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The ‘Die Hard’ Debate: 6 Country “Christmas” Songs That Really Aren’t Christmas Songs
"My Favorite Things" is not a Christmas song. Sure, there's some lines that reference winter and presents but is the criteria for a Christmas song that low? Someone, somewhere, at some point made a decision to play the Sound of Music number as the end of December drew near and now we've all been relegated to hearing it every time we step foot in a mall or turn on the local radio station.
I'm not a Christmas music hater, far from it actually. I do get pretty fed up with the same 10 songs sung by the same artists over and over again but with just a little but of extra work (and by that I mean turning on Whiskey Riff's Country Christmas Songs That Don't Suck playlist) you can discover an entire sub-genre of country Christmas music that you'd never know existed unless you went out of your way to find it.
Alan Jackson's Let It Be Christmas, Willie Nelson's The Classic Christmas Album, Wetzel's Winter Wonderland, A Cody Johnson Christmas, A Holly Dolly Christmas, there's truly a wealth of Christmas music to be found out there that's not just "Jingle Bells" and "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town".
The first album I mentioned is truly a classic Christmas project and AJ's original title-track absolutely qualifies as one of the best Christmas songs of all-time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwJ4SwxEvb8
What Makes A Christmas Song?
Before I go any further, I should probably lay out my perspective on what makes a Christmas song.
Much like the great "Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?" debate, I firmly believe a Christmas song is defined as one that doesn't make any sense if it doesn't take place during Christmas. Does the plot rely on it being Christmas for the story to come together? Or does the plot just so happen to take place at Christmas time? Those are very different things and are the only factor I use to determine if a song is a Christmas song or not (or if a movie is a Christmas movie or not... which makes Diehard NOT a Christmas movie, sorry about it).
Now that that's settled and I'm sure no one is upset at my opinion, let's get into the topic at hand.
Just like "Favorite Things", country music sometimes tries to loop non-Christmas songs into the Christmas song category, at times in a purposefully ironic way, and at other times in a seemingly blissfully unaware state of Holiday stupor.
Country Songs That Aren't Christmas Songs
Merle Haggard - "If We Make It Through December"
If you've listened to any country Christmas playlist or radio station than you've probably heard this one a few times this year and for good reason, it's a great song, but is it really a Christmas song?
Sure, it mentions Christmas and takes place at the end of the year but really it's a song about truly hard times where a family doesn't know how or if they'll be able to make it through.
Admittedly, it was released on Merle Haggard's 1973 album titled Merle Haggard's Christmas Present (which is in fact a Christmas album so maybe my whole point is moot) as well as serving as the title track for a non-Christmas album released a few months later, and a real listen to this song shows you that it just so happens the guy lost his job before Christmas, but even if it wasn't Christmas, the family would still be struggling to find a way to survive...
If we make it through December
Everything's gonna be all right, I know
It's the coldest time of winter
And I shiver when I see the falling snow
If we make it through December
Got plans to be in a warmer town come summertime
Maybe even California
If we make it through December, we'll be fine
Conclusion: Close, but not a Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w397SIxbDo
Carrie Underwood - "Jesus Take The Wheel"
Not going to lie, I kind of forgot about this one until thinking about songs that fit the criteria and then I remembered how good early Carrie Underwood was.
Released as Carrie's debut single from her debut album Some Hearts in 2005, "Jesus Take The Wheel" absolutely exploded when the general public first heard it and was certified Platinum (1 million copies sold) in July of 2008.
Yes, the car spins out on a snow-white Christmas Eve but that car could have spun out any random night and the driver could have had a spiritual experience with the Lord above.
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati on a snow-white Christmas EveGoing home to see her mama and her daddy with the baby in the backseat
Conclusion: Not a Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lydBPm2KRaU
49 Winchester - "Damn Darlin'"
This song will forever hold a special place in my heart.
I was listening to 49 Winchester's Fortune Favors The Bold album while driving home from my grandparents a few years back and it started to snow those huge flakes that seem to take up the entire windshield before melting or being wiped away. The roads were empty, sun had just set, and Christmas lights were cutting through the cold air from the few houses that got an early start on the holidays.
