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FBI launches investigation into the Angel of God who interfered in assassination attempt on Trump
In a move that has left theologians and conspiracy theorists equally bewildered, the FBI has announced an investigation into the “Angel of God” who allegedly saved former President Donald Trump from an assassination attempt during his rally in Butler, Pennsylvania.
According to eyewitnesses, as the would-be assassin took aim, Trump inexplicably turned his head at the precise moment, causing the bullet to miss by mere inches. The former president later credited divine intervention for the miraculous dodge, claiming, “An angel whispered in my ear and told me to move. It was a beautiful, perfect angel, the best angel, really.”
Not wanting to leave any stone unturned, the FBI has decided to get to the bottom of this celestial involvement. “We take all interference in official matters seriously, even if it’s from a higher power,” stated FBI Director Christopher Wray. “No entity, divine or otherwise, is above the law.”
This announcement has sparked a frenzy of reactions. Supporters of Trump view the investigation as yet another attempt to undermine him, while critics are bewildered by the FBI’s determination to challenge divine authority.
“He’s saved by an angel and now the FBI wants to investigate? What’s next, a warrant for St. Peter?” quipped Trump ally and staunch supporter, Senator Lindsey Graham.
The FBI has reportedly set up a special task force to track down the heavenly entity. Special Agent Gabriel Michaelson, a leading investigator with a background in theology and paranormal activities, has been assigned to lead the probe. “We are treating this like any other case of interference,” said Michaelson. “We will find this angel and question it thoroughly.”
Theologians are baffled by the FBI’s approach. “Divine intervention is not something you can just subpoena,” explained Dr. Cecilia Faith, a professor of religious studies. “The FBI might need to brush up on their metaphysical jurisdiction.”
Late-night comedians have had a field day with the news. “So let me get this straight,” joked one host. “The FBI is going to question an angel? Good luck finding its contact info on LinkedIn!”
The investigation has also prompted a variety of humorous responses on social media. One tweet that went viral read, “Dear FBI, good luck serving a subpoena to Heaven. Hope you packed your wings and halos!”
In response to the controversy, Trump himself has taken to social media, declaring, “The FBI has gone mad! Investigating an angel? They should be thanking the angel for saving a great American, not harassing it. Witch hunt!”
Meanwhile, the Vatican has issued a rare statement, humorously noting that “the FBI is welcome to send their questions to God, but we can’t guarantee a swift reply. Divine mail can be notoriously slow.”
As the investigation unfolds, the American public remains riveted by this bizarre chapter in the Trump saga. While some await the FBI’s findings with bated breath, others see this as yet another example of the surreal political theater that has come to define modern times.
In a final twist, the FBI has also requested assistance from the clergy to help identify and communicate with the angel. “We’re calling in the experts,” said Director Wray. “Who better to help us navigate this divine mystery than those who talk to God for a living?”
As the investigation continues, one thing is certain: in a world where politics and the supernatural collide, the truth is often stranger than fiction. Stay tuned for the next divine revelation in this heavenly saga.
The post FBI launches investigation into the Angel of God who interfered in assassination attempt on Trump appeared first on Genesius Times.
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