All images by Angelo Merendino, published here with permission.Cancer is unfortunately common, but seeing someone's cancer journey from start to finish is pretty uncommon. Medical experiences are often kept private, for understandable reasons, so the public is usually shielded from the various ups and downs and the intimate moments of pain and struggle, as well as love and even joy, that come along with battling terminal cancer. When I first saw the incredible photos Angelo Merendino took of his wife, Jennifer, as she battled breast cancer, I felt that I shouldn't be seeing this snapshot of their intimate, private lives. The photos humanize the face of cancer and capture the difficulty, fear, and pain that they experienced during the difficult time. Angelo and Jennifer were a happy couple.Angelo Merendino But as Angelo commented: "These photographs do not define us, but they are us."In his photo exhibition, Angelo wrote:"Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer five months after our wedding. She passed less than four years later. During our journey we realized that many people are unaware of the reality of day to day life with cancer. After Jen’s cancer metastasized we decided to share our life through photographs." Angelo and Jennifer Angelo Merendino Jennifer was diagnosed with cancer in 2008.Angelo Merendino Her diagnosis came only five months after they were married.Angelo Merendino On his website, Angelo writes:"With each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, 'You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.' We loved each other with every bit of our souls. Jen taught me to love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve never been as happy as I was during this time."However, the ups and downs of cancer journeys eventually take a toll. Having support is vital, but that doesn't mean everyone will understand or be able to be there the way we might hope. Losing hair is a common side effect of cancer treatment.Angelo Merendino Angelo and Jennifer decided to document her cancer journey.Angelo Merendino “Throughout our battle we were fortunate to have a strong support group but we still struggled to get people to understand our day-to-day life and the difficulties we faced…Sadly, most people do not want to hear these realities and at certain points we felt our support fading away.” Cancer can be lonely sometimes. Angelo Merendino "People assume that treatment makes you better, that things become OK, that life goes back to 'normal,' Angelo wrote. "There is no normal in cancer-land. Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily. And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?" Not everyone understands the journey.Angelo Merendino They captured the ups and the downs. Angelo Merendino They also captured the love and heartbreak.Angelo Merendino “When people see these photographs, I hope they see life before death,” Angelo writes. “I hope they see love before loss.” Small joys are part of the journey.Angelo Merendino Celebrating Jennifer's 40th birthdayAngelo Merendino Having a support system makes a big difference. Angelo Merendino Every photo tells a story.Angelo Merendino There is love in every image.Angelo Merendino And then the after began.Angelo Merendino Jennifer passed in 2011, and Angelo has had his own long healing journey in the years since. He told the Susan G. Komen Foundation in 2022 that finding a therapist who had lost a spouse helped him a lot. “Healing has been an ongoing thing. I don’t want to forget how much it hurts, because I think the other side of that is how much I loved Jen, and how much she loved me,” Angelo said. “I try to remember how fortunate I am to be alive and to not take for granted all the things that I have in my life.” Jennifer's tombstone reads "I loved it all." Angelo Merendino “If you’re going through this, keep moving forward,” Angelo said. “Be graceful with yourself. Know you you’ll find joy again. Something as simple as a sunset will make you more thankful than anything. There’s still so much life to live. Out of honor to Jen, I have to live my life again.This article originally appeared thirteen years ago.

Kids, or people in general, wanting to change their given names is nothing new. As an act of autonomy (or just simple creativity), it's perfectly natural to reinvent one's self until it feels right.Over on Reddit, a popular parenting thread wrestles with the same concept. One person states, "My child wants to change their name." They note, "My child (10) just started public school, and suddenly they have asked to change their name. Here's the kicker: this isn't an effort to express their gender identity in another way. If they wanted to explore more non-conforming gender roles (non-binary/gender-fluid/transgender), I would be entirely, completely supportive of that. My spouse and I are both non-conforming to gender roles, and I could understand if our child wanted to explore something similar."They continue that they found the source of the new name. "I did some digging, and I recently discovered part of their motivation for the change: it is the name of their favorite YouTuber. I don't even know where to start here. I feel a level of guilt being judgmental of my child's choice to change their name, but there also isn't anything inherently wrong with it. A rose by another name and all that, but am I wrong for thinking the reason for the change is just a little bit flippant and not a good motivation to change their identity, especially when that identity is being lifted from another, living person?" A menacing man asks that you say his name. Giphy The post received are over three hundred comments, many of which share similar stories and anecdotes of how they changed their names as kids.One confesses they wanted to change their name a lot: "For what it's worth, I wanted to change my name a million times growing up. First, I wanted Dawn, then Angel, and lord knows what after that. I'm sure I went by Lilith during high school for a moment. My parents were so blasé about it. I never did change my name."This Redditor notes they found it serendipitous that their child wanted to change her name, just as the person was reading a book that mentions name-changing. "My 5-year-old decided to change her name just as I started rereading Northanger Abbey, so this quote stuck out to me: 'Sally, or rather Sarah (for what young lady of common gentility will reach the age of sixteen without altering her name as far as she can?)' It’s been a thing for centuries!"Another points out that the inspiration for names can wane over time: "My parents let me change my name when I was 8 to an animal name from a Disney movie. Not legally, but they called me that name and had all my teachers, coaches, etc., use it. As I got older, I realized how silly it sounded, but also my own name still didn't feel right. I chose another nickname (a person name this time), and when I went to middle school I went under this new name. When I went to college, I tried to go back to my legal name, but it didn't stick, and I ended up telling everyone my nickname and using that until I finally changed it legally when I was about 23."One shares that their young daughter has asked to go by "Grass," so they do. Spider-Man dances like nobody's watching. Giphy Spider-Man Dance GIF And some, of course, note that the moment will pass: "My son went by Spider-Man for almost a year at age 4. He’s 23 now and happy with his given name."

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