The Justice Department has charged 14 North Korean citizens with multiple counts of conspiracy to commit identity theft, wire fraud, and other financial crimes in a scheme that netted millions for the alleged perpetrators, NBC News reports.

WASHINGTON, DC—Billionaire Elon Musk has officially reached a level of wealth where he could, theoretically, fund the operations of the U.S. federal government for several hours. Wealthy people have only been able to fund the federal government for minutes in the past. “It just goes to show you how massive government spending is,” Musk, who has been tapped by President-elect Donald Trump to head the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) with Vivek Ramaswamy said. An Impressive—But Completely Hypothetical—Achievement The news of Musk’s theoretical bailout potential sent ripples through Washington. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen acknowledged the milestone during a press conference: “Yes, Elon Musk is now wealthier than three days of federal operations, which is both impressive and horrifying. But we’ll just have to keep relying on the tried-and-true method of debt ceiling brinkmanship.” When pressed on whether she had personally asked Musk to chip in, Yellen demurred. “He’s already contributing indirectly—by distracting everyone on Twitter so they don’t notice what Congress is doing.” Congress Reacts to Musk’s Inaction Some lawmakers saw Musk’s theoretical wealth as an opportunity to reframe their priorities. Senator Elizabeth Warren called for a “Musk Tax,” proposing a levy that would require billionaires to fund the government any time they trend on social media. “If Elon Musk has the money to cover three days of government spending, he has the money to cover three years of government spending,” Warren said, to thunderous applause from a crowd of four interns. Meanwhile, Representative Kevin McCarthy suggested outsourcing budget shortfalls to billionaires altogether. “Why even collect taxes when we can just crowdfund from guys like Elon?” he mused, before hastily adding, “Not that we’re endorsing socialism.” The Internet Weighs In On social media, Musk’s hypothetical bailout sparked a lively debate. “He’s rich enough to save us all, but instead he’s tweeting memes about AI robots fighting sharks,” complained one user. Others were less critical. “Honestly, if he doesn’t fund the government, maybe it’ll finally stay closed,” quipped another. Musk, of course, couldn’t resist chiming in. “To everyone asking why I don’t fund the government: Let’s see them build a working Hyperloop or land a rocket on a drone ship first. Then we’ll talk.” A Missed Opportunity for Branding Experts say Musk might have missed a prime opportunity for brand synergy by not stepping in. “Imagine the press if he renamed the Treasury the ‘X Bank’ or made the IRS issue refunds in Dogecoin,” said marketing strategist Lina Lott. “The man could have turned bureaucracy into a lifestyle brand.” The Government Marches On—For Now In the meantime, the federal government continues its daily struggle to function without Elon’s billions. NASA announced it will reuse its 1970s coffee machines for another decade, while the Pentagon scrapped plans to develop a $900 billion stapler. As for Musk, he remains unfazed by the backlash. “Look, I didn’t become the richest guy in the world by throwing money at bad investments. And if you think the government isn’t a bad investment, I’ve got a Hyperloop to sell you.” For now, Americans can only dream of a world where billionaires swoop in to solve fiscal crises. Until then, they’ll just have to settle for Musk’s occasional memes—and a government that’s hanging on by a thread. The post BREAKING: Elon Musk becomes the first person on earth with enough wealth to fund the federal government for more than 5 minutes appeared first on Genesius Times.

U.S. — Just days after news leaked that President Joe Biden was quietly selling unused border wall construction materials via online auction, presumably as a gesture of defiance against incoming President Donald Trump, a mysterious user named "OrangeMan47" swooped in to purchase every listing.

SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom has adopted a plan set forth by the California Air Resources Board to phase out all gas-powered and EV automobiles and replace them with Little Tikes Cozy Coupes no later than 2035.

TRENTON, NJ — Multiple witnesses reported today that three wise men who identified themselves as Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar had ended up wildly off-course after mistakenly following an unidentified drone in the night sky that led them to New Jersey.

BOCA CHICA, TX — Friends called police and requested to have officers conduct a wellness check on Elon Musk today after the billionaire failed to post on X for over 17 minutes.

The Marble Caves sit on the shores of a turquoise glacial lake in southern Chile. Light bounces off the water onto the walls, creating a magical, ever-changing display inside the caverns.

Researchers have detected a giant tail of gas leaking from an exoplanet near Earth. The giant structure, which is up to 350,000 miles long, is being blown away from the alien world by stellar gusts, allowing researchers to use it like a windsock.

The inner lining of the small intestine nearly doubles in size during pregnancy and breastfeeding, according to new research in mice and human tissue.

Powerful solar storms in May and October painted auroras across large parts of North America. But some U.S. farmers also witnessed unusual activity from their high-tech machinery, which started boogying back and forth as a result of the geomagnetic disturbances.