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Research shows 'micro moments' of loving-kindness with strangers matter more than we think
Have you ever had a stranger hold the door for you, compliment your outfit, or offer to give you directions when you appeared to be lost? Have you ever run to catch up with someone who dropped something in front of you, told a server they did an excellent job, or had a lovely conversation with someone you would probably never see again?These small, pleasant moments with people we don't know may not seem like a big deal, but new research indicates otherwise. Taylor N. West and Barbara Fredrickson, social psychologists at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, study everyday micro-moments of positive connection, and their findings show that interactions with strangers, even the brief ones, matter more than we might think. Making a stranger smile helps build a better society. Photo credit: CanvaWhen it comes to well-being, positive moments with strangers are deeply impactful"With each fleeting interaction, strangers tie us to the collective, stitching us into the broader fabric of society and subtly shaping our sense of humanity," write West and Frederickson. "These easily overlooked moments matter for well-being and provide a sense of belonging. But beyond well-being, these brief moments may play a quiet but powerful role in fostering a kind and cooperative society."As this is a relatively new area of research, there aren't a ton of studies. But, so far, researchers have found that positive stranger encounters are linked to well-being. "Despite people’s fears or expectations, research consistently finds that connecting with a stranger boosts our mood," write West and Frederickson. However, the researchers wanted to dig deeper, so they studied 335 young adults to determine whether the quality of their interactions made a difference. "What we found was striking, and frankly exceeded our expectations," they write. "The quality of people’s interactions with strangers and acquaintances predicted their reported loneliness, sense of belonging, and mental health symptoms just as strongly as the quality of their close relationships. Quality interactions with strangers and acquaintances didn’t just matter for well-being; they mattered just as much as your inner circle." Kind moments matter.Photo credit: CanvaWe need stranger interactions to help meet our individual emotional needs and to create social cohesionWe need friends and loved ones in our lives, but we are mistaken if we think that's enough. According to West and Frederickson, "research has found that people report the highest well-being when they interact with a diverse range of relationship partners, be it friends, coworkers, neighbors, or strangers, as compared to people who interact with relatively fewer relationship types. And realistically, no one’s close relationships meet their needs every single day. Some days we don’t get the support we need, or people are unavailable. When that happens, recent research finds that on days when close relationships fall short, brief interactions with strangers play an important role in sustaining well-being."Beyond that, conversations with strangers can help us discover new things and learn more than our conversations with those we already know. In a series of studies, West and Frederickson consistently found that conversations with strangers and acquaintances increased people's intellectual humility (including a willingness to learn from people with different views), strengthened people’s belief that people are generally kind and helpful, and bolstered the belief that a community can come together to enact change."In other words, connecting with strangers isn’t just a feel-good, it may be foundational to democracy and civic life—a societal good," write the researchers. Striking up a conversation with a stranger can expand our horizons.Photo credit: CanvaAn obstacle: modern conveniences are limiting our opportunities to interact with strangersOne part of West and Frederickson's research included a six-week study of 225 young adults that found that those who visited more locations throughout their day had more interactions with acquaintances and strangers (not surprising) and that people who left the house on any given day reported less loneliness and greater well-being than those who stayed home. The problem is it's far easier to stay at home than ever. People are quick to blame social media for dwindling in-person interactions, but there are actually lots of modern conveniences that allow us to avoid places we used to have to go and avoid people even when we do go out. Think ordering from QR code menus instead of talking to a server, doing all our banking online instead of talking with a bank teller, ordering groceries online and having them delivered, or even using the self-checkout at the store, instead of interacting with the checkout clerk. By relying on technology instead of humans, we are losing some of the regular opportunities to have these micro-moments. Of course, that doesn't mean we can't use those technological wonders, but it does mean we might have to make more concerted efforts to have more interactions. The researchers state that their findings suggest simply leaving the house can help people have more micro-moments of connection, which can help stave off loneliness as well as improve individual and collective well-being.
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"Our loneliness epidemic will not be solved solely by having deeper friendships or finding a romantic partner, but by being integrated with community and society," write the researchers. "Our social divisions will not be resolved by avoiding strangers, but being open to and connecting with them. The remedy begins with the fleeting interactions you have every day."
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