genesiustimes.com
MLB: First Female Ump Grounds The Cubs For Messy Dugout
CHICAGO—MLB’s first female umpire, Jen “Iron Mom” Pawol, brought Wrigley Field to a screeching halt during yesterday’s Chicago Cubs game against the Milwaukee Brewers, citing the team’s “utterly shameful” dugout mess. Wielding a wooden spoon she keeps for “motivational purposes,” Pawol ordered the Cubs to “clean up this disaster or go straight to bed without baseball.”
The chaos erupted in the fourth inning, with the Cubs down 3-1. Pawol, visibly horrified by scattered sunflower seed shells, crumpled energy drink cans, and a rogue hot dog wrapper, blew her whistle—a literal whistle—and marched into the Cubs’ dugout. “This is a ballpark, not a landfill!” she snapped, brandishing her spoon like a general’s baton. “You boys better shape up, or I’ll have your mothers on speed dial!”
Players scrambled to obey as Pawol called out untucked jerseys, lopsided caps, and one player’s “unacceptable” tobacco-stained chin. In a now-viral moment, she paused the game to wet a tissue with her water bottle and scrubbed the face of third baseman Jake “Slugger” Malone, muttering, “I didn’t sign up to umpire a barnyard.” Malone later confessed, “I was too mortified to move.”
Cubs manager Tony Russo tried to protest, insisting the dugout’s state was “standard chaos.” Pawol wasn’t having it. She sent Russo to the clubhouse for a 10-minute “time-out,” warning him to “reflect on your leadership.” Russo slunk away after Pawol hinted she’d make him write apology letters to the grounds crew.
The MLB’s hiring of Pawol, a former schoolteacher with a knack for discipline, was initially celebrated as a bold step forward. Now, league officials are second-guessing the move as reports surface of Pawol docking players for swearing, banning excessive bat-flipping, and mandating “neat and tidy” batting stances. “It’s like playing for your strictest aunt,” said Brewers outfielder Kyle Jensen, who was reprimanded for not saying “excuse me” after sliding into second.
Cubs fans were split. Some embraced Pawol’s tough love, chanting “Jen! Jen! Jen!” from the stands. Others grumbled, with one fan waving a sign reading, “Let Them Spit!” Ticket sales, however, surged 15%, as curious fans flocked to witness Pawol’s next move.
Play resumed after the Cubs swept their dugout, but not before Pawol inspected each player’s uniform and issued a stern warning: “Next time, I’m bringing the dustpan.” The Cubs fell 4-2, with players admitting they were too frazzled to swing straight.
MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred stayed silent, though insiders report he’s been seen nervously checking his tie in meetings. Pawol, meanwhile, announced a “decency jar” for the next game, where players will owe a quarter for every smirk or sarcastic gesture.
The Cubs have hired a dugout custodian and started practicing “yes, ma’am” responses. “We just want to keep Jen happy,” said Malone, nervously wiping his bat. “And maybe avoid detention.”
The post MLB: First Female Ump Grounds The Cubs For Messy Dugout appeared first on Genesius Times.
New Posts (Home)
ChatBox
Popular Posts 
Game Zone
Top PodCasts
