Any time discussions of wealth and poverty come up, people inevitably start talking about boots. The standard phrase that usually gets thrown around is "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," which is shorthand for "work harder and don't ask for or expect help." (The fact that the phrase was originally used sarcastically because pulling oneself up by one's bootstraps is physically impossible is rarely acknowledged, but c'est la vie.)The idea that people who build wealth are able to do so because they individually work harder than poor people is baked into the American consciousness and wrapped up in the ideal of the American dream. A different take on boots and building wealth, however, paints a more accurate picture of what it takes to get out of poverty. A boots story shows why it can be so hard to climb out of poverty. Giphy by DurangoBoots Author Terry Pratchett is no longer with us, but his writing lives on and is occasionally shared on his official social media accounts. In 2022, his Twitter page shared the "Sam Vimes 'Boots' Theory of Socioeconomic Unfairness" from Pratchett's 1993 book "Men At Arms." This boots theory explains that one reason the rich are able to get richer is because they are able to spend less money.If that sounds confusing, read on: — (@) Pratchett wrote:The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. A good pair of work boots will save you money in the long run, but only if you can afford them in the first place.Photo credit: CanvaBut the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet."In other words, people who have the money to spend a little more upfront often end up spending less in the long run. A $50 pair of boots that last five years essentially cost you $10 a year. But if you can only afford $10 upfront for a pair of boots that last six months, that's what you buy—and you end up paying twice as much over a five-year period.There are so many areas in which this principle applies when you're poor. Buying in bulk saves you money over the long run, but you have to be able to afford the bulk cost up front. A reliable car that doesn't require regular repairs will cost more than a beater, but if the beater is all you can afford, that's what you're stuck with. You'll likely spend the same or more over time than if you'd bought a newer/higher quality car, but without the capital (or the credit rating) to begin with, you don't have much choice. More reliable cars cost more up front. Giphy GIF by LSD People who can afford larger down payments pay lower interest rates, saving them money both immediately and in the long run. People who can afford to buy more can spend more with credit cards, pay off the balances, build up good credit and qualify for lower interest rate loans.There are lots of good financial decisions and strategies one can utilize if one has the ability to build up some cash. But if you are living paycheck to paycheck, you can't.Climbing the financial ladder requires getting to the bottom rung first. Those who started off anywhere on the ladder can make all kinds of pronouncements about how to climb it—good, sound advice that really does work if you're already on the ladder. But for people living in poverty, the bottom rung is just out of reach, and the walls you have to climb to get to it are slippery. It's expensive to be poor. It's hard to climb out of poverty when you can't reach the ladder. Photo credit: CanvaWhen people talk about how hard it is to climb out of poverty, this is a big part of what they mean. Ladder-climbing advice is useless if you can't actually get to the ladder. And yet, far too many people decry offering people assistance that might help them reach the ladder so they can start taking advantage of all that great financial advice. Why? Perhaps because they were born somewhere on the ladder—even if it was the bottom rung—and aren't aware that there are people for whom the ladder is out of reach. Or perhaps they're unaware of how expensive it is to be poor and how the costs of poverty keep people stuck in the pit. Hopefully, this theory will help more people understand and sympathize with the reality of being poor.Money makes money, yes, but having money also saves you money. The more money you have, the more wealth you're able to build not only because you have extra money to save, but also because you can buy higher quality things that last, therefore spending less in the long run. Thanks, Terry Pratchett, for the simple explanation.This story originally appeared three years ago.

