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People are sharing quotes from their favorite comedians. These 23 are pure gold.
Laughter really is the best medicine, and there are a lot of ways to get your daily dose. You can rewatch an old funny movie that's been proven to get the job done, listen to a hilarious podcast, or goof around with friends. Maybe the most efficient way to really get yourself rolling, though, is to take in some stand-up comedy.And while it feels like the true heyday of stand-up is over — the days of George Carlin and Richard Pryror — the truth is that stand-up is more popular than ever. That's thanks, in part, to Netflix, which drives millions of viewers to featured comedy acts, who then go on to sell out huge theaters for their shows.Comedy is powerful, necessary, and relevant. In fact, Oscar Wilde once said, "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."A Reddit user recently posed a great question on the AskReddit subforum: “What is a quote from a comedian you'll never forget?” The post quickly went viral, receiving over 10,700 responses on the first day. Of the countless comedians mentioned in the thread, Norm Macdonald appears to be the most quotable.Sadly, Macdonald died of cancer in 2021, but he was famous for his outlandish musings, delivered in a dry, deliberate tone. Macdonald is best known as a stand-up comedian, but he was also memorable on television as a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1993 to 1997 and on his sitcom, “The Norm Show.” Two other deceased funnymen were often quoted in the discussion, Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin.Hedberg’s comedy was based on short, memorable one-liners filled with absurdity. He passed away in 2005 from a drug overdose. George Carlin is often listed among the greatest stand-up comedians of all time and was a voice of the counterculture in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Later in life, his comedy evolved into a nihilistic criticism of American life that, for many, is still relevant today.“It's called 'the American Dream' 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it,” Carlin said. George Carlin is considered by many to be the GOAT Giphy Here are 23 of the funniest and most poignant quotes from a comedian shared by users on the AskReddit forum.1."Every time you clog a toilet, you exceeded someone’s expectations." — Unknown2."Everybody thinks they're a comedian. Especially in my line of work." — Norm MacdonaldThis came from Macdonald's memoir, "Based on a True Story," a must-read for Norm fans. My favorite thing about this line is that it was a sort of random throwaway, almost an afterthought, as he was expressing disdain for a doctor who told a joke and got a big laugh from everyone else in the room.And that doctor's joke? It was Macdonald's own moth story. RIP Norm Macdonald Giphy 3.“I’m not an adventurous person. I’ve only ever used one side of a cheese grater.” — James Acaster4.“I’ve started cooking with wine. That sounds so fancy, cooking with wine. What I do is I get drunk and I make rice. I tell my friends ‘come over, I’m cooking with wine.’ They come over, I’m drunk, and there’s rice everywhere.” — Kevin Nealon5."What is it like to have four kids? Imagine you are drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." — Jim Gaffigan Jim Gaffigan, the funniest lazy dad you know. Giphy 6."I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread." — Mitch Hedberg7.“Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money." — Robin Williams8."I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." — Bob Newhart9.“People say someone lost their battle with cancer. But if someone dies from cancer, the cancer dies too. I’d call that a draw.” — Norm MacDonald10."You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States." — Spike Milligan11."When you are on fire, and running down the street, people will get out of your way." — Richard Pryor Richard Pryor: a legend. Giphy 12."I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic...in morse code." — Emo Phillips13."Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx14."I didn't want to be Drunk in Public. I wanted to be drunk in a bar. They THREW me into public." — Ron White15."I know I'm getting older, my last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!" — Rodney Dangerfield Rodney Dangerfield don't get no respect. Giphy 16."Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." — George Carlin17."When you got a career there ain't enough time in the world...when you got a job there's too much time." — Chris Rock18."She had enough plastic surgery so that when she crossed her legs, her mouth snapped open." — Joan Rivers19."Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in." — Doug Stanhope20."I'm impulsive, but I'm also quite indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now." - Dylan Moran21.“So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that’s funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn’t funny.” - Mitch Hedberg22."When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful & difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid." - Ricky Gervais Ricky Gervais dances in 'The Office' Giphy 23."The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while.Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, 'Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, 'Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.'And we … kill those people.'Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.'It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride.And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace." — Bill HicksThis article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
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