President and Venal Houseplant Joe Biden says he will not call off his campaign for re-election just because his debate performance proved he should call off his campaign for re-election. In a statement made to a mop which he mistook for a twelve-year-old girl with really nice-smelling hair, Biden said “Just because I had one bad debate, doesn’t mean I can’t shenagin boygin sobus faben duben. Sure, I’m not moving as well as I used to, and my voice sounds rough sometimes, and when it comes to going to the bathroom, it can be virtually impossible and then suddenly take me completely by surprise, and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the afternoon and find myself surrounded by people talking to me about Ukraine when I’ve already explained that the Ukraine money is safely hidden in one of my shell companies, but the point is, sure, I’ve lost some of my faculties, maybe all of my faculties, but if you think that’s going to stop me from waging nuclear war at the highest possible level, well, all I can say is: Just watch me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years in government, it’s that you’ve got to take a stand, because walking is really, really hard. So for anyone who thinks I’m senile, let me ask you one question: why does this little girl’s hair smell like cleaning fluid?” President Biden made his statement to the attractive mop despite fears expressed by his top donors often in the form of hysterical high-pitched screams or just by sitting curled up in a corner of the kitchen floor quietly sobbing, “Please, please, give me back my money.” The crisis in the Biden campaign arose after a sub-par debate performance in which the president stared into empty space slack-jawed and drooling before droning incomprehensibly and repeatedly saying, “Look, here’s the deal,” for no discernible reason, then finally declaring war on Romania under the impression it was Hungary and had fired a missile at Bulgaria by which Biden meant Sweden, after which he fell off the podium, rolled out the stage door and ran naked through the street shouting “Olly, olly oxen free!” The White House explained the president was suffering from a cold and said he would do much better in the next debate if they could find a sorcerer to make time run backward. WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show In the aftermath, several journalists who had repeatedly declared that Biden was sharp as a tack changed their tunes. For instance, Carl “This is Worse than Watergate” Bernstein said, “This is worse than Watergate. During Watergate I could take vengeance on Richard Nixon for being completely right about Communism and they made a movie about it in which I was played by Dustin Hoffman, but now I just look like a low dishonest fool who kept cheating on my various wives until I morphed into a fat old woman living off a past moment of false glory by constantly declaring everything is worse than Watergate, which is worse than Watergate.” Conversely, MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough shredded his reputation before the debate by lying to cover up the president’s obvious senility, but after the debate, he gathered up the shreds of his reputation, jammed them into a trash compactor, ground them to dust, then swallowed the dust in handfuls until he choked on it while squeezing out his dying words, “Joe Biden is fine.” The New York Times, a former newspaper, reacted to the debate by calling on Biden to resign in an editorial which said in part, “Joe Biden has had a long and honorable career of serving his country in the role of unprincipled hack with a lucrative side business in influence peddling not to mention a mean streak as wide as Montana, but now it’s time for him to step down before someone realizes this newspaper is printing complete garbage.” Although some Democrat officials are trying to find a replacement for Biden, their search is hampered by Democrat identity politics that has elevated people according to gender and skin color rather than competence and therefore has no one in the wings who isn’t as stupid and corrupt as Kamala Harris because she’s Kamala Harris. * * * Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, “The House of Love and Death,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.” The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

The incident concluded without any citations

What's Behind the Mainstream Media Preference Cascade to Boot Biden?