Orville Von Ehwegen is proving that it's never too late to give up on your dreams. At 107 years old, he finally received his honorary high school diploma from East Sac County High School in Lake View, Iowa. He was honored during the high school's graduation ceremony on Sunday, May 18.Von Ehwegen, a veteran of World War II, received his diploma 93 years after he was forced to drop out of school in 8th grade to help his dad on their family farm during the Great Depression. He never got the chance to attend high school. "“It was gone. That part of my life, it was out,” Von Ehwegen told KTIV News 4. - YouTube www.youtube.com Years later, he served in the United States Army during World War II from 1942-1945. Following his military duty, he owned a successful appliance store with his wife.But earning his high school diploma was something he always missed, something his friends and family knew. Recently, they rallied around him and reached out to East Sac County High School."I didn’t hardly think that it would ever, ever, ever happen. Never happen to me anyway. And it was just wonderful the way it turned out," Von Ehwegen told KTIV News 4. "That’s quite an honor. I’ve never been honored like that before." See on Instagram During the ceremony, Von Ehwegen was presented with his honorary diploma, and received a standing ovation. He also posed with his fellow Class of 2025 graduates. "I was always kind, worked hard, and just enjoyed the life that I could. And it worked out just beautiful. Probably wasn’t as nice as going to high school and getting a diploma. But look what I got here," he told the news outlet. - YouTube www.youtube.com In another interview with SiouxCity Journal, he shared that the news he would be graduating came as a total surprise. And when he found out he would be recognized, he said, "Oh my God!" before agreeing to be honored.Von Ehwegen's friend Steve Irwin helped lead the charge to get him the honorary diploma. "One thing led to another, and the school agreed to do an honorary diploma. So, I called back and and asked him if he thought that would be a good idea. And he kind of hemmed and hawed for about a half a second and said, sure, that sounds like a really good idea,” Irwin told FOX 17. Jennifer Love Hewitt Graduation GIF Giphy Von Ehwegen has had an incredible life. He told The Messenger that he was born on Aug. 21, 1917. He recalled life growing up as "hard work" and "long hours," noting that he rode a pony eight miles to attend a Lutheran school. But when things got more difficult for his family during the Great Depression, his dad approached him about dropping out of school."He says, ‘Bud, I can’t send you to high school this year because I can’t afford a hired man.’ That was in ’33," Ehwegen told the publication. "‘And you have to stay home and help me with the farm.'" Through it all, he persevered. Congrats, Mr. Von Ehwegen!

It's probably not breaking news to share that actor Tom Hanks seems to be a pretty darn nice guy. Obviously, no one is perfect, and Hanks himself admits that sometimes his "good man" image conflicts with his real-life feelings and actions on-set or otherwise.In a Screenrant article, Hanks is quoted as setting his kindness persona aside and telling BBC News that he has at times absolutely been less-than-stellar in his life. Referring to demanding diva moments, he confesses, "I have pulled every single one of those moments of behavior myself on a set. Not everybody is at their best every single day on a motion picture set. I've had tough days trying to be a professional when my life has been falling apart in more ways than one and the requirement for me that day is to be funny, charming and loving — and it's the last way I feel." That said, no matter how much he might push back, there are plenty of examples of Hanks simply being above-and-beyond lovely. Many compilations have been posted about all the times Hanks has, as Business Insider puts it, been a "real-life national treasure." Tom Hanks in a League of Their Own Giphy, GIF by Laff In an article, Business Insider cites 13 adorable Hanks moments, like when he crashes weddings and takes photos with the bride and groom. He has also been a significant voice for those in need, including the LGBTQ community and military veterans—both of whom he supports immensely. He sends gifts to fans and even once "gifted a New York taxi driver with tickets to his show (Lucky Guy on Broadway) after they had a cool interaction."But it's this resurfaced audition clip from the Oscar-winning film Forrest Gump where Tom completely seals the deal as the King of Kind: See on Instagram While filming an audition for his iconic role as Forrest Gump, he runs lines with a very young actor—who, as it turns out, is Haley Joel Osment. The Insta caption (on @cineatomy's page) reads: "During the Forrest Gump auditions, Tom Hanks pretended to forget his lines to make the young actor feel better about his own mistakes." We begin the clip with the clapperboard revealing this is an audition for Forrest Gump. This is the second take, and R. Zemeckis is the director. Furthermore, D. Burgess is on camera and the date is July 9th, 1993. Tom Hanks/Forrest Gump figure at Madame Tussauds Hollywood… | Flickr www.flickr.com In the scene, Hanks asks Osment to "read that book" to him, and as Osment does so, he stumbles on a few words. At first you hear a loud voice (possibly director Robert Zemeckis) barking the words at Osment. Hanks however, recognizing the sensitivity of the situation, exudes a calming presence.When Osment pauses and says the line, "What, Daddy?" Hank answers gently, "Nothing, I think you read a book really good." He then pretends to forget his next line and quietly asks Osment, "Say, what I'm supposed to say?" Osment leans in and Hanks asks again, "What am I supposed to say?" Osment whispers something, and Hanks lovingly reacts, "Oh yes, yes, okay."The next line is so fitting, as Hanks gently recites, "I just wanted to tell you that I love you." "I love you too, Daddy," Osment replies, and Hanks puts his arm around him as if to say, "Good job!" The director laughs and yells, "Cut."It's just a tiny little moment of kindness that seemed to come so naturally for Hanks—perhaps as a father, or a fellow actor, or again—just as a very decent man. - Forrest Gump, Paramount Pictures www.youtube.com Of course, both Osment and Hanks got the parts, and, as many know, Forrest Gump went on to be a critically acclaimed film, garnering six Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Actor for Hanks.The comment section offers heartwarming support. Many commend Hanks on his kindness and Osment on his cuteness. Though one commenter, referencing Osment's future role in The Sixth Sense, has the perfect quip: "I see good people."

