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‘Knowledgeable Sources’ Say Only Epstein Matters, And Everyone Should Ignore Trump’s Numerous Wins
Knowledgeable sources say the Trump administration is being torn to pieces by its mishandling of the Epstein scandal. Although in its first six months, the administration has scored a string of successes so long you couldn’t read it in the time it took to achieve it, knowledgeable sources on both the Left and the Right are saying that the poor handling of the Epstein story should erase all those successes so that commentators can continue to scream in outraged tones with the veins in their necks bulging out while their audience clenches their fists and shouts, “Yeah!” in gravelly voices even though they’re listening to complete crap.
Although Trump has tried to argue that all is well in an administration that has closed the border, helped neutralize Iran, and operated the government at a surplus for the first time in over twenty years, knowledgeable sources report that, in fact, everything is coming apart at the seams, if indeed everything has seams, which remains just one more open question in the Epstein case.
One knowledgeable source, for instance, says that FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino recently clashed with Attorney General Pam Bondi, vowing that he would unleash a vengeance more horrible than her wildest imagination if Bondi did not release more information about Epstein or at least stop wearing those pants suits that keep reminding him of Hillary Clinton which is just making him crazy in the head. The knowledgeable source says Bongino then put Bondi in a choke hold and the two rolled around on the floor in a cloud of dust with various articles of jewelry and clothing flying out of it, until a stalemate was declared and they moved on to the next agenda item, which was a potato sack race.
Another knowledgeable source reports that FBI Director Kash Patel’s girlfriend obviously must have enlisted him in the Israeli intelligence agency Mossad, because how else can anyone explain why a woman that beautiful would go out with a guy who looks like Kash Patel, especially when the knowledgeable source was sitting right there in plain sight and would have gladly worked for Mossad or anyone else if Kash Patel’s girlfriend or just some woman who looked like Kash Patel’s girlfriend had simply leaned in close to the knowledgeable source and murmured in a sultry voice, “Come and work for Mossad?”
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Still another knowledgeable source reports that a voice coming from somewhere within the administration has spoken to him through the fillings in his teeth and revealed that the end of days has come — or possibly a friend of Dave’s has come, it was hard for the knowledgeable source to hear because the reception in his fillings has been very spotty lately despite the fact that he’s been wearing rabbit-ear antennae on top of his tinfoil hat. In any case, if it turns out that it’s not the end of days that has come but a friend of Dave’s, then no action is currently required, except maybe putting out some snacks and a pot of Chamomile tea, which Dave’s friend particularly enjoys.
Another knowledgeable source has revealed exclusively to Tucker Carlson that the Epstein cover-up is all the fault of the Jews, although Tucker’s knowledgeable source loaned HIS rabbit-ear antennae to the end-of-days knowledgeable source so the cover-up may have actually been all the fault of the Juice, since no one’s seen O.J. around recently and who knows what he’s been getting up to. In any case, Tucker gave an impassioned speech to TPUSA, saying, “Why should it be forbidden to blame it all on Israel? Somehow, Israel is the only country on earth you’re not allowed to blame for anything. That’s why you have all these Israelis walking around happy-go-lucky without a care in the world — it’s because no one ever blames them for anything. Well, I’m not afraid of being called antisemitic. After all, that’s where the big money is.”
Trump supporters are hoping the president will see to it that more information is released soon, because knowledgeable sources are going to continue to spread the inside story about the Epstein scandal until someone finally tells us the freaking truth.
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