too high of expectations. My dad told us that‚ but we found most of our early fights were when one or the other had unspoken expectations of the other or marriage. It is positively life changing to be married‚ and an amazing experience‚ but still life goes on."— nopants_ranchdance8. "Marry him for who he is. Not his potential." — There-is-No-beyond9. "My stepmom just passed away‚ and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude: 'The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss.' So‚ like‚ yea for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit. If/when she's gone‚ that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too. Don't nag on the little things‚ rather‚ embrace them. (still‚ let her know she has made progress on other things I've pointed out‚ as I try to adapt to her wishes)." — drewkungfu10. "Say thank you for day to day things‚ even taking out the trash‚ sweeping the floor‚ or folding laundry. Audibly hearing thank you reinforces the feeling of being appreciated." — BVolatte11. "Randomly give your partner a cold beverage on a hot day. It's the little things that show you care." — Purple12Inchruler12. "You don't just marry her‚ you marry her whole damn family." — crazypersn13. "One of my colonels told me: 'Just buy two damn pizzas‚ instead of arguing over the toppings.'"— MgoBlue70214. "Be honest. Don't lie to your partner." — Mikeydeeluxe15. "Don’t marry a woman whose dad calls her 'princess‚' because she probably believes it. Much to his regret‚ my brother ignored this advice from our dad." — Toadie962216. "My fiance always says that 'just because' flowers are the best kind of flowers." — agaribay101017. "My Gramps who was married for over 50 yrs said: 'tell her you love her every single day.' Kind of obvious‚ but I definitely took it to heart." — sorellk18. "Love isn’t about having 'nice feelings for each other.' It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else‚ even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to." — sirplaind19. "Bill Maher said "The three most important words in a relationship aren't 'I love you'‚ they're 'let it go.' Oddly‚ this has proven to be some of the best relationship advice I've ever heard." — KrssCom This article originally appeared on 05.30.22

Most people imagine depression equals “really sad‚" and unless you've experienced depression yourself‚ you might not know it goes so much deeper than that. Depression expresses itself in many different ways‚ some more obvious than others. While some people have a hard time getting out of bed‚ others might get to work just fine — it's different for everyone.To find out how depression shows itself in ways other people can't see‚ we asked The Mighty mental health community to share one thing people don't realize they're doing because they have depression.Here's what they had to say:1. “In social situations‚ some people don't realize I withdraw or don't speak much because of depression. Instead‚ they think I'm being rude or purposefully antisocial." — Laura B.2. “I struggle to get out of bed‚ sometimes for hours. Then just the thought of taking a shower is exhausting. If I manage to do that‚ I am ready for a nap. People don't understand‚ but anxiety and depression is exhausting‚ much like an actual physical fight with a professional boxer." — Juli J.3. “Agreeing to social plans but canceling last minute. Using an excuse but really you just chickened out. It makes you think your friends don't actually want to see you‚ they just feel bad. Obligation." — Brynne L.4. “Hiding in my phone. Yes‚ I am addicted to it‚ but not like other people. I don't socialize‚ I play games or browse online stores to distract myself from my negative thoughts. It's my safe bubble." — Eveline L.5. “Going to bed at 9 p.m. and sleeping throughout the night until 10 or 11 a.m." — Karissa D.6. “Isolating myself‚ not living up to my potential at work due to lack of interest in anything‚ making self-deprecating jokes. I've said many times before‚ 'I laugh‚ so that I don't cry.' Unfortunately‚ it's all too true." — Kelly K.7. “When I reach out when I'm depressed it's 'cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone. Not because I want attention." — Tina B.8. “I don't like talking on the phone. I prefer to text. Less pressure there. Also being anti-social. Not because I don't like being around people‚ but because I'm pretty sure everyone can't stand me." — Meghan B.9. “I overcompensate in my work environment… and I work front line at a Fitness Centre‚ so I feel the need to portray an 'extra happy‚ bubbly personality.' As soon as I walk out the doors at the end of the day‚ I feel myself 'fall.' It's exhausting… I am a professional at hiding it." — Lynda H.10. “The excessive drinking. Most people assume I'm trying to be the 'life of the party' or just like drinking in general. I often get praised for it. But my issues are much deeper than that." — Teresa A.11. “Hiding out in my room for hours at a time watching Netflix or Hulu to distract my mind or taking frequent trips to the bathroom or into another room at social gatherings because social situations sometimes get to me." — Kelci F.12. “Saying I'm tired or don't feel good… they don't realize how much depression can affect you physically as well as emotionally." — Lauren G.13. “Answering slowly. It makes my brain run slower‚ and I can't think of the answers to the questions as quickly. Especially when someone is asking what I want to do — I don't really want anything. I isolate myself so I don't have to be forced into a situation where I have to respond because it's exhausting." — Erin W.14. “Sometimes I'll forget to eat all day. I can feel my stomach growling but don't have the willpower to get up and make something to eat." — Kenzi I.15. “I don't talk much in large groups of people‚ especially when I first meet them. I withdraw because of my anxiety and depression. People think I'm 'stuck up.' I'm actually scared out of my mind worrying they don't like me‚ or that they think I'm 'crazy' by just looking at me…" — Hanni W.16. “Not keeping in touch with anyone‚ bad personal hygiene and extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things." — Jenny B.17. “Being angry‚ mean or rude to people I love without realizing it in the moment. I realize my actions and words later and feel awful I had taken out my anger on people who don't deserve it." — Christie C.18. “Purposely working on the holidays so I can avoid spending time with family. It's overwhelming to be around them and to talk about the future and life so I avoid it." — Aislinn G.19. “My house is a huge mess." — Cynthia H.20. “I volunteer for everything‚ from going to PTO meetings to babysitting to cleaning someone else's house for them. I surround myself with situations and obligations that force me to get out of bed and get out of the house because if I'm not needed‚ I won't be wanted." — Carleigh W.This story was originally published on The Mighty and originally appeared here on 07.21.17