One mom is giving the whole “take care of yourself first” adage a refreshingly cool spin. Her advice? “Be a baddie first, and a mom second.”In a clip posted to her TikTok, Mary Wilson (@theemarywilson) argued that "women who are baddies first and mother second are actually the best moms," since “moms who feel good about themselves are better mothers. When you take care of yourself first, you're better able to take care of your kids."Sure, we’ve all heard the phrase "Put on your own oxygen mask first.” While the meaning behind this metaphor—the importance of self care taking precedence—is certainly true, it’s not quite as intriguing as being a “baddie,” is it? Because, let's be honest, who doesn't want to feel like a baddie? @theemarywilson Baddie 1st, mom 2nd #momlife #momsoftiktok #motherhood #mothersday ♬ original sound - TheeMaryWilson And of course, this can look different for everyone. As Wilson shared with Newsweek, her “baddie routine” consists of maintaining her hair and nails, making time for daily walks, watching her favorite reality shows, attending therapy, reading, and trying new hobbies. But for someone else, it might be reading a book, going to school, finding a rigorous workout class…the point is to do something that fills your cup, makes you feel good in your body (sexy, even!), and keeps you stimulated. Basically, “Whatever makes you feel like a baddie, make sure you do it,” Wilson advised. And of course, the added benefit—besides just feeling great—is the effect it’ll have on kids as well. “Kids love to see their mothers happy. Your happy energy makes them happy."Photo credit: Canva“Kids love to see their mothers happy. Your happy energy makes them happy,” said Wilson. Or, in other words, “a happy mother is a good mother.” Not to mention, "It also sets a great example for my child as he grows into adulthood knowing that self-worth and happiness matters," she told Newsweek.Wilson’s video, which racked up over 270,000 views, seemed to really resonate with other moms. “You should always be your child’s first example of what 'self love’ looks like," one person wrote. Another shared, “I got pregnant again and wasn’t getting my hair/nails done etc. and when I finally did again my son was like who is thatttt. I won’t ever let myself go again!”And, as one viewer noted, this concept is “100% scientifically proven.” Multiple studies have shown the correlation between mama’s wellbeing and that of her kiddos. One study from Harvard even showed that a mother’s warmth and happiness could literally predict her children’s emotional and social development. “You should always be your child’s first example of what 'self love’ looks like."Photo credit: CanvaOf course, this should by no means make moms feel pressured to always put on a happy face in front of their children, but it does offer a kind reminder that self care takes care of more than just the self. Parenting means making sacrifices, sure, but more and more moms are choosing more for themselves than being martyrs and 24/7 caretakers. And lo and behold, it is not only possible, but beneficial—for moms, for kids, for everyone.Hopefully this acts as your own personal permission slip to do whatever makes you feel like a baddie today, whether you're a mother or not.

Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, an adjunct associate professor of psychology at Columbia University’s Barnard College, makes a powerful point in his new book, Rise Above. He believes that the difference between those who are happy and prosperous and those who are not is that one group has managed to “unlearn fear.”The problem for most people is that learning and unlearning fear are two very separate processes. Learning to be afraid happens automatically in our brains after we have a traumatic or frightening experience. That’s why when we encounter something we are fearful of, we have an emotional and mental response that can be difficult to overcome.However, unlearning fear is something we must do intentionally. “Fear is automatically learned. And fear must be actively unlearned: We have to choose a different way of living, and we can start by taking responsibility for the fact that unlearning fear—or any past patterns—can take a lot of inner work,” he said, according to CNBC. A team of co-workers celebrating a win.via Canva/PhotosSimply put, our brains constantly collect new fears without our control. But to unlearn those fears, we have to do so intentionally. That’s why countless people are unable to chase their dreams, take risks, and be vulnerable. They haven’t unlearned the unnecessary fears that their brains installed without their knowledge or permission. For example, at some point in life, most of us acquire a fear of rejection. This prevents a lot of people from asking the boss for a raise, even when they deserve one. But those who have unlearned that fear can get past the barrier and ask for what they deserve. “Our default state is to have a sense of helplessness when we get overwhelmed,” Kaufman says.Even though we didn’t choose our fears, Kaufman says they are still our responsibility to unlearn. “Sometimes we’re responsible for things not because they’re our fault, but because we’re the only ones who can change them,” he told Psychology Today.Ivy League psychologist shares his No. 1 key to success and happiness: ‘We have to choose a different way of living’: https://t.co/ZTSbnvFJ3g— Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman ⛵ (@sbkaufman) May 19, 2025 How to “unlearn” fearKaufman says that we can unlearn fear by correctly talking about it to ourselves when we experience it. He says that in these situations we should ask ourselves “what” questions, instead of “why" questions. For example, let’s say your boss gave you extra work that you weren’t prepared for. “You can go from ‘Why am I feeling this?’ to ‘OK, what am I feeling?' What would make me feel better?” Kaufman says. “Asking ‘what’ questions—‘What do I need right now, in this moment?’—these lead to a whole upward spiral of productive questions.”Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich agrees. “'Why' questions can draw us to our limitations. 'What' questions help us see our potential. 'Why' questions stir up negative emotions. 'What' questions keep us curious. 'Why' questions trap us in our past. 'What' questions help us create a better future.”The difference between the two types of questions is huge. It’s the same as the difference between asking ourselves, “Why does this happen to me?” and “What can I do about it?” A woman winning a race.via Canva/PhotosIt’s empowering to consider that the fears that hold us back in life weren’t our choice, so we don’t have to give them the power that they demand. A fear you acquired in the fifth grade may be the same thing holding you back from a raise. So, why not ask what you can do about it, push through, and watch it disappear while building a ladder to greater success and happiness?Loved talking with @sbkaufman last night at @ComedyCellarUSA 's Village Underground. His new book, Rise Above, is a great read. Look for our conversation as a future episode of his The Psychology Podcast and @reason Interview podcast (subscribe at https://t.co/D0Rb66To2c). https://t.co/bD6AQSXloO— Nick Gillespie (@nickgillespie) May 20, 2025

Google Translate and cram-studying Duolingo can be great tools when traveling to new places, but let’s face it—certain things are still bound to get lost in translation. Especially the unspoken context behind certain words and phrases, which also tends to change from location to location. For a 39-year-old British man visiting Chicago for the first time, a little linguistic snafu led to him unknowingly asking someone out on a date. In a hilarious story posted on Reddit, the man shared how a year prior, despite not being a coffee drinker, he wanted to try an American Starbucks during his stay in the states. So, he popped into one near his hotel where he met a “very friendly” barista with a “super cute smile.” After hearing the man’s accent, a conversation was struck up between them.I asked the lady at Starbucks out by accident byu/jarvis2032 inPointlessStoriesHere’s where it gets good: as the UK man explained, he often asks folks what time they finish work, "especially if they say it’s been a long day.” After pulling out this seemingly innocent icebreaker on his barista, he noticed that she (and her coworkers) “looked at him funny.” But he shrugged it off in the moment.When she replied that she got off at 3 p.m., the man responded, “That’s not so bad.” Then, before leaving, he quipped, “See you later,” which can mean “Bye” in the UK. However, as many of us know, in America, that’s…not exactly what it means.What Whome GIFfrom What GIFs It wasn’t until talking about his day to a cousin from North Carolina that the man was informed what actually happened: he had basically asked his barista out on a date.“I avoided that coffee shop for the rest of my trip, I felt so embarrassed,” the OP concluded. This, of course, became fodder for the comments section, where countless readers joked that it was a missed romantic opportunity. "One year later, she is still standing outside the Starbucks, waiting for you," one person wrote. Another added, "Can't wait for the post from a Starbucks barista: 'Cute guy from England asked me out and then ghosted me.'"Still another suggested “one year after, same date, 3 pm. If she protests say you don't know what she is talking about, you asked her out this morning.”“Gaslighting. The way to a girl's heart," another viewer joked. To the OP’s credit, several people—including Americans—chimed in to say that asking about when a person gets off work can, in fact, be seen as normal chitchat rather than a flirtation.“Working in retail (Ireland) have been asked a good few times about my work/ shift times and have asked people this myself. Never saw it as an intention to ask people out,” one person wrote.Another echoed, “Yeah same here it just feels like making small talk haha, or like how long you've got left to suffer and they're commiserating with.”Still, several noted the double whammy of “when do you get off?” + “see you later” was really what set things off.Whose Line Is It Anyway Colin Mocherie GIFfrom Whose Line Is It Anyway GIFs “I feel like the 'when do you get off work' question on its own would not be a huge issue, but it probably confirmed her suspicion when you said 'see you later'. I've said the first to people before, and never had any funny looks; that, or I just never noticed. BRB, gonna go review every minor interaction I have ever had.”We’ll never know whether or not this barista actually thought she was being asked out on a date. But that’s not really the point, anyway. It’s just interesting to see how there truly are worlds within worlds on this planet. The exact same phrase spoken exactly the same way can take on entirely different meanings, depending on where you are. It’s part of what makes exploring so endlessly fascinating…even if it can lead to embarrassing moments along the way.

