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People reveal 13 psychological 'cheat codes' for social situations that work 'every time'
People often think that social skills are something innate. You're either born with them or doomed to a life of feeling awkward. Most people go through life just running on instinct and vibes when it comes to how they interact with people. However, there are simple tricks people can learn to improve their social skills, especially when dealing with difficult people.The good news is that if you have always felt socially awkward, you can improve by picking up some interpersonal communications tips and keeping them in your pocket for the next party. Making small changes to how you speak, or, better yet, how you listen to others, can yield considerable benefits in your social, professional, and romantic life.A Redditor put out a call for people to share their psychological “cheat codes” for social situations that they swear work “every time,” and they received nearly 3,000 responses. A lot of them were centered around how to react to people who are angry or may be lying. Others were ways to make people like you, even those who you know do not.Here are 13 psychological “cheat codes” that Redditors swear work “every time.”1. The power of silence"Being comfortable in silence is power. Especially in any sort of negotiation, complaint, somebody asking for something or vice versa. For some reason when you stay quiet people break.""Police use this tactic in interrogations with uncompliant suspects. If a question is responded to in an unsatisfactory way, they will look at the suspect expectantly and remain silent, as if they are waiting for them to say something, discuss a detail they were hesitant to discuss, etc. It's very hard to resist that kind of pressure."2. Build others up"Build up people who are part of the same social circle but aren't currently present. For example, if you're out at dinner with your normal circle of friends and one of them isn't there, talk them up and share something positive about them to the rest of the group. Without consciously thinking about it, we start to become aware of the kind of things people in our social circles say about us when we're not present. Sort of like the 'if he cheats on his girlfriend to be with you, he's going to cheat on you at some point too,' there's a real character-revealing element when someone is bad-mouthing someone who isn't there, where we recognize that we might be spoken negatively about by the same friend when we're not there.""This is great advice. I come from a family where I have noticed over the years, that they almost always talk negatively about people/things."3. Remember your conversations"Remember what they said to you the last time you saw them. If you last saw them a month ago, if you remember they were doing a thing, remember that thing and mention it."At the heart of this tactic is making people feel seen. People love those who notice them. “Whether it's a colleague, client, barista, or neighbor, highly likable people consistently show genuine interest and curiosity in other people. They don't throw around big gestures or declarations—they do it through small, everyday habits that signal warmth, attentiveness, and respect,” Lorraine K. Lee, an award-winning keynote speaker and best-selling author of Unforgettable Presence: Get Seen, Gain Influence, and Catapult Your Career, writes on CNBC Make It.4. Compliment the haters"Someone doesn't like you? Give them a genuine compliment. Keyword: genuine lol I worked with this girl and we disliked each other. One day I just looked at her- she'd gotten her hair done- and I said "That looks really good on you!" and her usual stankface went to confused so fast lol. But you have to mean it- I did, it suited her. But your enemy will leave you alone for a while as they go ponder what chess game you're playing.""Benjamin Franklin had a similar method. He asked his enemies to do him a small, simple favor. Borrow a book, for example, ask for advice. Something very small, very basic, non-monetary. He found that when someone did him a favor, no matter how small, it made them feel as though they were friends, as that is what friends do."5. Make people feel important"Remember, everyone has an invisible tag on around their neck saying 'Make me feel important.'""This has to be deployed carefully, though, so it's not like you're manipulating them."6. Everyone is in love with you"I pretend everyone I meet is in love with me. I mean, not literally. I'm not a complete narcissist. But I'll start conversations with strangers who give me a smile or a knowing look. Assuming they like me makes me feel more likable. I've made friends more easily in my 30s than I did at any other time in my life. Romanticizing my life is fun, and gets me to act more vivacious and charismatic. It's also just good practice for higher-stakes social interactions where I might lack confidence.""I pretend everyone I meet is going to be my new best friend, but only I know it. So the vibe is more 'oh good you're here finally!' instead of 'who are you?"7. Make the angry say 'yes'"When someone is angry-- like irrationally, psychotically angry-- get them to say 'yes' to anything. (E.g. Are you mad? Do you want help? Do you want me to give you space?) It engages a different part of the brain, and after that's engaged, you can help them with problem solving.""Used this a ton in retail, works wonders. Preps them because most of the time I had to tell them no or we can't do something. And if I could help them suddenly you're a savior versus a button pusher."8. "I remember...""It's a small one, but it comes up often enough that it's been useful. People often repeat themselves, and a knee-jerk response to someone bringing up something you'd already heard about is "You've told me this already", which incidentally has a somewhat negative connotation to it. Instead of saying that, say "I remember you told me about this." It's more kindly affirming to the other person that you've listened when they told you the details/story in the past while also serving as a gentle reminder that they've already shared it. One response makes the person feel shut down, whereas the other leaves them feeling heard. It's a small change, but it's come up a helluva lot and I like using it."9. Raise your eyebrows"Raise my eyebrows when I smile hello. Usually, we only do that for people we recognize, so it makes people feel like they are already accepted.""I've had moments where I met someone and we were both entirely convinced we'd seen each other before but could find literally no reasonable way for that to be true."10. The power of being wrong"When you want to learn something - facts, rumors, gossip, etc. State the fact but leave 1 detail intentionally wrong. The other person will love to correct you and give you ALL the information. It feeds their ego, you learn what you wanted, everyone is happy with the result.""I’ve also found that if it’s like gossip that you know the other person knows, if you say something to imply you don’t really want to know or you’re trying to respect their boundaries, like 'Yeah I know something happened but it’s none of my business/I don’t want to be nosy,' and then let it go, sometimes it makes them WANT to tell you. I’m not like a gossip spreader, I’m just like deathly nosy lol."The technique is known as elicitation by communications experts, and the theory is that people absolutely love being right. So, even if they shouldn't share certain facts, they will spill the beans if it gives them an opportunity to be right. “I think the number one technique is the human predisposition to correct other people. Because we as humans want to be right, and when we correct other people, that elevates us above the person we're correcting,” Jack Schafer, Ph.D., a psychologist and former FBI special agent, told Robin Dreeke. “So that makes us feel good because we know more than the other person that we're talking to, so that kind of elevates us, and in order to kind of prove that we're more superior, we often give out a lot of information that perhaps we shouldn't.” - YouTube www.youtube.com 11. Use absurdity"When someone is 'stuck' -- they're surly, they're depressed, they're anxious, whatever, and it's making it hard for them to engage and have fun -- hit them with something absurd. Like when my kids can't seem to get past having a rough day at school: 'anything I can do to help? Food? Water? Send a genetically engineered giant capybara to demolish the school?' The absurdity of the last one is kind of like giving the stuck brain a little shake. It doesn't immediately fix everything, but very often it gets them unstuck enough to stop obsessing and start on the path to a better mood.""I would assume that's why emergency people are trained to say really random things to people in crisis! you've got to unstick that brain."12. It's all about feeling"People won't remember exactly what you say, they will remember the way you make them feel.""The axe forgets but the tree remembers."13. Quality time over quantity of time"When my social battery dips, I dip. It’s to no one’s benefit to be somewhere you don’t want to be.""I've had to learn to pace my social activities and interactions so that I actually enjoy them and give the people I'm interacting with good quality time, and they, in turn, can enjoy me as well. I now better respect my quiet recovery time and its role in my well-being. In my view, this is a more respectful approach to myself as well as to the people I spend time with."
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