Categories are great for some things: biology‚ herbs‚ and spices‚ for example.Image via But bodies? Well‚ putting bodies into categories just gets weird. There are around 300 million people in America‚ but only 12 or so standard sizes for clothing: extra-extra-small through 5x.That's why designer Mallorie Dunn is onto something with her belief — people have different bodies and sizing isn't catching up.Dunn has found that the majority of clothing sizes stop at an extra-large‚ yet the majority of women in America are over that. "And that just doesn't make sense‚" she says. All images via Smart Glamor‚ used with permission.Human spice rack‚ only‚ a LOT more variations of flava. ;) That's why she started a project around her clothing label‚ Smart Glamour‚ to document the bodies of models according to their sizes — and to show how one size can look very different on different bodies.In pursuit of creating a fashion environment that's kinder to all bodies‚ Dunn has dedicated herself to educating consumers about sizing.First‚ she found 60 people of 12 different sizes and took their pictures.Then‚ she put five women at a time in the same size of skirt and shirt to show how diversely beautiful human bodies are and to prove that everyone looks different in clothes no matter what size they have on.She hoped to show people that 12 sizes don't even come close to capturing the beauty of the human form.All these models are wearing the same size ... but do they look the same?"No matter what size you are that's not what dictates your worth or your beauty.""I had a convo with a friend of mine who was like 'Yeah‚ if I went from a medium to a large‚ I'd be fine with it‚ but if I went from a large to an extra-large‚ that wouldn't be OK' and I was like‚ 'Why???' And she had no rational reason behind that‚" Dunn said‚ describing a conversation we've all either had‚ started‚ or heard. "We've been taught forever that the bigger something sounds‚ the worse that it is."Dunn's project also shows just how arbitrary and narrow-minded clothing sizes are.Sizes really are just numbers.Unlike the images we are presented both in clothing ads and in entertainment and media‚ human beings aren't‚ as Dunn remarked‚ "robots who come out on a conveyor belt ... we're all shaped differently."The pressure to look one way is obnoxious. And kinda dangerous."We've been taught forever that the bigger something sounds‚ the worse that it is."There's so much weight — no pun intended — on being the "right" size."You put an 'extra' on top of a 'large‚' and suddenly it's the end of the world‚" Dunn said of her experience in fashion sizing. "... And it really doesn't mean anything‚ it really only means that there's an extra inch of fabric."One extra inch of fabric.3 in 4 girls report feeling depressed‚ guilty‚ or shameful after just three minutes of leafing through a fashion mag.But I'd like to imagine a world where everyone can try on clothes and leave the emotional burden of worrying about fit to the clothes.Instead‚ let's focus on what looks good on our bodies. Let the clothes handle the emotional roller coaster of not fitting‚ and you just live your life in the body you've been given.Dunn‚ who has worked for fashion houses for her whole career‚ puts it bluntly: "Clothes are not made for all bodies. ... We shouldn't then think when something doesn't fit us that it's somehow our fault."Dunn's models also have a group on Facebook where they support each other‚ compliment each other‚ and generally lift each other up. Model Stephanie describes it this way: "We see the beauty in one another and help each other to recognize our own beauty at the same time." Fashion leading to body optimism and confidence? Yes‚ please.And Dunn herself drives a hard line when it comes to feeling good in the skin you've been given. Her philosophy is this: No matter what size you are‚ that's not what dictates your worth or your beauty.Self-worth not based on appearances. That's a category we can all aspire to "fit" into!This article originally appeared on 07.27.16

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