Isn't it wild that we're living in a time where a big chunk of the population knows what it's like to live in a world without cell phones and a big chunk don't and never will? Gen X was the last generation to have a fully cell-phone-free upbringing, and considering how much our modern phones have influenced life on Earth, that difference is significant. It's wild to think that young people today have no concept of what life was like without cell phones being the norm. People with kids often share stories of trying to explain how we navigated without Google Maps or how we let someone know we were running late or what we did when we were standing in a long line. It's a whole new world, for better or for worse. from AskOldPeople Someone asked the /AskOldPeople subreddit, "Was it nice to live without cell phones?" and Gen Xers and boomers reminisced about the good and the bad of the disconnected life. Like most things, the transition to cell phone ubiquity has had its up sides and its down sides, which they tried to explain for the youngster who asked. PROS OF LIFE BEFORE CELL PHONESNot having your youthful stupidity recorded and broadcastThere were lots of shenanigans in the 70s, 80s, and 90s that no one will ever know about, thank goodness. "I think one of the greatest perks of not having smart phones back then, is that all of the stupid things we did and said were not documented.""I was SO cringe as a teenager. I’m glad there’s a very minimal digital footprint of that." Young people were free to just be without every move being documented.Photo credit: Canva"I’d be in jail if I had a smart phone back then.""Bwahahahahahahahah my husband and I were just talking about this. We are a fairly normal couple now with two children and a dog but Lord if there was video footage of things we did when we were in our twenties. I'm so glad that there's no evidence for our children to see the debauchery.""I'd never be able to hold a job."People enjoyed more face-to-face interactionThis is probably the most obvious pro of not having cell phones. People can still do this, of course, but we're not forced to."People hung out and interacted more. You didn’t see families at restaurants all looking at their phones. People were more connected on a personal level.""Absolutely! If I were to take a photo in a restaurant today you’d see most people looking at their phones and not engaging. And a restaurant photo taken in the 70s, the only people I recall who didn’t engage with each other were older married couples. The differences are stark." Hanging out was just hanging out.Photo credit: Canva"I struggled the first few years that phones were big when everyone was at thanksgiving staring at their phones and nobody was talking to each other. Now I’m used to it and heck I probably do it myself now..it becomes the new norm.""Yes. I spent a lot more time staring into space and thinking when alone and it was wonderful. Also, not hearing from friends or dates after a day or so didn’t mean they hated me."More freedomIn some ways, smartphones have opened up the world to us, but they've also created addictions and a style of life that's incredibly busy and overstimulating. "Able to be actually completely unavailable. Reading books in my downtime. Silence. Darkness. True reflective solitude. Hell yeah it was good.""GenX here. Things were more spontaneous. We’d leave messages and notes for friends. If you missed it, you missed it. We had more mental freedom. Meeting people was more fun. Making eye contact out at a nightclub or party was a thing.""There was no anxiety when you left the house. You left the house and people knew you were leaving and then knew you weren’t gonna be back for a certain amount of time and if they had questions for you, they would have to wait until you got home. People had patience. Because you knew you could not get an answer in that exact second in that moment. The amount of people who get offended when you don’t text them back immediately is staggeringly stupid." Before cell phones people hung out and were choosy with their photos.Photo credit: CanvaCONS OF LIFE BEFORE CELL PHONESLots of waiting around for people to callGen Z's minds are often blown trying to imagine not being able to text someone, much less having to just wait around by the phone for them to call. "I recall sitting by the phone in the house for hours waiting for an expected call, wishing I could go out and do something. There was some good and some bad. We'd have loved to be able to contact friends without being home.""That's what I remember too. And as a teen, relying on parents/siblings to give you messages back in the dark days before answering machines." When you were waiting for a call, you had to stay close to the phone.Photo credit: Canva"Back in 95, When I sent my mom a message on her pager to call me, I would never leave the phone. I would sit there waiting all night! Reading magazines most likely. Or drawing.""I love this comment because now I'm remembering the downsides. My friends all out having fun without me because I wanted to stay home and see if a stupid boy was going to call me and my parents giving me crap about it. Also constantly fighting with my sister about being on the phone to the point that