"Damn Darlin'" came on and I almost cried right there behind the wheel. Everything about the moment was beautiful and I was already extremely nostalgic and sad because my grandpa was dying, hence why I made a mid-week trip to see them instead of waiting for our typical Sunday visit. He wound up passing away just a few weeks later and now whenever I hear this song I'm sucked back to that drive, in the snow, after seeing my grandpa still up and about and mentally sharp for one of the last times.
It was the night before Christmas, 1995
You broke her poor heart and she shattered your pride
Outside that little honky-tonk in Nashville, Tennessee
Neon never looked so dim to me
On a personal basis, this song sort of qualifies as a Christmas song for me, only because I listen to it this time of year to remember my Poppy, but I'm going to have to disagree with the band itself on whether this is objectively a Christmas song. It just so happens to take place at Christmas, it doesn't have to take place at Christmas.
https://twitter.com/49winchester/status/1606752379621330944
Conclusion: Phenomenal song that makes me weep uncontrollably, but not a Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uco0rpHh1hM
Colby Acuff - "Plastic Horses"
The most recent release on the list.
Colby Acuff has been on an absolute roll lately, giving us an album each of the past 5 years with every one bringing something new and a little bit different to the table.
His 2024 record, Better Days, was hands down in my Top 3 from the year. It wound up at 15 on Whiskey Riff's Top 40 Country Albums of 2024 list because there was honestly just so much great music put out this year, but there's a song on there that just my be my favorite of his yet...
"Plastic Horses" is a fun sounding song with a deep underbelly. What on the surface seems like a cool, rocking sing-along becomes downright tragic realizing that the man on the street traded his entire life away for some pills, knows just how awful that is, misses his little girl who he doesn't even recognize at this point, but still just can't quit the habit and winds up dying because of it.
Well, he was sittin' on the sidewalkChristmas Eve, all by himself with a brown bag drinkOh, and a pocketful of plastic horses
Fantastic song but the most clear example of a song that's not a Christmas song, no matter what Colby himself says (sorry dude)...
https://twitter.com/ColbyAcuff/status/1863581159520657760
Conclusion: Simply not a Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18jJ_JqO7d8
Dolly Parton - "Hard Candy Christmas"
I know what you're saying... "No, it can't be! This man is a menace! His opinions are trash and we must get rid of him!"
In general I wouldn't fight you on that because who am I really? But in this case, I'm just taking words straight from Dolly Parton's mouth.
She once told ABC:
“It’s kind of funny that people think it’s a Christmas song, and it’s really not. It’s really just about people having hard times and saying, ‘It’s like a hard candy Christmas,’ like when you’re so poor that all you get for Christmas is a piece of hard candy.”
She went on to say that while she didn't write it (Carol Hall did), the lyrics still connected with her personally as she and her family had more than a few rough Christmases growing up:
"In the early days we didn’t have electricity so we used to go out I the woods with my Dad in the afternoon, find the best tree that we could and we’d take it back in the house and decorate it with whatever Mamma could (find).
Buttons and popcorn, anything that we could have which was great, those days were great...
Momma would always tell Christmas stories, read the bible, then we’d go out to the barn and they would tell us that at midnight the cattle would kneel, like in honor. But we never could stay awake long enough to see it.
We could never see that happen. But we always had a little something…. It didn’t matter what we got… it was great for us."
There you have it. Plus, the lyrics themselves say that her situation is only "like" a hard candy Christmas, not that it "is" a hard candy Christmas...
Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down
Conclusion: What Dolly says goes, so not a Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOzi-gD7-ts
John Prine - "Christmas In Prison"
It sure feels like John Prine has a song for every occasion, right?
Your favorite songwriter's favorite songwriter released "Christmas In Prison" in 1973 on his Sweet Revenge album (and a live version on his 1993 A John Prine Christmas project) and pretty straightforwardly once said that this song was not about Christmas, or even prison:
"It’s about a person being somewhere like a prison, in a situation they don’t want to be in. And wishing they were somewhere else. But I used all the imagery as if it were an actual prison."
Like Dolly, who are we to argue what John Prine himself said?
It was Christmas in prisonAnd the food was real goodWe had turkey and pistolsCarved out of wood
Conclusion: Don't argue with John Prine, this isn't a Christmas song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQaJn11t94M
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