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Granger Smith’s Wife, Amber, Recalls His Near-Suicide Attempt After Losing Their Son: “Breaks My Heart That He Felt Like This Was The Only Way Out”
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or text Crisis Text Line at 741741.
Revisiting a dark time.
In 2019, Granger and Amber Smith experienced the unimaginable when they lost their 3-year-old son, River, in an accidental drowning.
The couple have detailed much of their journey these past few years, shining a light on how they’ve been able to carry on in the midst of extreme grief. The couple, especially Granger, has been remarkably candid about the struggles they faced. In 2023, the country singer shocked the world, disclosing in a 2023 Entertainment Tonight interview what his rock bottom looked like during his grief journey, ultimately leading him to leave his career in country music and begin a new chapter in ministry.
Smith confessed in the interview that he coped with the loss of River by self-medicating with alcohol and weed.
“I would wake up in the middle of the night many times and I would wake up and go, ‘I lost my son,’ and then I couldn’t go back to sleep. It was every night, so I would take weed in some form so that hopefully I would sleep all night, and it worked.
It felt good, and so then, I thought, well, I might as well go and have it in the morning, too, in case something happens at breakfast, and then I might as well make sure around lunch time… And then I thought if I don’t have it, I’m in trouble and the slideshow’s gonna overtake me.”
The “slideshow” he is referring to is the painful memories of his son’s final moments that would continually flash in his mind… a daily, waking nightmare that he couldn’t escape. The grief consumed the country music star while he was on tour, and one night in the back of his bus in Boise, Idaho, Smith was intoxicated with a gun in his hand… and considering ending his own life:
“I just wanted to end it all, when the weed wasn’t working anymore and the alcohol couldn’t numb it…”
Smith recalls at that moment thinking of his other two children, Lincoln and London, and knowing that he had to survive this grief for them. He envisioned their faces and cried out to the Almighty:
“I slid the gun out of my hand and it hit the bank and I fell down on the floor and I was crying and I was horrified at my shame and my guilt and the weakness I was and the lack of strength that I had and the weak man I that I was.
It all hit me at once, and that was the beginning.”
Since that moment, Granger has fully surrendered himself to his Creator and looks to his faith during every point of his life, not just in times of struggle.
While it was courageous for Smith to share this with the public, disclosing this rock-bottom moment to his wife was even more difficult. Amber Smith is now sharing her perspective on grief and healing from losing a child in her new book “The Girl On The Bathroom Floor,” which will be available on October 14th.
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In an exclusive excerpt of the novel she shared with People, she details that she had no idea his beloved husband considered ending his life that night in Idaho until three years after the fact. In the passage, Amber shared that she hated not being there for her husband as he was “engulfed in spiritual warfare” and was beyond heartbroken that “he felt like this was the only way out.”
As you read the passage, until the very end, you are under the impression that he confessed to reaching a low point with his wife, but readers learn that Amber had no idea how seriously he was contemplating pulling the trigger until three and a half years later.
The excerpt is heartbreaking to read, and it’s hard to imagine the agonizing pain Amber must have experienced while writing this for her novel. But just as Granger had the willpower to admit this to his viewers as well, it reveals the strength this family possesses and the power their story carries. While this might have been the darkest time of their lives, sharing heartbreakingly candid moments like this can help so many others who are experiencing a similar heartache.
Amber Smith is beyond brave for sharing this from her perspective.
The excerpt reads as follows:
“Many of you are probably reading my story because you know our family, you know of our loss, or you may have already read Granger’s book ‘Like a River’. In chapter 7 of that book, titled “The Dark Night of the Soul,” Granger recounts in vivid detail the night he almost took his life.
He was out with the guys in Boise, Idaho, one night after a show. It was a good show for them, and some of the guys were gonna go grab some drinks. Granger decided to go with them. They walked over to the local bar, laughed, and told old stories, all while drinking more than he had since River died. When the evening wrapped up, he found himself drunkenly walking back to his tour bus alone. He details how he couldn’t remember the code to the door, numbers he had pressed hundreds of times. As he fumbled for the keypad in the cold and made it inside, he realized the severity of the situation in that moment. He hadn’t been drunk in a really long time.
You can read the story in more detail in his book, but that night my sweet, incredible husband, the wonderful father of my kids, put a cold Glock 9mm into his mouth. I cry even typing this. It breaks my heart that he felt like this was the only way out. I wish I had known. I wish I could have grabbed him, shaken him, and said, ‘You’re a good father! I love you! We’ve got this! This isn’t the way!’ But I didn’t have to. By the sheer grace of God, Granger became aware that the voice quietly telling him to pull the trigger wasn’t his own. He realized suddenly that he was under attack. He was engulfed in spiritual warfare.
In that moment, he did the only thing he knew to do, crying out, ‘Jesus, save me! Save me, please, Jesus, save me!’ In that moment of crying out to God, the visions suddenly stopped, the gun slipped out of his hand and he collapsed to the floor, falling asleep in a puddle of his own tears, fully clothed on the bathroom floor of his bus.
Granger texted me the next morning saying he’d had an awful night. He told me he drank way too much and came face-to-face with Satan. I asked if he got sick, and he said, ‘Oh yeah, all night.’ He said the visions came, and he cried and prayed Psalm 23 until he fell asleep on the floor. He never shared with me that he came so close to pulling the trigger. Not until three and a half years later.”
The post Granger Smith’s Wife, Amber, Recalls His Near-Suicide Attempt After Losing Their Son: “Breaks My Heart That He Felt Like This Was The Only Way Out” first appeared on Whiskey Riff.
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