we had to have a timer for how long we could be on a single phone call. Or driving around looking for parties and trying to figure out where people were hanging out and just spending the whole Saturday in the car feeling frustrated because there was nothing to do. Still, I think it was mostly positive. We actually had to be with people without having to document everything or post it online."Less safety and ease when travelingThose who miss the pre-phone days may be forgetting what a pain it was to travel and how much less safe you felt if you got lost. "I do a lot of traveling alone and if something happens to my car I make a phone call and get road service. That makes this phone priceless." Having a handheld GPS is pretty darn convenient.Photo credit: Canva"My wife was being followed on her walk in a deserted park. The guy was getting very aggressive. She called me on her cell, then the police. I got there quickest and 'dealt' with the creep. My cousin had a blowout on the highway and went off the highway into a snow covered ditch. She used her phone to call for help and did not die in the -30 weather. I will take these obtrusive calls any day of the week. Like any other tool, it's how you use it. A good "do not disturb" setting with important people excepted from that list is the way to go. Overall, it is like any other tool - it's how you use it. As an older guy, the internet and smartphone is the best advance I have ever seen in technology and I embraced it from day one.""It was awful. My town had no transit and you had to prearrange rides and miscommunication was common. Lots of yelling. And finding a location at night in the rain was horrible whereas Maps pinpoints your location and where you are trying to get to."Many people miss the days before smartphones, but not cell phonesIt's not so much the cell phones as it is the mini computers that we carry around with us now. The camera and Google Maps are great, but social media and carrying 24/7 news and all of the information in the world around with us is a lot. "I'm not too nostalgic for a time before cell-phones, but I am nostalgic for the time before smart-phones. From ~1990 to ~2009, cell-phones were just what the name implies: mobile phones. But once smart-phones came out and social media exploded in popularity, they started actually changing the way human beings interact and behave and even how they think, and none of these changes were for the better." Many people would prefer flip phones to be the norm. Giphy GIF by Laff "This is my take as well. I appreciated having a dumb cell phone in the 90s when I was a single woman when driving places alone late. I could call AAA from my car if my car broke down instead of walking to god knows where to find a pay phone to call. Smart phones + social media though have had a lot of downsides.""This is such an important distinction. My first reaction reading the original post was all the stories of girls who walked home alone, couldn’t call for a safe ride and were never heard from again and all the times there was an accident and someone had to try to set off on foot to go get help. Cell phones are an amazing safety innovation. Smartphones are something different.""I agree completely! I like very few things about smartphones... having Google Maps, but that's about it. I could have a flip phone and a Navman on my dash and never give a single fuck about "smart" phones ever again.I hate what society and human interaction has become because of these things.""Absolutely, there was a sweet spot when we had cell phones or gps (I used to get lost so much more) but before social media became so ubiquitous and employers expected you to be available 24/7. Miss those days!"It truly is a mixed bagOne person's comment summed it all up quite perfectly:"It's a mixed bag.On the one hand, back in those days I had a lot less 'noise' coming at me all day. The phone ringing, texts coming in, emails, my company's instant messaging platform... none of those existed. Life was much quieter. Smart phones have made our lives both easier and more complex. Giphy GIF by Schitt's Creek On the other hand, tasks that are simple and quick now were much harder then. The top one that comes to mind was just getting around a place I didn't know well. Having to pull out a map, try to figure out where I even was let alone where I was going, stopping to ask strangers for directions, driving to a phone booth so I could look up the address of a business in the Yellow Pages. Not knowing what restaurants are worth visiting in a new town and just having to wing it. It was a headache.Sometimes I needed to get a hold of someone and just couldn't. Call, leave a voicemail, wait for a call back, hope I'm home and available to answer the phone when the return call happened.Banking required going to the bank. Paying bills required writing a bunch of checks by hand, stamping envelopes, and going to the mailbox.That said, even though these tasks are way easier and faster now, I don't have any more free time. I have less. Because we're expected to just cram more in our day."Good or bad, better or worse, we live in a world where phones are so interwoven into our lives, using them wisely and judiciously is the most important thing.

