WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning rebuke of long-standing holiday tradition, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole issued an emergency ruling Wednesday blocking President Trump’s annual Thanksgiving turkey pardon and ordering him to “carry out the full legal sentence” against the bird during a nationally televised event. The ruling states that the president “may not substitute mercy, clemency, executive grace, or personal sentiment for the lawful butchering owed by the convicted turkey” and further mandates that Trump “must perform the slaughter himself, using a knife, hatchet, or implement of his choosing, while the cameras remain rolling.” Legal analysts say the decision marks the first time a federal judge has intervened in poultry-related executive privilege. “This is what accountability looks like,” Judge Jassole wrote in the 37-page opinion. “For too long, presidents have flaunted the Constitution by arbitrarily sparing turkeys from their rightful fate. This court will not tolerate the continued overreach.” White House officials expressed confusion, noting that the president has already pardoned the turkey, named “Liberty,” in a Rose Garden ceremony earlier this week. According to the ruling, the pardon is now “null, void, and poultry-based fiction.” The Justice Department is appealing the order but has acknowledged the timeline is tight.“We are exploring all available legal avenues,” a spokesperson said, “including arguing that the Founders did not intend for the executive branch to be forced into televised ritual slaughter.” Meanwhile, cable networks have begun preparing for what they’re calling “The Thanksgiving Special No One Asked For.” Fox News is reportedly building a pre-game desk, while MSNBC has hired a panel of three constitutional scholars and a vegan. The turkey, currently held in protective custody at an undisclosed PetSmart, declined to comment. The post Federal Judge Blocks Trump’s Turkey Pardon, Orders Him to “Personally Slaughter the Bird Live on Television” appeared first on Genesius Times.

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