The USS Gerald R. Ford, a 100,000-ton aircraft carrier that is the world's largest, and the vessels that make up its strike group left Naval Station Norfolk in Virginia on Tuesday to join the European Theater, where it will be closer to Israel.

ORLANDO, FL — Obese air travelers around the country have just announced plans to sit right next to you on your flight.According to morbidly overweight persons scattered throughout America's airports, you'll have a large amount of company on every flight you ever take for the rest of your life."Ope! Sorry, coming through!" said several chubsters on their way to sit next to you. "Mind if we leave the armrests up for this flight? It's more comfortable that way. And where did you say you were getting off? We might have the same connecting flights, too, you know."Sources said that you will feel really awkward as you desperately avoid brushing sweaty arm hairs with them for several hours."What's wrong with just settling in and getting friendly with your seatmates?" asked another person of size, preparing to comfortably sit right on your seat belt and watching you squirm with discomfort. "Personal space is for those richie-riches in second class anyway."The announcement followed close on the heels of other fat travelers' plans to walk incredibly slowly down the middle aisle when you have a connecting flight, to take three times the normal amount of time in the TSA line right ahead of you, and to lean over to ask if you're going to finish those Biscoff cookies midway through the flight. At publishing time, the nation's airlines had announced plans to only seat you next to restrooms.

Each passing moment brings us one step closer to the end times. Concerned? Keep an eye out for these signs that the tribulation is at hand.

Welp, it looks like Trump bombed Iran. The Babylon Bee has assembled headlines from various media outlets here in one place so you can pick a little bit of the truth out of each to learn the whole story.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Get a load of this total dweeb of a congressman who still thinks we care about what the Constitution says.

Amid the fallout of U.S. airstrikes at several Iranian nuclear facilities, the Trump administration arrested a reported “Iranian Army sniper” living unlawfully in the country. Immigration and Customs…

As Prime Minister Mark Carney deepens defence ties with the European Union, Canada’s Chief of the Defence Staff Gen. Jennie Carignan says Ottawa should resume its planned purchase of American F-35 fighter…

After President Trump did what past presidents couldn’t do — that is, take out Iran’s ability to produce a nuclear weapon while securing peace in the region and preventing a needless, ongoing war…

Bernie Sanders is a socialist millionaire trying to protect us from capitalist billionaires. Save us, Bernie! He recently flew into Austin, we assume on a private jet, to chat with podcast king Joe Rogan.…

by Marc Lichtenfeld, Chief Income Strategist, The Oxford Club The media and the so-called experts have laughed at Elon Musk his entire career. CBS called PayPal “one of the 10 worst business ideas ever.”…