Who got to Joe Scarborough?  Last Friday, the very next day after Biden's debate debacle, Scarborough strongly suggested that Biden needed to quit, pronto. Scarborough analogized that just like Goldwater went to Nixon during Watergate and told him it was "over, " Democrats now need to say the same thing to Biden. Scarborough has now drastically changed his tune. On today's Morning Joe, he stressed that Democrats shouldn't rush into a decision: "it's only July 5th!", he repeatedly exclaimed.  Scarborough even bragged that over the last week, he's been talking many people "off of the ledge." In other words, that while others were panicking and calling on Biden to quit, Scarborough the wise man served as the voice of calm reason, calling on people to "take a deep breath" and not act hastily. Scarborough literally described himself as administering "therapy" to his panicky friends on the left. Scarborough engaged in some revisionist history in positioning himself as the sage who never suggested Biden immediately quit. Scarborough now claims that last week, he said that "we needed to give it time. Needed to see what's going to happen. " How can we put this politely? That's BS. Last week, Scarborough said he had "great respect" for former Obama campaign manager David Plouffe, who was calling on people to wait three or four days before deciding whether Biden should go. While adding that Plouffe's position made a lot of sense, the next word out of Scarborough's mouth was, "but."  He went on to express his fear that Trump would win "unless things change." Translation: I like Plouffe, but we can't afford to wait. Biden must beat it now! So back to our opening question: who got to Joe Scarborough? And what leverage did they use on him?  A likely possibility: Scarborough has been bragging about his close access to Biden, even supposedly spending hours at a time with him. Message from the campaign: Joe, if you ever want to get within shouting distance of Biden again, change your tune—now!—on him quitting. We'll be watching today.  And Scarborough delivered. Note:  Scarborough said that "Republicans and their far-right allies in the media are accusing the press of a coverup." It's not an accusation. It's a fact that the media, you chief among them, Scarborough, have been covering up Biden's undeniable decline.  You're the guy who recently bellowed that "F-you if you can't handle the truth. This version of Biden intellectually, analytically, is the best Biden ever." And it's not just the "far-right" who are saying that the liberal media has been engaged in a coverup. Check out this devastating column by Olivia Nuzzi in the decidedly liberal New York magazine: "The Conspiracy of Silence to Protect Joe Biden."  And then there's Scarborough's formerly frequent Morning Joe guest, Mark Halperin, who now opines for Newsmax. He recently wrote: "The conspiracy of silence between Team Biden and the Dominant Media about the acuity decline will be a remarkable story in the history books if Donald Trump wins (and, really, even if Biden wins, but in a very different way)." Here's the transcript. MSNBC Morning Joe 7/5/24 6:16 am EDT JOE SCARBOROUGH: Yeah, I'll tell ya what. So many Democrats on the phone, nonstop, since that debate. And there's panic. No doubt, there's panic all around. I said eight days ago that the president needed to consider getting out. Said that we needed to give it time. Needed to see what's going to happen. And I think we're still there. I mean, it is July the 5th. This happened eight days ago. And decision time is not upon us yet. . . .  Get this. You probably missed this with all the whining that was going on out there over the past week. As bad as Joe Biden was that night, and he was historically bad, Donald Trump was even worse with his lies.  And if you saw any of the polls that came out that had Joe Biden losing a few points, you may have noticed, as the New York Times wrote, that independent voters took notice and that Donald Trump actually lost independent voters in that debate. I find that staggering. Now, Republicans and their far-right allies in the media are in meltdown mode, saying I told you so. They're accusing the press of a coverup. I'd just say, before they get too self-righteous, let's remember, Republicans long idolized an aging Republican president whose decline was so bad, they let an incoming chief of staff, Howard Baker, to commission a study of the 25th Amendment in case they needed to use it on Ronald Reagan. So please, please, Republicans, please, right-wing media outlets, spare us your moral indignation  . . .  So what Democrats need to find out this week, and what Democrats need to worry about this week, are not what the newspapers that were lying about Joe Biden for years before this past week say. They need to look to Joe Biden. And he needs to answer the question, is he capable of moving forward?  . . . Let's be smart.  Let's take a deep breath, and let's understand, it's only July the 5th. Such an historic decision should not be made in haste . . . Democrats, you better get this right. You'd better think through it. You better take your time. You better take a deep breath, and you better get this right . . . Take the time necessary, though, to get this right! Because American democracy is riding on it, and the whole world is watching. . . .  I swear to God, it has been like -- it's been like therapy. I've been on the phone, unfortunately, taking a lot of calls over the past week. I know you have, too. It, it's like therapy sessions, talking these people down off of the ledge. I mean, they need the answer. They need it right now. They bounce back and forth. They don't realize that it's July the 5th. And they don't remember, maybe 1988, when Michael Dukakis was up 17 points over George H.W. Bush in August.

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Samsung was the first smartphone vendor to make a big deal about generative AI features on mobile devices this year. It partnered with Google and others to launch the Galaxy AI suite on the Galaxy S24, turning AI features into a big selling point for the new flagships. A few months later, Samsung started bringing Galaxy AI features to older devices. I expect the upcoming Galaxy Z Fold 6 and Flip 6 to offer the same Galaxy AI features as the Galaxy S24, if not more. While Galaxy AI is available for free to buyers, we learned from a footnote in January that it will only be free through 2025. Samsung reinforced the same commitment in a different footnote, giving us a clear estimate. Galaxy AI will be free until the end of 2025. What happens after that? Will we get a Galaxy AI Plus subscription? Continue reading... The post Galaxy AI will be free through 2025, but will a subscription follow? appeared first on BGR. Today's Top Deals Today’s deals: Early Prime Day sales, $50 Ring Doorbell, $80 Keurig coffee maker, $470 Dyson V11, more Today’s deals: Rare Meta Quest 3 discount, $8 mosquito bite relief, $300 off Narwal Freo X Ultra, more Today’s deals: $199 AirPods Pro 2, $89 robot vacuum, 15% off pet odor spray, $19 Roku Express, more Best Apple deals for July 2024

President Joe Biden, in an attempt to assuage the fears and anxieties at all levels of the Democratic Party, said Friday that it was a "bad episode" - not a condition - that led to his debate performance last week, widely panned as disastrous be members of his own party.