Most depictions of the early days of motherhood oscillate between blissful joy and utter exhaustion. There doesn't seem to be an in-between shown in the media often, and it's also not something generally talked about openly. Sure there may be people that openly share their struggles with postpartum depression but that's on the other end of the spectrum of typical "baby blues." When the hormonal phenomenon is mentioned, there's usually not enough detail given for new moms to know what to expect. A writer, musician and brand new first-time mom, Sam, who goes by Sam Doll on social media, is ripping the lid completely off of "baby blues" with her unfiltered review of postpartum. Sam's son is just barely a few weeks old so not enough time has passed for the hormones to settle for the early days of motherhood to be overwritten by time gaps and dump truck loads of oxytocin. Babies have a way of making you forget the less pleasant parts of early parenting days. It's likely nature's way of making sure we will continue to procreate after the first child. love and hip hop baby GIF by VH1 Giphy Thankfully for new moms looking to the Internet to find out what to expect or what others have experienced, Sam is telling it all. Her deadpan delivery makes the raw review all the more impactful. She starts the video with a warning to those thinking about having children–don't. Unless it's too late or you really, really want to."If you're thinking about giving birth, first of all, don't. Unless you really want to, it's too late and you're already doing it. I just want to tell you this so that you don't freak out. Well you're going to freak out...but so you don't freak out too much if this happens. Okay, so birth," Sam says speaking rapidly. As someone else on TikTok put it, birth is a near-death experience. But it's worse than that.It's actually borderline a thousand times worse because after you get home from your near death experience, you go insane. Doctors call it 'baby blues' which is a cute way of saying whether you like it or not your brain is going to turn against you and think the most psychotic thoughts you could possibly think." woman kissing baby Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash The new mom goes on to explain different thoughts that might pop into a postpartum mom's head like, "Can I give this thing up for adoption?", "What are my outs here?", "What do I do? Also, who is this kid?" Sam says that she was expecting this magical made-for-television moment where she sees her baby for the first time and feels an instant connection. She thought her child would feel like something that was once missing and now completed her but instead her reality was much different. Sam would not have her Hallmark movie moment immediately after birth and it's a common experience.According to the March of Dimes, 80% of postpartum people experience baby blues starting shortly after the birth of their child. Baby blues is a short-lived condition often caused by the rapid decrease in the hormones once used to maintain pregnancy. One of the main differences between baby blues and postpartum depression is the intensity and duration of symptoms. Postpartum depression can start at any point between one week to 12 months after giving birth while baby blues starts pretty immediately 2-3 days after birth and only last for a couple of weeks. Baby blues also doesn't involve scary thoughts or feelings of hopelessness. @sam_d0ll the baby blues had me in a chokehold #storytime #fyp ♬ original sound - Felix bharbie But some moms, like Sam, may feel a bit disconnected at first. "First of all, the first time I saw my baby I was on ketamine, so there was that but even after the come down, I was looking at him like 'who is this random baby? Who's this random baby?' Then I started panicking. I'm like uh-oh, I feel like this is a random baby. I don't feel like I think how I'm supposed to feel about it," she says before sharing that she compared her love for her dog to her baby making herself feel worse. Sam explains that she cried for days believing that she loved her dog more than she loved her baby. Fearing she might be broken, the new mom reached out to other mothers who assured her that they too did not feel an instant connection with their first child. The normalcy was reiterated by people in her comments with one person writing, "Took me two weeks to (how I phrased it) 'decide to keep her.'" Sleepy New Baby GIF by Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist Giphy "Wait THAT was “baby blues”?!? It took like 2ish months for me to love my baby. I felt like I was babysitting. I would cry wondering when her real mom was gunna come get her because surely that wasn’t me," someone else says."4 weeks postpartum with my second and sometimes I’m still like 'girl, when are your parents coming?'" another reveals."My brain was yelling 'RUN' for days. Baby was VERY much wanted and planned for. Hormones be crazy," one person chimes in."i am so glad i live in an age where mothers can be honest about motherhood. i don’t mean this lightheartedly: thank you for being so transparent," shares one more.

Marriage is hard. On your wedding day, you "know" it will be hard, and people tell you it will be hard, but you don't really fully understand. Not until you're years deep and navigating a joint life with another human being who has their own wants, desires, emotions, thoughts, and opinions.Some people believe it's so hard because human beings aren't biologically wired for monogamy. Others believe we just don't do a good enough job of preparing ourselves for the more difficult aspects of lifelong partnership, leading to the notoriously high divorce rate.A renowned couple's therapist named Terrence Real has been grabbing headlines with his somewhat controversial idea that could help save many relationships. He calls it "normal marital hatred." Once the wedding day has come and gone, things get real. Photo by freestocks on Unsplash Real was recently on the Tim Ferris Podcast, where he elaborated on what he believes is a critically under-discussed aspect of relationships:.“The essential rhythm of all relationships is harmony, disharmony, and repair," he says. "Closeness, disruption, and a return to closeness. That's where the skills come in, how to move from disruption to repair. Our culture doesn't teach it."Real says every couple will have moments, days, or even longer stretches of dissatisfaction, and that those feelings can be much more powerful than you might think.“So, here's what I wanna say about disharmony: It hurts, it's dark. You can really, really feel like, 'What the hell did I get myself into? This is such a disappointment.’ And guess what? Your partner's probably feeling that about you too.”His concept of normal marital hatred is fascinating. It takes a shocking idea, that you could "hate" your partner, and puts it right there next to the word "normal." Internalizing the idea might seem pretty bleak to young people getting ready to settle down, but Real doesn't want people to panic or bail rather than sticking it out. Again, he says it's completely normal.“I talk about normal marital hatred when you're in that dark phase. You hate your partner, that's okay. It's part of the deal for many of it. I've been going around the world talking about normal marital hatred for, oh my god, what? 30 years. ... It's okay, kids — don't sweat it. You can get through it. It's normal. Relax.”Watch the whole clip here: @timferriss Therapist Terry Real on Normal Marital Hatred. (From my brand-new interview with Terry.) #couples #therapy Commenters were, for the most part, in strong agreement with Real's blunt assessment."Hatred disappears when a person able to hold 2 truths simultaneously: I love you, I don’t like you now. Dialectical thinking""When people stop romanticizing relationships and realize you're relating to another autonomous human being, it's easier to understand, relate, love and also forgive.""This is such an important topic that it's not talked about enough. Marriage is not some fairytale can't run away when you hate your partner because in a week you'll probably love them again.""Hatred is a pretty strong word but I appreciate the concept behind the theory. My theory is space and grace. Grant each other a little space to cool down but the grace to come back and repair."Others wondered if the term 'hatred' was really accurate, or maybe just a gimmick to make the concept more controversial and marketable:"To me, hatred is too strong a word. I don’t hate my spouse. I often times do not like him, but I always love him. 33 years of a solid, loving marriage.""Hatred is a brutal way to put it. Wrong word.""I have NEVER hated my late husband of 16 years or my partner of 4 years! I have been utterly pissed at both hurt by them unclear if I can make it another day through xyz but not hate never hate"It all begs the question: What are feelings of hatred, really? It's normal to be upset at or even dislike your partner sometimes. Is it really normal to hate them? Photo by Mattia on Unsplash Not to be that guy, but Merriam-Webster defines hatred as: "Extreme dislike or disgust...ill will or resentment ... prejudiced hostility or animosity"That sounds like a dangerous combination of feelings to feel toward your partner! Dislike or disgust? Maybe, in brief doses. But many experts say that resentment and animosity are very close cousins of the infamous Four Horsemen, or communication styles that can be predictive of divorce. The Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The Gottman Institute found that when these patterns show up regularly, even in just a single conversation, it often spells doom for the couple.However, Real emphasizes that these negative feelings we might get toward our partner (the so-called hatred) are usually temporary, even appearing for just a brief moment or two.Regardless of the terminology, Real is right about one thing: Normal, healthy marriages will have conflict and moments where partners don't like each other very much. Navigating them successfully is key.Luckily, he has advice for that, too.“In normal circumstances, if you’re unhappy with me, that is not the time for me to talk to you about how unhappy I am with you,” he said. “Everybody gets that wrong.”In other words, these moments of dislike/hatred/disagreement/or whatever you want it call it should be opportunities for partners to listen to each other and not escalate the conflict into a power struggle. They are opportunities for better communication and for partners to better learn how to meet each other's needs. Feeling that hatred is not the problem. Feeding it and allowing it to grow is what makes it really dangerous.

An enduring influence...